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Original poster

My dog saved my life yesterday

116 replies

mydogisagudboy · 28/11/2023 01:54

I have insurmountable problems. They really are insurmountable. Health issues , work issues , family issues and friend issues.

I rang Samaritans last night and even the volunteer said my plan was well thought through and I'd thought about everything. And i had . I had every last detail sorted.

Except my dog would not leave me . I tried to shut him in the kitchen with a note on the door , and he wouldn't stop crying and scratching to get back to me .
When I let him out he stuck to my side . He wouldn't let me go to the loo alone . He got into bed next to me . He got on my knee . He cuddled into my neck . He eventually got under the covers and made sure he was touching me all night .

So I couldn't do it . I couldn't bear the thought of him crying to get to me . So I'm still here . I hate my life so much but I can't leave him . He's absolutely the only reason I'm here today .

OP posts:
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capabilityfrowns · 01/12/2023 19:29

I tried to tell my sister how I felt and for a diatribe back basically telling me I'm selfish , I've brought everything on myself, pull myself together and she told me so .

She told me to get a solicitor and start divorce proceedings then said she told me solicitors are just sharks who aren't acting in anyone's interest.

Then she forwarded my own message back to me which means she meant to send it to someone else so she's bitching about me to someone .

capabilityfrowns · 02/12/2023 01:54

She told me to do it.

capabilityfrowns · 02/12/2023 01:55

She said I'm using my dog as an excuse. Said just do what I want to do

comfyoldcardi · 02/12/2023 02:00

Your sister is horrible. You need to distance yourself from her and realise that she is really bad for you.
I am so sorry. It must be soul destroying to find your own sister doesn't care about you.

IncompleteSenten · 02/12/2023 08:15

That is such a damaging thing to say. I'm so sorry that she said that to you.

Please, please continue to think of your children, your dog, everyone in your life who the loss of you would break. Please ask for help. Nothing matters more than getting the help you need. No perceived consequence of that is worse than the consequences of not getting that help.

When I was in my late teens and after a previous suicide attempt I took to keeping my parents up all night while I talked about my suicidal ideation. I know that was selfish and they were knackered but one night my dad told me, and I quote, to "put up or shut up".

So I put up. Long story short, eventually I enjoyed several enforced stays in the mental health unit at the hospital.

Years later my dad confessed the horrendous guilt he felt and that he blamed himself for everything that happened after he said those words.

He said that he was frantically worried, felt helpless and thought he could "shock me out of it".

He regretted his words every day until the day he died. But they didn't come from a place of hatred, they came from worry and panic.

Do you think there is any possibility that's where your sister is?

Frequency · 02/12/2023 14:31

I'm thinking along the same lines as @IncompleteSenten regarding your sister. Is it possible she doesn't know any other way to get you the help you need unless you get worse?

There are times when part of me has wished DD would get worse. Not because I want her to be unwell or because I hate her but because the system in this country is so fucked that help isn't available for anyone but the very, very ill. Sometimes, her getting worse was the only way I could see her ever getting better. We were stuck in a limbo where she was too unwell to live a normal life but not unwell enough to get any meaningful help.

It's a horrible thing for her to say and for you to hear, regardless. Try to focus on the people in your life who are offering you support like your manager instead.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 15:44

I’ve been in that limbo for two decades. Nowadays you basically have to be hallucinating and homicidal to get any help

capabilityfrowns · 03/12/2023 17:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn by MNHQ.

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 03/12/2023 17:51

Oh sweetheart.

Summermeadowflowers · 03/12/2023 17:55

Be careful with that neighbour. She is no friend of yours.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 03/12/2023 18:03

How are you doing OP?

SkatieKatie · 03/12/2023 18:10

Summermeadowflowers · 03/12/2023 17:55

Be careful with that neighbour. She is no friend of yours.

I agree with this absolutely

GreekDogRescue · 03/12/2023 18:14

dogs are so amazing

TiptoeTess · 03/12/2023 18:17

mydogisagudboy · 28/11/2023 02:17

My cleaner /home help found my notes id made to stick to the doors . She made me call my manager. And then she left notes in my fridge saying if you feel like this again call me . My manager turned up at my house .

The Samaritans called me back today .

I've got health issues that have rendered me almost disabled. I was turned down for pip .

I'm alone .
No one cares . I don't have my family or friends . My dd has said she can't speak to me because I filed for divorce but Ive but it on hold now because if Ive got something life limiting I'm going to leave things alone . Long story . I can't tell them anything they'll think I'm attention seeking. I did text my soon to be ex husband but he ignored me . I had it meticulously planned. I just couldn't do it to my little man . He wouldn't let me .

I did text my best friend today who said he loves me and I'm to call him whatever time it is if I feel like that again . He said he be round in the focus of fury Smile my home help lady has been so lovely and even though I've only known her 6 months she was so kind. She even offered to come and stay with me.

I'm alright today . I'm still sad . But not actively planning anything. Taking a day at a time .

In this post you say you are alone and no-one cares… and then you list a whole load of people who care and are trying to help!
Read your post again love. There are people trying to get you through this. Let them help.

GreekDogRescue · 03/12/2023 18:22

Rodders92 · 29/11/2023 20:46

Just a thought , have you been taking doxycycline as they are known to trigger anxiety and mood disorders in some people, I had experience of this, hope things start to improve for you soon , your dog looks wonderful

Show quote history

I had suicidal feelings while taking amitriptyline. Some medicines have a terrible effect on our mental health.

GreekDogRescue · 03/12/2023 18:26

I also wanted to say persevere with PIP.
Its so easy to be a bit stiff upper lip about health problems.I helped a friend with her form and she kept saying oh it’s not that bad, etc, but you have to be completely honest about how hard it is. Maybe get a friend or help from the Citizens Advice bureau about how to fill it in to tick their boxes.

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 18:31

Just a thought , have you been taking doxycycline as they are known to trigger anxiety and mood disorders in some people

I had suicidal feelings while taking amitriptyline. Some medicines have a terrible effect on our mental health.

Different people suit different medications, one that suits one person will make someone else worse. So it's trial and error and just because some individuals don't get on with a med, doesn't mean that med is bad and won't be a lifesaver for someone else.

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 18:33

I also wanted to say persevere with PIP.

Yep, appeal @capabilityfrowns , lots of them get sorted on appeal. But you do need a medical professional to back you up, both in claiming PIP, and for the appeal.

comfyoldcardi · 04/12/2023 10:15

Doxycycline is known to cause psychotic episodes. There have been some awful incidents.

comfyoldcardi · 04/12/2023 11:12

Please tell your doctor OP.

Missingmyusername · 04/12/2023 11:32

Am I reading right that you’ve attempted to take your own life?
Please inform your G.P about how you are feeling OP.
Your neighbour may not have said the right thing but finding you would be distressing.
Your sister sounds horrid.

Please ring the Samaritans, get some help. Think of your dogs OP. xxx

capabilityfrowns · 05/12/2023 19:04

And today my dog has to be out to sleep . Took him to vet thinking he has a water infection turned out to be a massive timour on his spleen which was already bleeding into his tummy . It was going to rupture so he was put to sleep . I'm devastated

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 05/12/2023 19:05

Oh my love I am so so sorry.

He knew what he had to do and he stayed until he did it.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 05/12/2023 19:10

Really sorry, but if you’ve got an advocate in PIP hearings you shouldn’t need a medical professional. I’ve had tribunal judges just wave away a medical judgment but grant my client’s appeal anyway.

Frequency · 05/12/2023 19:11

Oh OP. I am devastated for you.

Please remember we are all here for you.