Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

My younger DD struggled with practicalities and emotions of periods. She is on the pill to lessen them and control timing. In theory she can run 3 or more oacks together, but in practice she gets breakthrough after 6 weeks. We can schedule things to miss exams and holidays.

Welcome @Anisty. Glad to hear the first day at college went well.

Has PMDD been considered? Does DD use period pants?

I would suggest DD couldn’t engage rather than wouldn’t. And she needed CAMHS to adapt their support so she got to a point where she could engage. Would DD consider a less direct form of therapy? Rehabs something that taps into her interests e.g. animals or art or gaming.

Is DD in receipt of CDP? If not, apply for ADP.

@1spinforward2back - yes you are absolutely correct. She could not engage with therapy. She was in a very bad place; i could not believe camhs could discharge her in that condition and i did write to them to tell them i thought their treatment was negligent, bordering on dangerous. But i didn't put it to formal complaint (i got a reply back to that messsge saying they could not discuss anything with me and i had the option to lodge a formal complaint)

Suffice it to say, at the point they discharged her, she was practically catatonic and i was seriously thinking this could be schizophrenia (our eldest son was diagnosed prodromal schizophrenia as a teen and this staring empty eyed shut down behaviour was identical to his)

He is 28 now and never (so far) did progress to any schizophrenic episode so his was probably an autistic shut down as well. He improved remarkably after leaving school and now lives far from us with his partner, baby, holds down a full time job. I won't say he is out of the woods as some of his thinking is slightly bizarre especially when stressed but his partner is very calm and perfect for him.

Anyway - not at all impressed with camhs. I think her horse riding is a form of therapy in itself as is her art and drama and your suggestions are great - if she has issues going forward, these could be the way to go.

She sort of had that at school after her OD as she took Art but crashed it in a year so she spent a lot of extra time at lunch time and after school getting her portfolio together. She got an A as well so she was chuffed with that.

I don't know what those things are you are mentioning applying for - but no she is not on anything. If ADP is adult disability payment, she is nowhere in that category. I totally believe (at this point!) once she finds her niche in life, she will be able to live a perfectly fulfilling life, work, form relationships etc.

This is totally different from my middle son that is autistic to a disabling degree. He had multi agency support right through school. He did have to go to mainstream which was a battle (between me and the staff!!)

He was on DLA from 3yrs and when he transferred to PIP, his award increased as they assessed him for full mobility too as he needs accompanied on unfamilier journeys. He will need help all his life.

I see DD like my eldest DD - she's 31, lives alone and self supports as an artist. She's not diagnosed with anything but is into Dungeons and Dragons - not a party girl either. But she was always very stable mentally and i think maybe 2 reasons for that.

• her artistic talent is incredible and she was clear from age 3 that she was going to grow up and be an artist. So she never had the uncertainty that DD2 has.

• she went to school pre phones and internet!! And before the days of going to school in full make up!

Both my girls are bonnie girls (they look very alike in fact) but DD1 never wore any make up at school and nor did many girls 20 yrs ago.

But DD 2 is much more into her clothes and make up. She does enjoy it - but i think it's just much harder for all kids (and parents!!) these days.

Period pants- i have offered those for her before but she wont hear of it!

She was on the Depo jag late last year and that did stop the bleeding but she wouldn't have it again as it was painful (this is where i think her pain threshold is low as, to me, a few days pain at an injection site in exchange for 3 months bleed free, pain free is a good deal)

She is on the mini pill just now and is largely pain free but light bleeding all the time. She doubled the dose for her exams and that stopped it but gynae say she must not double up (that was my idea!)

Gynae appt soon so hopefully we will get some answers.

Sorry, i have written an essay again!!!

Ps - no, PMDD has only been considered by me. She has only had one gynae appt so far (round about feb 24)

It wasn't great. She basically got told there was a good chance her periods were normal and would settle as she gets older. And they asked her to keep a journal of bleeding/pain.

Then, out of the blue, round about May, a scan appt came. She was so sure they would find something as she was bleeding on the day of the scan. When it came back clear, she was gutted.

However, since she left school she has gone from strength to strength and is chatty again, and coping much better with everything. She has a cafe job on Sundays which she quite likes.

But i have joined this thread at a crossroads point with her starting college - will she carry on going forward well, or will difficulties re surface with new friendships and change. Time will tell!

Thank heavens her OD was not major, she had not left any note and we would have been left probably thinking her life was a miserable mass of pain but, as time has passed, it is clearer that her period issues are not the root cause at all.

Teens are so complex and tricky!!

Re Alternative therapies.
Someone here recommended Equine Assisted Therapy which turned out to be fabulous for my animal mad DD2. It is what got us through the lockdowns. Counselling in a field of horses.

