Hello everyone🙂 I haven't read every thread on here, but I have had a scan down the thread and see a few things that put me in this boat with all of you.
And I am brand new to Mumsnet too so this is my very first post here.
I have 5 'kids' altogether but, thankfully, 4 of them are adult (though my 25 year old has autism and a borderline learning difficulty, is in supported employment and cannot live independently.
He is not the reason i am here though . .
It's my 16 yr old DD that unites me with you all. She is on her first day of college today (induction day) It seems to be going ok!
So - here is a brief background. With us having autism in our family, I did notice some very subtle signs DD might be on the spectrum but, suffice it to say, nothing stood out like a sore thumb. No issues at all at primary school, had friends, went to kids birthday parties, brownies etc quite the thing.
No problems whatsoever.
The only things of note (and would never have been noticed by anyone not au fait with autism) is that she started horse riding lessons when she was about 7yrs old and her horsey chat was pretty incessant til she was about 12yrs!! She had the Schleich horses, the Playmobil and talked and lived non stop horse.
As a baby, she used to scream blue murder on every car journey which was possibly sensory. And didn't like chairs scraping on the floor at toddlers.
Apart from that, she did enjoy shops, clothes, soft play, horses. And seemed to be developing pretty normally. She was bright enough at school but i didn't think she was especially academic as she always seemed a bit of a fluffy head! (Far more into pretty dresses than a day out at a kids' museum)
Anyway, fast forward to high school (we are in Scotland) she started 2020 Covid year. She hated it from day one. First, the girls she'd been at primary with turned up at high school in full make up, crop tops and in boyfriend seeking mode. Next, discipline and behaviour was poor with backchat, pushing and shoving on the stairs etc.
She really felt out of her depth. However, things did settle when she found a group more like her in the drama club (Doc Marten wearers!)
So, S1 passed and so did S2. Meanwhile, she started her periods and, from the off, they were heavy and painful. She was fairly stoical about it in S2 and I had no idea how heavy or painful they were - i just gave her a couple of aspirin (which seemed to work better than paracetamol) and she got on with things.
I think it was just into the New Year (jan) when she was still in S3, she told me she'd been on her period 6 weeks and it just was not stopping. I called the GP right away (our surgery is dire) and they did solve the problem, not by seeing her, but by putting her on a combined pill right away.
That did bring the bleed to a stop. However, 3 months later, at a weekend, i had to call 111 as she was bent double in bed with heavy bleeding and pain. Went to the urgent care centre and she got prescribed those 2 acid meds (cant remember names but one reduces bleeding and the other is a painkiller)
Into S4, I can't remember the exact sequence of events but she must have had bloods done at some stage and was anaemic so went onto iron. Bleeding even on the Pill (she is running back to back but heavy breakthrough)
School is ramping up pressure for exams. DD by this stage has decided she must go to Uni. She didnt know what she wanted to do there, it just seemed to be a thing that everyone does!
And now she is getting migraine headaches to she has been told she cannot stay on the combined pill.
But, she has friends at school, goes into town with them on the bus on Saturdays. Sometimes she comes back tearful and exhausted and again i am thinking - is this autism or just exhaustion from her headaches, periods, low iron. She goes to a few parties. She isn't a huge party girl and hasn't had any romantic relationships but she seems ok.
My main concern at this stage (this is all around Aug/Sept 23 ) is her physical health and that she is working too hard for her pre lims. She is coming home in a bad mood more often from school and starts skipping some social invites.
Tues, 3rd oct 23, she went to school as normal. That evening, she was very chatty. It was the week before the October school hols and she was telling me about her plans for meeting pals in the hols.
Weds, 4th Oct, she comes into my bedroom about 8.15 am and told me she'd taken an overdose. Neither me nor her Dad saw that one coming.
She had actually got up, put on her school uniform and taken 8 paracetamol. Luckily, with a dose that low she did not need any treatment. She took the OD at about 7am she said so her Dad (we do live in the same house btw) took her to a &e and they took bloods, waited, took more bloods and she was fine to come home within about 4 hours.
She was fast tracked to CAMHS and i have to say they were absolutely useless.
This is turning into a very, very long story so to cut it very short i will say DD did not engage with the service but I can't blame her! 3 appts in total. And 2 of those were re scheduled at short notice.
By Christmas, DDs behaviour at home was really concerning me. She was totally disengaged and said she could not feel anything (in terms of emotion) I was starting to think Schizophrenia at one point.
However, when i voiced my concerns to CAMHS, asking if she could be seen by a psychiatrist to determine if this was a deep depression, schizophrenia or autistic burnout, I got no reply at all. I then found out DDs camhs nurse had gone off long term sick so we had no help jan to march 24.
Then, a letter addressed to DD came in the post - she is discharged!!!!!
I get in touch to see what has happened but of course it is confidential.
Now, i do know teens can be sneaky but i am 100% sure that DD did not ask to be discharged.
Happily, she saw sense and agreed uni was not for her. She got offered an unconditional place at college. She did well in nat 5s with 5 at grade A, one B and one C (As in maths and english)
And she has settled right down. She had a uterine scan but nothing abnormal found. And a brain scan but all normal.
So - I think it's looking a bit clearer that this was an autistic burnout and I have applied for her to be privately assessed at a cost of almost £2k!!
Not that we are rich by any means but she is very much on board with having the assessment. I think a lot of her migraines are caused by masking. She has already dropped all but 3 pals from high school and wants to start afresh at college. It is a theatre course she is on. I hope she settles there and loves it but she knows there is no pressure or shame if she had made a mistake and it turns out not to be for her.
This past year has been soooooo stressful. Reading this thread helps me know i am not alone. DD will not talk about why she took an OD - but she did say she could not stand the thought of staying in school another year or two and i dont think she knew there were other options.
Im really surprised and proud she carried on til May tbh, as at Christmas it really was not looking good for her managing another day at school, let alone 4 or 5 months!