Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

@DarkChocHolic it’s not from personal experience, but I am aware there is an injection that can help if no other treatment has helped. A friend’s adult DD was seen in a specialist clinic and she started GnRH analogue injections. She also started vitamins and mineral supplements although I don’t know which - I can ask if you would like me to.

@DarkChocHolic DD2 takes the CCP back to
back also - not for PMDD but because she doesn't cope well with periods. She takes up to 9 weeks (3 packs) at a time and we time breaks for school holidays.

@MuddlingThroughWithoutAClue
Thanks those were my thoughts too. To time it with half terms so she can cope.
She is quite overweight and already on a cocktail of drugs so i am quite worried about adding the pill too.
But the Suicidal thoughts clearly hit the roof week before periods as she has adhd and autism and emotional dysregulation is her biggest issue.
At the moment, her periods are regular and bearable so that makes me want to leave the hormonal drugs out for now. But then I love being on the mini pill and hrt so keep thinking she may settle eventually and find it helpful too.
Decisions decisions.
Xx

It's tricky to know what to do for the best. I had reservations about my DD starring the pill at 15 for her periods. She used to get horrendous period pain too so the decision was a little easier here. I tried fluoxetine for my pmdd and it worked really well. You can take it just in the two weeks before your period but obviously that's easier for an adult to manage. I read somewhere that pmdd is extremely common in Autistic people so it's not surprising so many of our girls are struggling. My DD is very volatile and irrational in the run up to her period. I think the next break will have to be managed very carefully by us.

@1spinforward2back Those injections you mentioned are probably Zoladex. Used for endometriosis to put the body into a temporary menopause. (A family member of mine had them for endo) I think there are associated risks like menopausal symptoms and osteoporosis. It might be prescribed in very serious PMDD though as a last resort or for an older women.

@Theordinary there’s 2 different types of GnRH analogue injections used for PMDD when other treatments haven’t helped or haven’t helped enough. Zoladex is one of them, the more common one used is Prostap. No, they aren’t used as a first line treatment, which is why I asked if the pill helps when DD takes it, but they are used in some PMS/PMDD cases.

@DarkChocHolic Yes, it is difficult to know if we're making the right decisions. DD does not have suicidal thoughts/ideation so have not been in your position.

DD2 used to have painful, heavy periods and lots of fainting - missed lots of school. Tried Tranexamic acid and Mefenamic Acid before going on the pill at age 14/15 which lessened the bleeding but still lots of fainting/unable to function so GP suggested 9 week cycle as she felt hormone dip in pill break might be causing problems. It's mostly stayed to schedule but sometimes her own cycle breaks through and we have to build up again. Also takes Mefenamic Acid for pain. Also on Sertraline for anxiety/low mood.

I feel a bit sad for her that every half-term is spent having a period but she wouldn't be doing much anyway (Autism, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, finds leaving the house difficult).

With hindsight after late Autism diagnosis she also has sensory issues around periods/bleeding hence she now uses period pants as suggested by CAMHS which seem to help her cope better.

Different GP's have told me that the pill free gap needs to be minimum of 4 days. Not tried it with DD as it takes a few days from stopping to anything happening but might be worth investigating. I think in your position I would want a referral to a specialist (not sure who that would be though) if possible.

Hope everyone has a restful weekend.

How is everyone?
@theordinary how is your DD?

Hope GCSEs/exams all went OK for those who sat them and fingers crossed for results day.

We are off on holiday tonight - DD very anxious about airport /flying currently reading all about aeroplane crashes on her phone!
Hopefully all goes smoothly, if I'm honest I find airports a bit stressful too-
But it will be worth it once we get there.

My DD is doing okay but school messed up work experience so she is home for the week, she’s doing okay. I’ve decided fuck it and I’m taking her for a lovely day out.

Not looking forward to the holidays, she needs constant activity so it’s always a struggle to fill the time.

@Runnerduck34
Hope you enjoy the holiday when you get there and that DD copes with th3 airport stress.

We are plodding along. Last 2 weeks of year 12. DD is going in most days but things are still hard. Up and down is our only constant at the moment.
We have no holidays booked and I have no energy to even look for a last minute deal to be honest.

