Am I having a midlife crisis?

[MerryMarigold]

I'm questioning everything at the moment, most notably my faith and my marriage. I feel like the past 20+ years I've been surviving / existing/ plodding along but not really questioning or growing in either my faith or my marriage. My relationship with both has suffered and now I'm full of questions which I can't answer: is God even out there? My whole community/ friendships revolves around my beliefs so if I lose that, I'll lose a lot, but I feel I've been pretending for so long. Is my marriage worth the effort? I haven't even been pretending with that, and the kids notice. We argue loads. The kids make comments (You don't love each other, you're just staying together for us etc. etc.). I'm sure if I heard a man saying these things I'd do an internal eye roll - typical midlife crisis! So self focussed!

I feel utterly lost and yet also finally like I'm facing things. Will this go away if I wait it out? The doctor was not keen on HRT as my periods are totally clockwork so she said I'm still producing oestrogen. Anyone been through this and come out. What did you do? I'm 50. My kids are 14 and 17.

@talknomore, oh my the A Levels are a long story. I put a significant amount of effort into researching options after he did very badly end of Y12. He's doing Maths and Physics but he's naturally creative and he is doing well / loves his Product design course. I was encouraging him to go down the design route and found so many things he would love and excel in - but I was shouted at for being unsupportive. He has a very I iced mindset suspect ASD, diagnosed ADHD. So we have a hard year ahead as he gets highly stressed and anxious, food and sleep issues.

@Hughcanoe, it's lovely to know I'm not alone with the house stuff and some of the mental stuff! Thank you so much for your messages.

Then just hold his hand... it is so hard!
My son can now tell me that this or that would work. I know he would have been so anxious if I interfered.
I guess your son still could.go towards design career. I strongly pushed my son to do an Art foundation course. He chosen one at uni which was most aligned with his interests. It wasn't difficult because we are in London. What is your son's third subject called?