Hello and hope everyone is doing OK.
Good luck to those starting school this week and especially to those who are going to new places.

DD is trialling out college today with a view to restarting lower sixth.
Her old school doesn't go back until Thursday and college were doing induction today and tomorrow so we decided to see if it will work.
Not sure if I am breaking any law here as she is already "funded" in her old school.
I have told college she is restarting but not sure they understood it properly.
DD was in tears going in this morning.
Bless her. It's an hour away by bus.
I am a wreck and not managing any work today.
Xx

We are meant to have a settling in session tomorrow (year 11) but I’m waiting to hear back if she can have it just with her Learning Support Assistant rather than just whoever is free. Otherwise she won’t go in.
They’ve changed all her timetable around as well, which is fun!
I do dislike September

Best wishes to you and DD @DarkChocHolic It's so nerve wracking as you just never know which way it will go! Hopefully, she will meet some nice people and have a good day.

My dd starts properly tomorrow.

@MinionKevin
I do hope you hear back from the@
school about plans for tomorrow.
I always used to be relieved when september came about until MH difficulties started with DD.
Last September was a car crash.

@anitsy
Hope your DD enjoys her start tomorrow. It is nevertheless such a horrible time for parents whose children struggle.

No word from DD yet. I assume no news is good news.
Remember last September on the first day back in her own school she kept sending distress messages asking to come back and how much she hates it.
I must stay positive..no looking back.. only forwards!!

Good luck to all the DC starting tomorrow. @DarkChocHolic pretty sure you haven't broken any laws! Well done to your DD for going, change is never easy and I know how difficult it can be for our DC. I hope she enjoys her induction days and sees the positives of a restart. And I hope you are feeling a bit better, nothing we can do but keep our fingers crossed and try not to think the worst.

Here we still have about 3 weeks to go and I have done nothing as I just want to sit in this calmness for a while longer. I attended a family event at the weekend and I did that thing where I compared the lives of the young people there with my own. Always a bad thing to do but it was right in my face so could hardly avoid it! I had to keep repeating to myself that we are going in the right direction, and she has come so far. This is our truth and I am proud of where we are but yes it's still so hard sometimes.

@DarkChocHolic yes I relate to the messages. I was terrified of hearing that ping noise on my phone. On the worst days, the ping just kept going. I feel anxious just thinking about it.

Remember last September on the first day back in her own school she kept sending distress messages asking to come back and how much she hates it.
I must stay positive..no looking back.. only forwards!!

oh my word, yes! I was looking through whatsapp messages between DD and me over the past year - just motivational messages from me and DD's sarcastic replies "have you read that somewhere?!"

Grim times indeed. We must go forwards with positivity!

Goodluck to everyone for this week, it is indeed stomach churning stuff.
@DarkChocHolic for what its worth I think it sounds like a good plan to trial college then perhaps she can make an informed choice. I hope she has a good day.
@Okisenough Enjoy your last weeks of peace- comparison is the thief of joy and all that but it is hard in some situations, I bumped into a mum of one of DDs primary school friends in supermarket last week and managed to be suitably vague and positive!
@MinionKevin Good luck for tomorrow, i hope you get some answers today so DD knows what to expect tomorrow, you'd think schools would realise how important this is!

DD restarts tomorrow, its a bit easier at its an EOTAS package so 121 but it is a bit intense and involves on some days travelling to 2 locations - which is more to do with tutors and therapist needs/availability than DDS needs, so Im hoping she manages it. We also have AR looming which always puts the fear of god into me.

Hi everyone, sorry I've not kept in touch after my original post last month when I was feeling very stressed and just needed to vent! DD passed 2 out of the 3 GCSEs she took this year (after dropping out of school due to autistic burnout) which was as we were expecting and I'm proud of how she coped with the exams. She isn't going to college in person this year because she doesn't feel ready so has a 'bespoke package of education' as part of her EHCP. This basically means she's doing online courses with added tutor and coordinator support. We are meeting with the coordinator for the first time tomorrow (after a very long wait) so I'm hoping we'll finally get more of an idea of how everything is going to fit together.

Today, DD and I have been trying to get to grips with the IT side of things, which has completely stressed and overwhelmed DD as there was sooo much information to read through (it's overwhelmed me too if I'm honest!). So it's not been a great start and I'm hoping she'll get a lot of support once things get moving. It never goes well if I try to be the teacher as she likes me just being mum plus I need to work. So I'm really hoping things get into a happy rhythm sooner rather than later. I have been feeling very nervous and trying to hide it, as DD tends to have a huge panic at the start of anything new but does usually settle.

Good luck to everyone at this time of change/transition!

