Am falling to pieces

[EmilyBronte]

Please someone help me. I can't hold it together any more. I am scared. My brother has cancer and my husband has no ability to help me emotionally. Yesterday was my brother's birthday and the family visited him in hospital, was actually a lovely afternoon but when I got home and the kids were in bed I lost it, hurt myself, now am bruised and sore. DH thought I was just 'over-reacting'. Am now feeling desperate, so unhappy, scared I will hurt myself worse next time, scared about my kids and not knowing how I will cope from now on. My children are tiny as well, baby and toddler. Please help me as I can't go on like this.

That's really really really!
God I'm tired

Emily it's not easy I really understand it took me ages to tell my Midwife several times I just opened my mouth and said nothing because I did not know how to verbalise it. I had been half trying to hide the marks when she and the student were trying to take my BP and half wanting them to notice and ask what they were in the end I just showed her my wrist blurted it out right before I was going to leave the room then I was there even longer LOL She did know something was wrong mind because I had rung up on the Monday before I did it in a tizz she had not been there and the only midwife who was was the one in the group I did not know at all.

Still don't know if my GP knows she said she was going to tell him but when I went to see him he did not mention it so neither did I because I still find it hard to talk about face to face he did however ask if I wanted to see him more than once a month as I have been so it is possible he was seeing if I would open up.

Being scared is normal there is possibly no one reason. It is hard to admit you have these thoughts because there is a stigma to anything to do with mental health and always a concern (although unfounded) that they may not think you are fit to care for your children. Too tired to think of others but there are probably more.

I am scared of that (them thinking I can't look after the kids). But I want to say something because I need them to know how serious this all is. I'm not sure who else I'd tell though. I feel more relaxed talking with my HV than the GP.

Maybe it would help to talk things through with people who understand? It may be worth trying the SANEline www.sane.org.uk/SANEline or the local MIND group www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area who you may be able to talk to face to face or over the phone, they may be able to help you find a way to feel confident enough to actually tell her and ask for extra support.

EB, when I had stuff I needed to tell but couldn't, I ended up writing a letter. I felt stupid, but somehow writing it down - how I felt, what I was worried about, what I knew wasn't a problem (me hurting DS) and how I really wanted someone to help me - made it much easier.

I don't want to write much about this because I usually namechange (not because I am ashamed or embarrassed but because I suspect my ex lurks and I don't want to say too much)

I really like that idea. I find when I write things down I can express what I really feel and think, much better than when I'm thinking them in my head.

Em how are things this weekend? Hope you are all enjoying easter