Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

What do you do when your teen has rigid thinking?
they have social anxiety but much improved recently. Have seen a great psychologist who worked wonders.
However they can show signs of rigid thinking which seems to them create low mood. An example would be yesterday when we had a treat planned and afterwards needed a quick snack before heading home in the car for a drive of about 2 hours. None of us wanted a large meal as we’d already had a restaurant meal at lunch and it was really hot. Dd lovesm&s food so we suggested we grab drinks and bits from there which they were more than happy with. All was good then we went to sit in a really pleasant open space with seating and they just said I don’t like it and refused to sit down. They couldn’t give us an explanation- it was large and we were sat away from others. There were no large groups of teens which would have been an issue in the past. We sat down to eat and she just stood up on her phone and refused to eat. We quickly finished and went back as planned.by the time we got back to the car she was ok again.
i find it really hard as she can eat out in busy restaurants and attend really busy concerts at stadiums without issue. These things just seem to put a dampener on our days out. You never know when it’s going to happen and she switches back so easily when she is ready.
any advice?

@Roodledoodle83 tbh Ive expanded too much energy and angst looking for logic when perhaps there is none.
I think you have to accept that a lot of it is beyond your control. I mean you will do everything you can like pre warning, calm environment , favourite food etc but as you say sometimes they cant identify or communicate what is wrong .
Routine is important to my DD, sometimes small timetable changes can send her in a spin. She can also (usually) cope with activities that she really wants to do-like a concert- but she is spent the next day and shuts down.
It maybe like that spoons theory, start the day with so many spoons each activity you do uses a spoon or two until you have none left and cant go on.
Maybe the treat used up all her spoons and then she had nothing left and needed the security of home and routine, just needed to be able to switch off and stop being on, Is she autistic?

I really don’t know if she is autistic. The psychologist didn’t think so said she had social anxiety.
there aren’t any sensory issues and she was a really happy sociable and confident child. I know about masking and how many girls are undiagnosed until they reach puberty. When you speak to her I think bullying in aged 11 switched on the anxiety and that now is the trigger for these behaviours. However who really knows… she says she doesn’t see herself as having an autistic traits and doesn’t want a diagnosis.

I can't believe I'm writing this after my previous optimism. I'm sitting in A&E with my daughter after she overdosed on Fluoxetine and vodka last night. Out of the blue, my head is spinning. We didn't see this coming at all. She's OK but we have been referred to social services and camhs. I'm in shock. There is literally nothing I could have done private psychiatrist, counselling, medication. I'm at a complete loss. I actually feel irrationally angry too. She told the Nursing staff that she did it because we don't care about her. This is because I sent her to bed after she came in steaming drunk. She took my disapproval as a sign I don't care about her!

@Theordinary So sorry. Best wishes for a good recovery.

There but for the grace of God go any of us on this thread.

@TeenDivided thank you. I feel like such a fool. I can't believe how I thought she was better. Just one trigger has sent her spiralling back. So sorry to @SpookySpoon22 too, I wanted to give you some hope for the future but it's massively backfired. I feel like such an idiot now. I've let her counsellor know this morning. She only saw her Tuesday and they finished the session early as she was so happy and they'd run out of stuff to talk about. She will be shocked as well but I thought I should let her know. I hope that's the right thing to do.

@Theordinary
Sorry to hear about DD's overdose and big hugs to you.
If it's any consolation, I read that recovery isn't linear. Sadly, we keep going forwards and backwards.
Fortunately, when we go backwards, it isn't to the original point of crisis.
Hang in there and I know it's so tough after an overdose to have hope.

Xx

Thanks @DarkChocHolic that does make me feel a bit more positive. I'm wondering whether one of the triggers might have been being on her 7 day pill break. She normally takes it back to back (to avoid the emotional roller coaster). She's not been like this for so long. She's been out socialising non stop as well, lots of booze involved. She's possibly a bit burnt out. I think there's lots of contributing factors.

@Theordinary I am so sorry to hear about your DD's overdose, sending you a big hug. I wholeheartedly agree with what @DarkChocHolic said. From my own experience, I know we can only do our best and sometimes despite all our efforts, things go backwards. Keep holding on, it will get better again.

It is certainly worth bringing up the pill holiday with her psychiatrist.

x

She does know she's not meant to drink alcohol on fluoxetine, doesn't she?
(I mean I'm 99.9999% confident she does know this.)

So sorry to hear that @Theordinary You really don't need to apologise or feel foolish. It sounds like it was a very impulsive overdose as a result of being unable to cope with her emotions while drunk, rather than any real plan to end her life. I also like what @DarkChocHolic said about recovery. Be kind to yourself - I'm sure it's common to feel anger in these situations. I hope things even out again soon and you can look back on this time as a setback along the way.

