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Mental health

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Original poster

Failed at my career and want to die

83 replies

workfailure1234567890 · 18/09/2023 19:52

I know nobody can fix this and I don't need to be told this is my fault or that I deserve it because I already know that. So you don't need to say it.

I've failed at my career, my job is stressful and miserable, and my employer doesn't value me - which is fair enough because I'm worthless and useless. I can't get a different job because I'm useless and a failure.

Every day I go to work telling myself it's a new day and it's just a job and it will be fine. And every day by the time I come home I just want to die because my life is pointless and I'm a failure.

I already have the number for Samaritans and all the relevant professionals know I feel this way and have basically said it's a logical reaction to my circumstances. It's just not fixable and I have no future.

I've asked for help, accepted help, helped myself, but there's nothing that can be done to make my life bearable. I assume people are just waiting for me to get on with it and end my life now, because there's nothing anybody can do.

I was hoping today would be different or better and I'm so disappointed this is what it's come to.

OP posts:

Freshair1 · 18/09/2023 19:53

What's your job?

BadgeronaMoped · 18/09/2023 19:54

That sounds bloody miserable OP. Have you been diagnosed with depression (Sorry if that's too intrusive a question), you sound very depressed.
Could you take some time off via sick note, you sound at breaking point. No job should make you feel this way.

BingoandBlueyForever · 18/09/2023 19:55

Of course you can get a different job. It might not pay as much or be as highly regarded socially as your current profession is, but people change careers all the time. It’s quite common for people in particularly stressful careers to have a breakdown and change to something else less stressful, even if it means moving, a dramatic change in lifestyle. There is no shame in saying, this job was making me a miserable wreck so I left and did something else.

MajesticWhine · 18/09/2023 19:56

What makes you think it's not fixable? What's happened?

BingoandBlueyForever · 18/09/2023 19:57

And the professionals telling you the issue is not fixable and presumably trying to guide you to leave the job and try a different kind of career rather than suggesting you have no future.

BHRK · 18/09/2023 19:58

This is so fixable! You sound like you need antidepressants for a start. Contact your Gp and say you feel suicidal.
then immediately look for another job.. or quit work on mental health grounds. There are so many jobs you can do that will not be as stressful. A job is not worth your life

flappersdelight · 18/09/2023 20:03

I'm sorry you feel like this OP. Is is specifically the job/people at work that is making you feel this way? Because that is fixable! Leaving the job might be difficult short term, but it will be worth it and potentially life-changing in a positive way. It does sound like you need some antidepressants to help you as because you can't see the wood for the trees just now, and you need a hand to help you see that you are not worthless and that things can get better. Sick leave could help tide you over in the meantime to clear your head and help you decide on your next move. Hope things improve.

tescocreditcard · 18/09/2023 20:04

Your not a failure. Do you think you might be suffering from depression?

What did you do? Did you let a terrorist escape from a prison you were supposed to be guarding? Did you wreck the financial markets of a country you were supposed to be in charge of? No, thought not.

Everything is relative.

Tell us what you did and we'll try and help. You sound youngish.

MadeForThis · 18/09/2023 20:04

Your job doesn't define you. If it's making you unhappy you can make changes. Either a new company or a new career. There are always options.

helpfulperson · 18/09/2023 20:06

Your job is not your life. Of course it feels crap when things don't work out how you had hoped but there are always options.

If you were able to tell us what the job is and what went wrong I'm sure people can offer thoughts on possible options. But even if you you talk to the GP and get a few weeks sick while you regroup it will be fine. We are coming up to Christmas so lots of temp jobs around if you feel up to that.

Hollyppp · 18/09/2023 20:07

What’s your industry OP?

KathieFerrars · 18/09/2023 20:09

You have value. You have worth.

You are depressed so are not thinking rationally.
What is your job?
Do you feel that others only validate you because of the job you hold?
Why do you feel you are 'failing'?

There is a way through this. You can navigate this.
We are here.

katand2kits · 18/09/2023 20:10

A career is not your whole life. Ending a career is the start of a new journey. There are many other jobs you can do. Your first priority is to see a doctor and get yourself to a better place mentally. Jobs can come later. So many people don't stick with their first or even second career choice.

