I don’t want to be here anymore

[SoLostInMyLife]

I feel so lost. I hate my life. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing is helping

I hope you're OK OP? I'm starting to feel a bit better again, though sleeping at weird times!
Actually one thing that makes me know I'm a bit better is that I'm starting to get upset about everyday things again! For example, on my birthday back in June, my brother-in-law upset me (he was a bit selfish and thoughtless) and basically ruined a big birthday. It upset me for ages, but when my depression hit a few weeks ago, it didn't matter as I had a huge trauma and dissociated from life, and wanted to die. Nothing worldly mattered at all anymore. Well, funnily enough, my bil's birthday behaviour started to bother me again yesterday! Weird as it sounds, I was really pleased; as a sign I'm getting myself back!
At the height of my despair, I almost got rid of all my possessions, as nothing mattered at all. Good thing I didn't!
But I'm having ups and downs, so still on my guard for the possible return of suicidal thoughts. I still find life exhausting, and still would be content to drift off in my sleep. But I can honestly say I don't feel actually suicidal at the moment. I did about three weeks ago. Progress.

@Ruminate2much you put that so well! It may seem forever but it's not.
@SoLostInMyLife are you any better? Thinking of you x

@Dawn1331 thank you so much for your kind compliment. I get the impression you have really good empathy, and a lot of understanding of the human mind x

Hit another deep low again.

OP, I'm so sorry. You hadn't posted for a while, and I wondered whether that was good news or bad news.
It sounds as though you were feeling better, but that you've sunk again? Cling onto the fact you did feel better for a time, and so you will again. I've been having loads of ups and downs. Much of it depending on what's going on with life. Are you being affected by what's going on in the world? I know the middle-east situation is really getting me down. So, I'm staying away from news sources as much as possible. I can't do anything about it, and it just causes my mental health to go downhill again.
Take care, and keep posting for as long as you need x

@Ruminate2much thanks. Could you maybe pm me, really needing someone to talk to.

Of course. I will do it now...

Hey there,
do not give up. It is worth trying.

If you have the time watch geogina ede on youtube, she is american mental health practitioner and discusses the link between mental health and diet.

Also have a look at videos by Chris Palmer, much more scientific but can help you understand what is going on.

His book is really good, but a hard slog to read.

How are you doing?

I tried a mindfulness cbt thing that I had been recommended on Tuesday and he said some awful unsure stuff that made me go from feeling a little more positive but still depressed to wanting to end it all. Thankfully I have a friend who was able to see how badly it affected me and has worked tirelessly to make sure I don't believe the rubbish he was spouting but it was hard.

I'm bored of trying to get better
L it feels like and endless slog

And then when you think it's ok-ish it all fails and we're back on the ledge just wanting to see what would happen.

Sending hugs