General support thread - come on in

[Kielyflower]

I couldn’t see a recent one of these so thought I’d start one.

I just feel I need to do something positive so will hopefully share some more thoughts later that I hope will help - others as well as myself.

In the meantime, feel free to check in as, if nothing else, it helps to feel less alone.

Im really struggling at the moment and feeling like I don't want to be here anymore. I can't stop crying. I can't deal with the grief. So much grief.

@JamSandle please seek some RL support urgently can you call samaritans? Please don't think like that. Is there anything you want to talk about?

Oh @JamSandle I’m so sorry you’re having those feelings. But it’s good that you have crying as an outlet. Cry as much and for as long as you need to but please don’t hurt yourself.

Speaking to the Samaritans is a good idea. Or Cruse have a bereavement support line which will be open at 9.30am tomorrow. The number is 0808 808 1677.

I hope you can look after yourself tonight and get some rest. These emotions are exhausting.

@JamSandle I've been there when you feel like there's no way out of the despair. I actually did take an overdose last year. But you know what even though I'm still struggling a bit with my MH things are so much better than they were 8/9 months ago. I've called the Samaritans before and found them helpful. Hang in there. X

You've got us here too if you need to vent on here please do x

Thank you to you all. I'm literally just doing work, laundry and walking to escape and avoid my mind at the moment.

Good on you! Mindfulness. Your updated post is definitely more cherpy than the first. Hope you're feeling a little better. Vent away on here were all here for you x

You are so kind.

How is everyone today?

I've had a bad night with ds so I'm really tired and extremely anxious today 😞

Sorry to hear you are feeling tired and anxious. Is it possible for you to have a quick walk around the block today? I like to listen to rain and fire sounds on YouTube in the background while I work - I'm watching a cabin with a fire on and rain outside right now which helps to calm me down.

I'm a bit better than yesterday. Still focusing on work to be my distraction.

@JamSandle thank you for responding. I'm working from home and have ds home poorly so I can't go out 😞 thanks for the youtube ideas ill take a look.

Glad you're feeling a little better today. Please keep reaching out on here though.

I'm so fed up with my ocd. I'm consumed by guilty feeling constantly and just really dislike myself x

How are you feeling now? Did you find anything on YouTube and if so did it help at all?

What are you feeling guilty about and why do you dislike yourself?

It sounds like you're doing the best you can and being a great mum to your son. Being human isn't for the faint hearted. I hope you can be kind to yourself and know you're deserving of being liked and loved especially by yourself.

@JamSandle you're so kind after having such a bad time yesterday to reach out. Not managed to get on youtube yet as had ds with me all day and just got him to sleep. He's back at nursery tomorrow so I'm 100 percent going to look.

Not sure what experience you have with ocd but it makes you doubt everything. Recently I blamed myself for losing my ddog and that absolutely consumed me having to make that dreadful decision. But in every day life I have a constant knot in my stomach that I'm doing something wrong and I'm a bad person. Past mistakes made eat me up etc. Its awful 😞

Enough about me. I'm going to have a beer and watch a Netflix series. How are you doing today?

@Jk24 Poor you. I noticed my anxiety and OCD get worse when I have no time for myself and when I'm stressed by family.

You are doing so great by helping your son. I know what it's like when days are hard and when we end up disliking ourselves. We are here for you xx

@snowfoxglove thank you. Just sat having a little cry but I usually feel better after a cry. I think I'm over tired today as ds was up coughing half the night then I had to work until 3pm with him bored at home bless him so I felt guilty for that too. Thank you for being here I really appreciate it, just writing it down helps x

It's actually helping me to (hopefully) be of some help to you. You were also very kind to me when I was having a bad day.

I'm a bit better today but still bracing myself. I've had some bad news recently which could go one way or the other so that uncertain feeling is with me and yep I have that knot in the stomach too.

I dont know a great deal about OCD though sometimes think I have traits (rumination for example). It probably is not that helpful, but try to remember that losing your dog is not your fault and ALL humans make mistakes.

There's not a single one of us that doesnt. Can you challenge some of these thoughts?

Say something like, 'yes I'm imperfect and have made mistakes JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I'm still a good human being and doing a bloody good job and I deserve to be easy on myself.'

@JamSandle I completely understand that, I also like offering others support when needed. It kind of gives you a purpose and like you're giving something back.

Sorry to hear of your bad news, share what you want to share or not but here for a hand hold.

I've been 'taking my thoughts to court' the last couple of weeks as recommended by my cbt therapist. What evidence is there that this happened because I did that etc. I was becoming obsessed so took kielyflowers advice and closed court for the day before I had my bath/shower so I cam try and relax in the evenings.

I guess we all need to be kinder to ourselves don't we x

Thank you. I'm basically waiting to find out if my partner will give us another chance or not. Its a horrible limbo and I feel terribly sick and scared and shaky. I'm watching a film but so distracted. I just want to be given another chance so I can prove I can treat him as he deserves. I want the chance to show he matters to me. But it all feels very out of my control which is deeply uncomfortable.

I'm glad that the idea of closing court is a helpful one for you. I've not heard of that before.

One thing helping me is I'm totally ignoring social media while I'm feeling so low. I know I'm too vulnerable and might tip over the edge.

@Jk24 sorry to see you've had a tough day. I always find a little cry sort of releases the tension a bit. Totally get you on the guilt thing. OCD can make you feel guilty about the most irrational things. It's like you know deep down it's all bo*cks but the fear and guilt that you could possibly be wrong just overrides it. Hopefully you'll get a good nights sleep. Tiredness really does ramp the intrusive thoughts up I find. Xx

@JamSandle I hope I'm not out of line here as of course I don't know the back story... but would it not benefit you to take some control? Give an ultimatum and not have the carrot dangled. Give until x day to decide or you will decide for him? Again I don't know the back story here so apologies if this isn't helpful.

I'm not on social media. I can't be doing with it at the best of times lol. Mumsnet is perfect for me.

@Ilovedogs1 Thank you. I know you understand all too well in the ocd department. I'll probably worry in case I've overstepped with my advice to jamsandle in a bit! X

I think that's an interesting perspective. Perhaps so. Perhaps I could. But I was in the wrong and he is needing time to process. So I'm trying to give him that time. But it's really not easy.

Also please don't worry- you didn't overstep!

Avoiding social media makes such a difference. Glad you're doing the same.

@JamSandle thank you and again not knowing the back story but as you rightly pointed out earlier, we all make mistakes. I hope you get what you want and need from your relationship. Best of luck and please keep us posted.

I came off Facebook around 11 years ago. Never looked back haha its the route of all evil.

Thank you. I definitely will. Sitting in the limbo is so so painful. Almost unbearable. Im literally doing laundry right now, again to keep myself occupied!

Day 4 of Sertraline and it's not very pleasant. According to my Fitbit watch, I only slept 1hr45 minutes last night and I am feeling really rough today. Absolutely shattered with constant nausea and headaches. I know I have to ride out the first few weeks but this is tough!

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

@JamSandle hope you managed some sleep! Me and ds were up half the night so I'm keeping him off today hes burning up bless him.

@Tarsandcase I feel your pain with the lack of sleep. Can you catch up on any today at all?