Thank you all. She's seen the Camhs person now so been discharged back to the community services. I won't hold my breath for much help there. It was a very impulsive overdose but I'm definitely going to be looking after her tablets again. I'd literally only just given her the packet of fluoxetine back, everything else is locked up. She does know she shouldn't be drinking on the Fluoxetine but of course they know better don't they! We've met some really lovely staff today but my god nothing moves fast in the NHS does it? Still waiting to be discharged. Been here since 5am! She's getting very twitchy now as she just wants to be home.

@theordinary
So sorry to hear about DDs overdose, you must be shattered. I think anger is a totally normal reaction.
Fingers crossed you get all home soon.
I hope this experience may help DD turn a corner - sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to climb back out.
Thank god she's OK.
Sending virtual hug and remember to be kind to yourself.

Thank you all for the support during this complete nightmare. We're back home now and she's feeling fine. I was so grateful for this board today, I've not wanted to tell anyone in real life so it's been so helpful to offload on here. I hope everyone's doing OK tonight x

@Theordinary glad to hear you are all home and DD is feeling better. And really glad we have been able to offer you some support during this time. I hope the next few days are calm and restful for you all x

@Theordinary
I'm glad u are home.
There is nothing worse than sitting in the hospital chair overnight.
My Dd would be in such a rush to come from the hospital every single time, and I find that so ironical.
There was one time the crisis person who visited her said she may not be going home but to the adolescent hospital as in patient and the look on her face! She was looking at me with such a plea, and I almost told him to take her with him.
So no, please don't feel bad about being angry. It's a perfectly valid emotion.
Hope you manage to sleep even if its just from exhaustion.
Tomorrow is another day.

Xx

Can I join please?

I'm not a huge MN poster and namechange frequently but posting so that I can come back to/read the thread back in the middle of the night. 😢

Lone parent to one late teen DC, diagnosed with severe depression and has confessed to suicidal thoughts/has self harmed in the past. CAHMS waiting lists were far too long so went private. DC has been medicated for a year. Final year of A levels looming.

Sorry that there is a group of us but I am looking forward to reading, it is a heavy burden (NC with EA XH).

@GrimeldaNorth welcome to our little corner of MN. I never know whether welcome is the right word! I am sorry to hear of your DC's struggles. We are a lovely group of people so I hope we can offer you some support, advice or just a place to rant. We have just come out the other side of A-levels.

@Okisenough , thank you, I am reading through the thread, everyone is very kind, lots of shared experiences. I’m not sure I feel like I’ve got anything useful to contribute.

I’m finding worrying about DC a bit overwhelming combined with everything else going on for me. I’ve got a really full on job that’s more stressful than usual atm, toxic environment. I am desperately trying to leave.

It is just the two of us at home, we do have my family who care but are not close enough geographically to be involved and all busy with their own lives.

We had a chat about a summer holiday yesterday, I was thinking of a week or so in Italy, but DC doesn’t want to go anywhere (which is fairly normal for them). I feel like I need a break but am not comfortable going without them. Anyway, we settled on two nights in a really nice UK hotel with beautiful views, a small win 🙂.

@GrimeldaNorth Welcome to the club none of us want to be in! There's lots of support and good advice here. The constant grind of stress and worry is tough to bear alone. There's such a stigma to mental illness, especially when you are the parent of a child struggling. There's the sense of shame we all feel that makes it hard to speak to people in real life. This is a safe space to offload with no judgement at all.
For us we're still just trying to process the last 48 hours. I'm still so angry and can't get over the horror of waking up at 2am.to find my DD was not in the house and not finding out until 5am that she was in hospital. She has no concept of the stress she has put us through. It's hard trying to be supportive and loving with this anger I feel. I've not even cried about any of this which is odd. I don't think it's fully sunk in!

Theordinary sorry to hear DD took an overdose. You aren’t a fool and this isn’t your fault. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. I hope CAMHS now provide more support. Have you considered PMDD if DD’s mood is related to hormones?

GrimeldaNorth welcome.

Roodledoodle83 a couple of thoughts, does DD eat outside at other times? Were there birds, bees, midges etc. about? Does DD have signs of OCD? How is DD with unplanned things? How much experience does the psychologist have with high functioning autistic females? Many autistic teen girls also have social anxiety. If DD has trauma from bullying have you considered EMDR?

@1spinforward2back yes, definitely she's got PMDD. That's one of the reasons she normally takes the pill back to back. Unfortunately she didn't tell me she'd run out so ended up having to have a 7 day break. Won't make that mistake again!

@Theordinary when DD takes the pill, does it work well for the PMDD? If not, you could look at a referral to a specialist clinic such as that at Maudsley because there are other options to try.

@Theordinary
The combined pill has also been recommended for DD whose mood dips significantly around her periods.
I am wary of it as it caused me quite a low mood for a while. I am much better on mini pill.
I also worried about the pill free week and DD was recommended to take it back to back but with a break at times so that she can control the bleed and she doesn't get caught out with random spotting.
Does you DD take a scheduled break at all on this (apart from this unfortunate running out episode)

@1spinforward2back
I'd be interested to know of other options that prevent ovulation and the associated mood dip.
Any pointers would be gratefullu received