Just realised my original post was back in June! I must have lost compete track of time as it's been such a long summer after GCSEs! 🤣

@SpookySpoon22 well done to DD. Sitting the GCSEs was an achievement. Other than the online courses and tuition, does the bespoke package include other things such as therapeutic input, PfA, mentoring, accessing the community, exercise/music/art (whatever DD’s interests are) and equipment/resources?

@Anisty if DD enjoys riding, equine-assisted therapy is a good suggestion. I would mention PMDD at the upcoming appointment. CDP is child disability payment (which can continue until 18 if in receipt of it before 16). ADP is adult disability payment and it sounds like DD meets the criteria from your posts, so I would reconsider that. CDP and ADP are now Scotland’s equivalent of DLA/PIP.

@DarkChocHolic I hope today went well. Funding wouldn’t be a problem unless DD continues at the sixth form as well as starting school.

Good luck to everyone returning to school, college or other provision over the next few days.

@1spinforward2back thanks, yes it was an achievement. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up on what could have been if everything hadn't unravelled in the GCSE years.

For now the package includes mentoring (and accessing the community if she agrees). She is getting other support needed from elsewhere currently but I may need to relook at some of that at the review, especially as some is coming out of our own pocket or DD's PIP (although it's probably good use the latter). That's a battle for another day though.

Thanks everyone!
DD came back really happy.
I hope she feels that way tomorrow too.
Even the journey doesn't seem to have put her off.
May it last more than a day 🙏

Brilliant news @DarkChocHolic ! Great news - long may it continue.

Thanks @1spinforward2back - I thought that's what you meant. No, there's no way DD is anywhere near qualifying for any payments. And we don't need money for her anyway - she is perfectly capable of working and e Her situation really is of an able girl who has had a point of breakdown due to stress. It's only me at the moment that is querying autism

And we are still waiting on an appt in the private system! I really thought it would be super quick if we paid!

I am very, very familiar with PIP descriptors through my son. DD can actually manage everything - she is in paid cafe work of a weekend and she's fine there.

Quite honestly, i think she'd have got through school even 5 years sooner. But, since covid, class discipline has dropped off a cliff at the high school DD went to. High staff absence, violence in class , mixed ability right through school. Only maths was streamed. You can imagine how stressful it must be trying to learn in a class full of folks that aren't being put forward for the exam. In her biology class there were a significant number of kids that could not read. I think day after day in that environment just got to her.

Had class discipline been good, she'd have been fine. I do believe she will be able to manage, now she's out of school. She went through primary without needing support and she hadn't had any support at high either. If she's happy with this college course, she will sail through, i have no doubt.

She does have some autistic 'traits' but no more so than my elder daughter who left home at 18 and has managed her own life independently since then.

DD was in a bad way at Christmas but she's come a long way since then - especially since leaving school! She really isn't needing any additional support than any other teen her age (maybe even a bit less as she's not engaging in risky behaviour!)

Brilliant news @DarkChocHolic. Long may it continue.

@SpookySpoon22 the bespoke package should include all the support DD needs. You don’t need to be paying for it. Even if it is being provided elsewhere and funded, e.g. by the NHS or charities, it should still be in the EHCP. It should also include things other than tuition and mentoring. What specifically would depend on DD’s interests and needs. Do you have the right of appeal at the moment? If not, when is the AR?

@Anisty ADP has nothing to do with working or diagnosis. Obviously you know DD but ”who has had a point of breakdown due to stress.” and your other posts are why I believe DD meets the threshold.

@DarkChocHolic she’s done the hardest part, going for the first time, well done her.

I have heard from school which gives her time to digest it. It’s just for an hour but it breaks up that first day issue. Really hoping she is in for longer days this year but depends on staff time.

Yay. That's wonderful news. I am so pleased and fingers crossed for tomorrow.

@1spinforward2back yes, I totally agree but I fought so long just to get her onto the courses on time and get everything ready that I'm just glad the education part is happening this year. I will look at this again though.

Good luck to everyone today! What are you all up to? DD started her course proper today - technical theatre. I didn't see her this morning. She set off with her Dad in the car for the first part of the journey, then she was meeting one of her new pals in town to get the bus up to the college.

I haven't heard from her so all good.

As for me - walk the dogs, few house chores. I'm a childminder but only take school aged kids so i will be working from 3pm til 6ish. I normally pop into the charity shop too on Tuesdays where my disabled lad works - he likes me to pop in there and i usually end up buying a ton of stuff for my granddaughter!

We have a lovely sunny day here today, after heavy rain all day yesterday.

Hope your days are going well so far🙂

Dd is on her last day before returning to college. She has been to the dentist. She's had 14 months away from college so hope it goes OK tomorrow.