Failed at my career and want to die

[workfailure1234567890]

I know nobody can fix this and I don't need to be told this is my fault or that I deserve it because I already know that. So you don't need to say it.

I've failed at my career, my job is stressful and miserable, and my employer doesn't value me - which is fair enough because I'm worthless and useless. I can't get a different job because I'm useless and a failure.

Every day I go to work telling myself it's a new day and it's just a job and it will be fine. And every day by the time I come home I just want to die because my life is pointless and I'm a failure.

I already have the number for Samaritans and all the relevant professionals know I feel this way and have basically said it's a logical reaction to my circumstances. It's just not fixable and I have no future.

I've asked for help, accepted help, helped myself, but there's nothing that can be done to make my life bearable. I assume people are just waiting for me to get on with it and end my life now, because there's nothing anybody can do.

I was hoping today would be different or better and I'm so disappointed this is what it's come to.

Are you a doctor OP?

Please go and see your GP - you sound seriously depressed and you need time off. Maybe you’ll be able to go back, maybe not - either way there is much much more to you and to your life than this one career.

Name changed.

12 months ago I felt I’d failed at my career. I loved my job, I’d put my heart and soul into it. It was part of me but I was so unhappy. I started self harming and attempted suicide over a particular work related issue because I knew I had to leave but couldn’t imagine my life without that job.

It destroyed me and I had a complete breakdown. My issue was more specific, around how I was being treated, lied to and manipulated. Oh the lies that I brought into!

I did what to me was unthinkable and left.

You know what, it WAS just a job after all. My identity wasn’t linked to it. I got a new job very quickly, along with a number of other opportunities that literally fell into my lap as soon as I quit. My employer paid me a severance package in exchange for not getting sued which allowed me to buy something I’d always wanted but couldn’t justify and it makes me smile everyday. My new job turned out to be a million times better but also I feel valued and respected. It’s led to some fantastic opportunities and I’m just starting work on a project I literally could only dream of. My confidence (and salary) have soared way beyond where I was at.

I never thought I’d be able to find something to replace my old job but I did. And wow life is better! I’m not invested emotionally in my new role and company the same way and have a much better balance in life too. I don’t recognise the me of 12 months ago.

I rarely think of my old job despite the fact that it’s still relatively recent that I had that complete breakdown and left (it was this year which amazes me).

Leaving and starting over in something new is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Take a leap of faith. Trust me, I never thought it was possible myself, but it’s felt like winning the lottery how it’s all panned out.

Hi OP. I couldn’t read this and not reply. First of all, I promise that you will look back on this day in the not so distant future and be glad you stayed. Please tell someone, anyone, how you feel. Keep talking here too if it helps.

Your post was haunting for many reasons. Firstly, to know that someone is out there feeling such despair right now. Sending you a warm hug. And secondly, it was also haunting as I could have written so much of it a few years ago.

I took on a huge promotion at work, hated my life (as my life was my job) and wanted to die. I had a breakdown after working 80 hour weeks week after week and never returned. I spent months thinking I was a failure (I wasn’t) but now I can see and think clearly, I count my blessings that I escaped an objectively toxic workplace where the people who still work there are still as miserable as when I left. I felt healthier in a matter of days and it was as if I turned the clock back in a matter of weeks of leaving as I also looked so much younger. I don’t earn the money I did with my promotion but I don’t want to ever again really. I have gained time which is more valuable to me than money and status and I love life once again. I spend my Sundays relaxing and look forward to Mondays. I sleep soundly and laugh often. My life is far better now. I’m a better friend, daughter etc…

I write this with my little one asleep on my lap. There is so much more to life than a job. I speak as a former workaholic whose self worth was so bound up in my success at work.

Has anyone heard? Are they OK?

You are very self aware, which will help you.

Not wanting to be an amateur psychologist but if work has filled a void that you associate with family, belonging and love you are probably giving work too much significance and when things are not working out all your grief and loss gets mixed in with your emotional response.

Please try and find a counsellor who can help you untangle all this. You really will be fine but you need to heal and get some support. You'll come out of this stronger. I am sorry for your loss, that must have been very traumatic. 💜

Are you a Doctor or teacher ? What profession are you in? people are leaving professional roles in droves you are not alone and it happens every day. Please ask your GP for a mental health assessment and seek some CBT counselling, how would you speak to a friend in this situation ?
You are not your job, you are much more than that. Sending hugs, it’s one step at a time but it’s totally fixable.

You don't have to give up on your career, you can do the same job somewhere else that appreciates you.

I love my job, I'm very lucky. But wind back 6 years and I was totally miserable. I was doing the exact same type of job that I'm doing now but the company was toxic.

Working in a place that values its employees and has people that you can respect and enjoy working with makes a massive difference.

Start looking for another job in a business where there's a supportive and friendly culture. Use Glassdoor to find out what businesses are really like and only apply for roles in companies that are good to work for.

Also just wanted to say, just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly. The best is yet to come, don’t give up.