I don’t want to be here anymore

[SoLostInMyLife]

I feel so lost. I hate my life. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing is helping

For how long and at what doses?

When you last saw some improvement, can you pinpoint anything that was helping at that time?

There have been multiple triggers the issue is I have no coping mechanisms so I'm like a duck on a water-ski no idea how or what to do next or for the best x

I can tell you now that statement about them being better off without you is a load of rubbish. Take it from someone who knows this..your mother copping out and leaving you for whatever reason ruins your life and your world never recovers. I've sadly got no other advice but I'm sure others have.
Your children need you- you are their world even though you're in a bad place at the moment.
.

I’m sorry but that’s how I feel. I can’t help it. I wish I could change this feeling but I can’t. I see everyone getting on with their lives happy and it makes me sad that I’m this way.

Do you drink any alcohol?

Interesting study - I hadn’t actually seen this before but I read about it in the paper today.

It shows that physical activity is 1.5 times more effective than counselling or medications at treating depression. Results seen in 12 weeks! Definitely worth a try!

https://www.unisa.edu.au/media-centre/Releases/2023/exercise-more-effective-than-medicines-to-manage-mental-health/

OP, I feel like this. I actually know that if I took my life it would cause other people pain, so I keep myself going for that reason; but I pray every day that I will part this world by other means.
The thought of keeping this act up for several decades more is overwhelming.
I hear of people who have terminal illness, who want to live, and think what a terrible irony it is, as I would dearly love to give them my good physical health. My physical health is good. My mental health is terrible. Though actually it was a recent accident and medical treatment trauma that triggered my latest crisis.
I'll say to you, what others are saying to me, and deep down I sort of believe it - keep going, hang on, things WILL get better x

@Caro678 barely any. Wish I could go out and have a sociable drink though. But my head tells me all sorts and it puts me off

Here is a link for some support groups around the Belfast area -
https://aware-ni.org/support-groups/

Is there a church near you you could go to? I don't know if that's your thing, but I want you to know I'm praying for you, that God will lift you out of this darkness and show you how much he loves you.

Alcohol is a depressant. It mucks with your brain chemistry. It’s really not good for people with depression or anxiety, even in small amounts. So I would cut that out all together and see if that helps.

Social activities are important though. As PP suggested, a church service is a good place to drop in if that feels like something you could do. Even if you don’t believe or are unsure, singing together can give a wonderful mood boost as well as being around friendly, caring people who would like to help you.

Which anti depressants have you tried? I found citalopram helped bit flat lined me.

prozac / fluoxetine was a game changer: the first 2 to 3 weeks can be worse so could you get someone to stay with you.

ask GP for sleeping tablets too for a couple of weeks. If you sleep you feel able to conquer more.

Hi OP so sorry you are feeling like this and that things feel so hopeless right now. Please seek support from the mental health crisis team as you are in crisis. I know you have tried some anti-depressants and it can take time to find the right one. Have you tried Mirtazipine? I am mentioning that one as it is really good at helping you get a good nights sleep which really helps when you have a mind that is on a cycle of negative talk (I am the same and find Mirtazipine really helps I sleep well 99% of the time now). Also you may have depression that is a bit treatment resistant ( I have it) and could do with seeing a psychiatrist. I did and was put on a combo of 2 AD’s together (Mirtazipine and Venlafaxine) which worked well for years. I know waiting for a psych appt can take ages but it is definitely worth trying another AD from GP and if sleep is an issue Mirtazipine may help. Xx

Everyone may be getting on with their lives but life is not a competition. We're all running our own race.

Go for a run - endorphins released after a run is better than any drug. You run your own race.

I’m with Soggycocopops, running, or any exercise, such as brisk walking, can provide immediate relief and can work wonders to help slowly improve your mental health.

Can you go running/ walking/bike riding then have a bath, then a cuppa every day from now on while you wait for another doctors appointment? Sending love and strength

Hello OP, I am thinking of you!

@SoLostInMyLife how're you today?

Still feeling dreadfully low. Still don’t want to be here. Still pondering my life and what to do next.

Has anyone felt like this before and got through it? My head still won’t stop with intrusive thoughts.

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Anything at all?
A tv-show, a movie, a book, a computer game?
A Wikipedia-rabbit hole?

I am thinking of you, OP, and I really hope you will feel better soon.

OP, I feel so full of empathy for you, as I've been feeling such despair recently myself. For me, it's not being able to be comforted. The feeling that all the usual things I'd do to cheer myself up, had no effect whatsoever. That nothing could satiate me. But I've started to see a bit of light from yesterday. I'm tentatively hopeful.
There are times when we just have to keep breathing, to cling on, and know it will get better in time. Feel free to pm me.
Take care x

I've felt desperately low before too, so desperately low and hopeless that I didn't believe it could ever get better. Hearing other people's advice felt so hollow and somehow made me feel even more alone.

Keep holding on

Lots of people, lots

Please keep holding on, do one positive action every day
You will come out the other side

We're all rooting for you OP. We, strangers to you, care. It may be that at the moment you have to take each minute at a time, or even each second. But as time goes on, you may be able to take each hour at a time; then each day and so on. It's amazing, but I already feel better than I did two days ago.
I went through three weeks or so of sheer hell. I honestly felt my life was in danger, and the suicidal thoughts were very real. My mental health issues are decades old and ongoing, but the recent really hellish crisis had a trigger (accident and medical trauma) I had some days and nights that I thought I'd burst with grief and agitation. I couldn't even have posted here some days. I still feel very sad, and know it'll be an uphill struggle with setbacks, but honestly in two days there's been change already. I had a good night's sleep the night before last which was huge after so much insomnia.
I think some of us are very sensitive souls and find life hard. We need time to re-order our minds sometimes.
You have such value and worth. You're an asset to the world and those around you. Please please hang on in there. When you're out the other side, which you will be, you'll have so much empathy & compassion for others in despair - nothing goes to waste. You take care and keep posting as much as you need. We're here for you x

I totally get this feeling, i am exactly the same. Adore my children and they adore me but I could never vocalise to anyone how often i go to bed hoping I don't wake up.

OP I am so sorry for how your depression is making you feel, but you are not irrelevant, the people you see around you going about their happy lives are happier BECAUSE you are in their life, i guarantee it. I tell myself this too, it helps keep me hanging on to that thread rather than letting go of it.

@Outnumbered99 @Ruminate2much

thank you. At my wits end today. I’m so angry at myself for letting this happen. I’ve f*cked everything up and I can’t change it. I continually wallow in self pity and let my negativity take over. I’m not a nice person to be around. Hence why I’ve nobody.