I hate everything and everyone.
they don’t know it, I grew up in a really dangerously volatile home so I can act like no one else on this planet to keep people happy/ make them like me.
I hate the people at my uni. All of them, but especially the tutors. I consider ending my life most mornings that I’m forced to attend. My mask slipped the other day and I admitted I didn’t want to be there And went home early. I don’t know what they think about it, no one said anything. I might not go back. I could pass the course tomorrow , it’s not challenging but the peopling is intense and that’s what I hate.
I hate my husband now, I hate the fact that I have to give him my bedroom to sleep in if I want to watch a movie in the lounge because the house is too small so he sleeps in there. I preferred it when I had the sitting room but somehow I get sent upstairs each night instead now.
I hate the feeling I get when they’re due home each evening and the subsequent noise and mess and shit that men and kids create. I hate cooking. I’ve just abandoned another meal halfway through because it’s not going well and I didn’t want it anyway. I throw almost everything away that needs cooking eventually. Lamb and potatoes gets binned half cooked , I eat bread and butter instead, far too often.
I hate my self, my appearance the insipid way I dress and the lack of any style or identity. I last spoke to my last friend several years ago , I went on a ghosting mission around the time my son was born and just blocked everyone. I can’t remember why. I’m in tears now because I’ve failed to cook a meal again and I have to go to uni tomorrow and I can’t fail but I feel like I’ve reached the limits of this bullshit again.
why is it so hard?