My dog saved my life yesterday

[mydogisagudboy]

I have insurmountable problems. They really are insurmountable. Health issues , work issues , family issues and friend issues.

I rang Samaritans last night and even the volunteer said my plan was well thought through and I'd thought about everything. And i had . I had every last detail sorted.

Except my dog would not leave me . I tried to shut him in the kitchen with a note on the door , and he wouldn't stop crying and scratching to get back to me .
When I let him out he stuck to my side . He wouldn't let me go to the loo alone . He got into bed next to me . He got on my knee . He cuddled into my neck . He eventually got under the covers and made sure he was touching me all night .

So I couldn't do it . I couldn't bear the thought of him crying to get to me . So I'm still here . I hate my life so much but I can't leave him . He's absolutely the only reason I'm here today .

How are you doing today?

If you are kind to animals OP, which you clearly are than you are loving and caring.

Your employer may be able to refer you to occupational health, who can refer on to counselling. I hope you will see your G.P and I hope you feel a little better about things.

I am so sorry OP that you are going through this.

I was where you are about 2 months ago and thankfully my wonderful GP and the mental health crisis team and one good friend pulled me out of it.

Please reach out for help.

Your little dog needs you and things will get better.

If you were refused PIP don't hesitate to challenge the decision. I had to go to the tribunal stage to get it. So many people are initially refused any support and then get the decision overturned at a later stage.

Your manager is not a healthcare professional...

If you got to the stage where you were thinking of ending your life you definitely need support from your GP and so on. I could not have done it alone and without the medical support I received. I was also prescribed anti-depressant immediately by the GP and it made a real difference.

I am getting another cat soon. My old girl (who died of old age) really gave me a reason to get up everyday and it was lovely to have someone to care for so I am going to adopt a pet again.

Sending you a big hug.

My manager turned up at my house but I said I don't need professional help.

@mydogisagudboy If you have been feeling suicidal or very down then you need to let your GP know, and follow their advice/treatment.

Indeed. It's a very dangerous myth at that.
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/myths-about-suicide/

Most people who are really serious and do it rarely tell anyone or raise the alarm

As PP's said, that's a myth. Most people do mention it/mention how they're feeling.

@AthenaPopodopolous I have reported your post. I’m really saddened that you would comment to suggest that the poster is manipulating her family.

@mydogisagudboy He is a good boy! He deserves a treat and so do you. They know don’t they! What is his name?

Your manager said that they did not feel that you need professional help but I think that you do. Do you think that it would be helpful to talk? They won’t be able to solve your problems but they can do more than the Samaritans who are quite restricted in what advice they can offer.

@AthenaPopodopolous your post is totally inappropriate.

The OP needs support and understanding not criticism of this kind.

It is completely unacceptable to make this type of comment to someone who has just disclosed that they considered suicide the day before.

This is not about you and your mother either.

It is about the OP and right now she needs support and understanding.

I was suicidal 2 months ago. I had a complete breakdown one day and after that my mind was literally telling me that the only way out of the issues I was having was to die.

I made my will, wrote letters to say goodbye to my friends and I went searching on the internet at the most painless way to do it...I was no longer rational. By some miracle at some point I emailed the GP surgery and she and the Crisis Team saved me.

You have no idea what goes on in the mind of someone who has reached that level of despair and I suggest you try not to judge others in this way.

My dd doesn't know . And I wouldn't put this on her like that .

@capabilityfrowns can you talk to your GP and get a referral to the crisis team?

I'm ok . I don't feel I need to do that . I'm already on antidepressants but the antibiotics I'm on and have been on for almost 3 months cancel out the affects of all my other medications, I'm nearly through that treatment tho . Don't want anything on my medical records.

Oh sweetheart I really think you need to get proper help. You should go back to the doctor - you're already on antidepressants so it can't do any harm to go back and tell them you need a meds swap.

They usually work fine but the antibiotics I've been on for months (and have nearly got through with gritted teeth) cancel anything else out so a swap wouldn't help .

Are you sure about that?

Just a thought , have you been taking doxycycline as they are known to trigger anxiety and mood disorders in some people, I had experience of this, hope things start to improve for you soon , your dog looks wonderful

Yes . 100% sure . I listened to the infectious disease consultant when he spoke .

Out of curiosity, why do you not want mental health struggles on your medical records? It affects very little these days. Unless you are hoping to apply for a firearms license or join the army no one but medical professionals directly involved with you will ever see your medical records.

Also, my DD struggles with her mental health and her issues sound similar to yours. She is convinced the entire world hates her and would be better off without her when she is unwell. I can sit with her for hours and tell her all the different ways I love her and she will still tell me I am only saying that because I have to and that I would be better off and happier without her. So, if you ever want to chat, I'm here. Believe me, I have heard it all before and I keep odd hours due to shift work so I'm often awake late at night and early in the morning.

PM if you want to swap numbers/emails/whatever.

I just keep thinking about my brother who took his own life two years ago. If only he had had a dog with him I think that would have stopped him.

No problem is insurmountable. Please reach out and get help. X

I'm already on antidepressants

There are loads of different ones they can try. Also @capabilityfrowns , they can up the dose while you're on antibiots or add something else in if needed.

I think part of your/a lot of people's depression is you think nothing can be done to change a situation, when often there are quite a few ways of improving things.

Well I'm only 9 days off finishing the meds

Tried to speak to my sister for a diatribe that basically said pull yourself together, this is all your own fault and I told you so .
I've blocked .

My pet helped to save my life, too.

It’s many years later now and she has died but I carry her in my heart; just today was thinking how lucky I was to have had her.

things will get better, even though that will feel impossible right now.
Do a day at a time. access all the support you can.

OK I haven’t quite rtft so I apologise if I’m repeating/missing something but I wanted to respond as soon as I read the OP.

1. SO glad you’re still here, and grateful that you had a friend to pull you back from the brink.

2. I’m no big fan of Samaritans - if you’re under I think 30? Try Papyrus. It might be 35. But they’ve proved invaluable to me over the years, much more focused on engaging in a dialogue with you and maybe even coming up with some solutions, however temporary.

2b) Also your GP, if you can.

3. I’m really glad you’ve still not only got the capacity to believe you can matter for a friend, a furry or human friend. Hold on to that, please.

4. this has probably been said 200 times already, but to your dog the sun shines out of you, and he depends on you to live. It’s super hard even to get up or eat or whatever if you’re severely depressed but that dog is going to absolutely worship you just for a meal and a few kind words in the morning. Sometimes it can feel as if it cheapens things and I acknowledge this, but I’ve seen dogs in shelters and trust me you’re a good owner if your dog is enthusiastic enough to keep you going.

5. I went through an acutely suicidal period earlier this year - I’ve got 18 attempts under my belt - and I got through it just by telling a friend I loved her and how much she meant to me. Would that help with the dog? The difference is your dog is probably not a busy career woman and can return your affection in spades.

6. while it’s easy to get a dog to seek approval from you, you do have to be good and worthwhile for them to treat you as their favourite human. So you’re being a good dog owner. If that has to be your reason to live for a while, it’s horrible but it’s a reason. If your brain works better with stuff like this, think ot Greyfriars Bobby returning to his owner’s grave every day for the rest of his life. If it doesn’t, you can focus more on the positives.

7. sending hugs and love. Really hope you get through.