FlutterShite · 18/09/2023 20:11

I feel for you, OP. I've been in a similar mess, years ago. But if you can go to work in the morning and believe there's some hope for the day, and that you'll be fine, then in reality it can't be as disastrous and catastrophic as you're feeling. What would stop you from leaving, moving somewhere else (volunteering abroad somewhere for a while?) and resetting? Starting again, getting a change of perspective on yourself and your worth?

I know nothing about your job and your performance in it, but I do know you're not useless, you're a valuable person, a unique individual who needs support, a break and a change.

ReeseWitherfork · 18/09/2023 20:11

Ending your life is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are lots of jobs out there and there will be one that is right for you. Talk to us OP.

WonkyDesk · 18/09/2023 20:15

Listening if you feel like talking OP. My career has been a shit show to be honest. I'm literally starting from scratch.

Remember you are worthy.

Isthiscorrect · 18/09/2023 20:15

OP there are so many people who who value you and want to offer you positive help and advice. Come back and lets us know what we can do to help. Nothing is not fixable in some way.
Anti depressants from your GP would help. Go sick at work and use that time to find another job. It doesn't matter what it is. You can do this. Share with us and let us support you.

LadyBitsnBobs · 18/09/2023 20:16

Have you done something at work that will end up with you being sent to prison? Even if that’s the case… it’s not worth ending your life over.

If it’s anything less serious than a criminal act then surely the worst that can happen is you are sacked or you leave. Isn’t it?

I also got deep into a disastrous situation more than once at work (usually not my fault or mostly not my fault) and it has been dreadfully stressful. It does make you feel like a failed human being. But you aren’t. I promise.

Hardbackwriter · 18/09/2023 20:16

I am so sorry you're feeling like this. I went through a really awful period of clinical anxiety about work that left me feeling like that. I know it might feel impossible now but it isn't. I now do a different job, don't feel like that any more and now can't even believe I considered suicide over a job.

all the relevant professionals know I feel this way and have basically said it's a logical reaction to my circumstances. It's just not fixable and I have no future.

I totally believe this is what you heard; I don't believe that this is what they said. I found that I needed medication to get to the point where I could consider, and cope with, either life changes or therapy (I needed both - therapy really helped but ultimately I still couldn't cope in my old career). Some time away - which might mean being signed off - can also help a lot, especially if your career is one with a lot of toxic attitudes around. I was an academic and everyone I socialised with was too pretty much, and I lived in this bubble where our work felt so important, and that if I was failing at it I was useless. I had some time out (as it happens, on mat leave) and it was amazing how quickly I could see how ridiculous it all was.

Lougle · 18/09/2023 20:17

You are not your career. You are valuable because you're who you are, not because of what you do.

PandyMoanyMum · 18/09/2023 20:18

I felt like that.
There was a kernel of truth in that I wasn’t high performing, and probably somewhat below average.
I was very ill but I didn’t realise it.
My family forced me to the Dr who signed me off which made me feel even more of a failure for a bit.
But then I got medication and help and got things into proportion. I could then think properly and changed my job to something that I was more suited to.
You sound very poorly - thinking you should die because you aren’t good at your job is such a distorted view point. There are other ways to solve this. Please get help.

AmazingSnakeHead · 18/09/2023 20:19

Ok, back up a minute. What is your job? How old are you, and how long have you been at this job? You haven't failed at your career, there will definitely be opportunities for retraining or doing something else

duende · 18/09/2023 20:20

Your career does not define you.
Your performance in your current role does not define your worth as a person.

People change careers at all stages of life, some make small changes, others complete pivots.

It is so sad that any job would make someone want to give up on life.

Can you tell us more? I am sure there are solutions to your problem.

ttcat37 · 18/09/2023 20:21

Most importantly have you been to see your GP? Feeling this way is not a normal reaction to career disappointments/ perceived failures.

Do you have a family, friends, hobbies and interests outside of work that you get joy from?

It’s really difficult to have perspective on this without knowing what your work is and what has happened to make you feel this way. But ending your life is not a solution to anything.

Totaly · 18/09/2023 20:23

Usually when staff feel this way it’s because they have awful managers.

Take some time off and apply for other roles.

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