Hope everyone is doing as ok as possible.

Xx

@Runnerduck34 hope all went well at airport and you are having a lovely time.

@DarkChocHolic hope the last two weeks of school go well and sorry to hear things are hard, hopefully, you can all get some respite this weekend.

Things are largely ok here. Not having school has made life a lot calmer which I am just going to enjoy. Results/university will no doubt bring about challenges but for now I am not going to think about it.

ADHD meds - for those who have dc on this medication, sadly, there is still a shortage. I have been doing the ringing around chemists routine. I have managed to find a bio-equivalent to concerta XL although at a lower dosage so DD will have to take two a day but needs must!

@Okisenough
Meds shortage...tell me about it!!
We are on our 3rd change now..matoride XL.
Apparently it is the extended release that is in short supply
The chemist says the capsules are available. Not sure if that means immediate release.

Had a difficult evening as DD is so heartbroken with lack of close friends.
She does have people to hang with but she can sense others are closer and she cried saying why doesn't anyone want to be close to me.
I am not sure if this is her RSD side of adhd or due to her being so much out of school that people move on.
I have learnt to be quiet and let her vent. But I feel so sad for her..not having close friends has been such a heart ache for her since reception.

Feel awful but thankful for McDonald's mcflurry!
I had to take solace that I am getting better at handling these situations and she is also bouncing back quicker.
Nevertheless it sucks seeing your child in distress 😞

@DarkChocHolic your poor dd, have been there and I believe that RSD does play a part even if it isn't the whole story. And well done on letting her vent, I am better at that now but still occasionally fall into the bad habit of trying to offer advice.

Just checking in hope holidays are going OK for everyone and change of structure and routine isn't too challenging.
We had a blissful chilled holiday, DD was very anxious at airport but once we got there was fine, we stay at her grandads house so it's very very familiar and safe which helps enormously.
She's retreated a bit since getting home, sleeping lots.
As she has EOTAS she's using some unused hours during summer break to try and keep momentum, she was on board with doing the odd session but seems to be backtracking now and I feel mean booking it in!
Friendships ( lack of) are a bit of an issue here too. I hadn't heard of RSD, after googling it rings a lot of bells.
I met up with a friend whose daughter was friends with DD at nursery , her DD is half way through A levels talking about uni visits, just passed driving test, has a part time job and is off on her first independent holiday with friends, contrast is stark despite DD doing so much better than a couple of years ago. I thought I was past comparison but sometimes it still hits me.
DD is maturing much more slowly and her anxiety and autism do hold back her development.
She met a friend who she met online this week, I was so nervous, wasn't sure who this person really was, however it seemed to go well, and virtual friends are the main way she can mix with her peer group, maybe I baby her.

We’re doing okay. The heat is a struggle and we’ve cancelled a day out until it’s cooler.
As long as DD is occupied she’s okay.
Its September I’m worried about mostly, but things are surprisingly calm and we go away in a few weeks for a couple of nights too.

We are doing ok although definitely still a bumpy journey at times. I totally get you @Runnerduck34 about the comparison thing, it's human nature and definitely hits you every now and again and right in the heart!
@MinionKevin enjoy the calm and hope you have a lovely holiday

We are away at the moment, there have been moments of anxiety and overwhelm but mostly it is okay. Helps we are surrounded by beautiful views and she is doing lots of sketching.

@Runnerduck34 glad you had a good break.
Totally agree with @Okisenough on the comparison being a real heart wrench.
We all know the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" but reality is something else.
I am reading suzanne Anderson's book "Never Let Go" and also doing the partnering not parenting course.
She talks about "jenvy" (jealous envy). Its not that we are jealous of others and wish them bad things. Its just that we wish we have the same things for our children. Gave me some solace
I also observe how DD's maturity is much slower than her peers. In many ways I have noticed quite a bit of regression in her EQ since the ND diagnosis.

We are generally plodding along. Lack of structure does lead to boredom and DD has no hobbies or interests so when she isn't working (shifts are sparse unfortunately) she is just in bed all day and all night.
She does have a ton of school work as a catch up before going to Y13 in September but doesn't seem to be doing any of it.
In some ways I wish she would restart Y12 but equally I will be glad for the end of school life next June whether she achieves any qualification or not.
We have a few days away booked so something to look forward to.
Trying to stay hopeful but at the same time surviving each day is the immediate priority.

xx

@DarkChocHolic that course sounds interesting and helpful. Is it an online thing? And yes I can't tell you how relieved I was when study leave started and effectively full time school was over. I am hoping very much that University will not only be a fresh start but a very different and much easier experience for her and hence myself. I'm very tired especially emotionally and unsure if I could cope if it wasn't but even as I write that I know I just would have to!

@Okisenough
I read her book initially (which i really found useful) and then joined the Facebook group Parenting Mental Health.
The course is online, has a fee and 8 weeks duration. However, there is access to the online material and recordings for 12 months and you can restart the course with the next batch any time within the 12 months.
I am finding the principles behind the book and course very helpful.
It's all about stepping down from our emotions and our knowledge, standing beside our child and being a partner than parent as we find a new path for the child and travel with them together.
It really makes a lot of sense to me now when I realise I cannot "fix" DD or make her problems go away quickly. Things have to take time, we have to be patient and REALLY look after ourselves to be able to cope. I find i am able to stay calm if i review the material regularly and listen to the lessons over and over again.

Glad the holiday and meeting a friend went well Runner. Milestones others perceive as happy times (uni visits, driving test, first job/holiday) highlighting the developmental gap can be tricky even if you try not to compare. I hope you can convince DD to give the EOTAS sessions a try. Some of DS1 and DS3’s EOTAS packages continue in the holidays.

Minion DS1 struggles with the heat too.

Okisenough I hope the rest of the holiday goes well.

Dark not being able to fix things is one of the hardest parts, I think.

I hope everyone is ok.

@DarkChocHolic "Things have to take time, we have to be patient and REALLY look after ourselves to be able to cope." This is so true and such a simple thing yet so hard to put into practice at times. My dd has counselling and after every session I have to bite my tongue and not say something completely stupid like did it help, have you learnt something about coping better?

A bit of an update, dd did very well in her A-levels despite her "interesting" attendance record and got into her first choice of university, it's not too far away. We are very happy for her but of course I am worried (trying not to show it) about whether she will cope living away from home. She's come a long way since year 9/10 though so I am hopeful, and I have told her that if she goes and decides she isn't ready for this, she can take the year out. I also have to remind myself that at various points I didn't think she would stay in school so this is definitely a big win.

@Runnerduck34 I hope your DD decided to give the EOTAS sessions a try

@Okisenough That is fantastic, well done your DD.

@TeenDivided much thanks x

I hope it’s ok to join this thread, I read it every so often and find it reassuring that others are in the same boat, but it can be sooo hard sometimes.

Congratulations to your DD @Okisenough My DS has also just got into his first choice of uni after a very long two years of A levels where his mental health has massively declined. We’re so proud of him but it’s now meant he really needs to make decisions on what to do now.

He really wants to study the course but he struggles enormously with anxiety and any social situation makes him (literally) curl up and hide. His therapist said she doesn’t properly know what he looks like as he is hunched over in a tightly closed ball when talking to her!

Deferring his place seemed the obvious option but he said he can’t do that as it would involve making a phone call which he can’t do. Also we said if he was to defer he would have to start actively trying to make small steps to help himself and his mental health, otherwise there’s a real danger he’ll just continue to stay in his room not talking to anyone and be in an even worse position next year.

The next option was to commute, we tried the journey this morning and it is definitely doable, and he was seeming quite positive about it. But since we’ve been home he’s said if he commutes he knows he’ll just go to lectures and then come home and won’t speak to anyone to make friends.

So now he’s thinking about actually going and living there. He has a place in halls so this is an option, but I really worry for him. On the train today when a teenager of a similar age came near us he immediately curled into a ball again. He wouldn’t/couldn’t do any of the speaking throughout our journey (eg asking for a bus ticket, asking for help whe we couldn’t find our platform, etc).

I definitely understand what a PP said about comparison with others over milestones. All the people talking about their DC going out celebrating with their friends, and the excitement of going off to uni or getting jobs, and DS is finding every day tasks so so hard.

Sorry that was so long, I hadn’t realised how much I needed to vent!