Anyone here got adult ADHD?

[Pegs11]

At age 43 I have just been diagnosed with ADHD (combined type), which I’ve had since a child but it has gone undiagnosed and untreated until now, because I always masked and internalised it.

I never even really knew what ADHD was, I thought it was just being hyperactive and impulsive. Now I know there is so much more to it… and it explains everything about how I experience life and the world around me.

I haven’t started the meds yet (hopefully next week) but I am keen to see how they might help. I particularly struggle with emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I’ve heard that the meds can help with this sometimes, but not always.

This feels like such a huge revelation… I never was able to understand, or explain to people, why I have always felt like my brain worked differently compared to others. For example, why things that seemed so easy to other people felt overwhelming to me. It is all beginning to make sense now.

I am starting to realise how fundamentally this condition has impacted on my life up until now and I’m pretty horrified.

I could really do with connecting with other people, especially women, who have experienced this… If any of you are out there and are willing to share your experiences and maybe answer some questions for me (I have so many!) please reply!

@wheresmymojo have you tried beta blockers for your anxiety? They are amazing if you need a short-term fix, like first few days back at work and need something to keep the palpitations at bay. I have a supply of 40mg propanalol which I just take when I know I’m going to have a stressful encounter with someone or if I have a big family event to endure. It’s very safe (unless you have asthma) so doctors are usually happy to prescribe it.

@Squeaky2023 how much I pick at my scalp is a measure of how bad a time I’m having. I can go a few months sometimes with no scalp picking, and then have months where I can’t stop and my hands ache from the picking. My nails get bitten every day without fail. Usually I don’t even notice I’m doing it. Sometimes my fingers bleed from the nail-biting 😞 I also have to pluck my eyebrows every night when I get into bed, and I can’t even begin to settle down until I’ve done this. Maybe it’s OCD rather than ADHD but I’m sure the two often go hand-in-hand.

It's interesting how many Adult ADHDers appear to have parents (particularly Mothers) who are emotionally distance and lack empathy.

This has kicked me. We have had a terrible summer with our ADHD 20 year old where it's my fault for everything. I'm 51 and I'm crying in my bedroom.

I don't agree with that first paragraph, my mum isn't emotionally distant or lack empathy.

I have been diagnosed as adhd as adult at 40 years old. I'm sorry to hear u have had a tough time.

@wheresmymojo i replied to you about the scalp-picking thing but accidentally tagged someone else, who I imagine must now be very confused 😅

I am 38 and I think I have adhd. I've been doing a lot of research into it as think my daughter has it and so much resonates with me. Will sort my daughter out first and then see about getting myself diagnosed

Hello everyone!

I'm 41 and had my assessment today and the guy said I'm likely to get a diagnosis, pending some input from someone who knew me as a child. My mum is happy to do that for me but I think feels a bit clueless as to what she'll say as she hadn't ever considered ADHD.

I feel a bit meh about it all right now to be honest. The result isn't a surprise to me at all, but now sat here wondering what the point of it all is. Did anyone else feel this way immediately after their appointment? Hopefully my follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks might help me to see the benefits of having a diagnosis.

As an aside, I used to be a scalp-picker too as a teenager but moved onto my lips when I was in my 20s and never stopped.

I got diagnosed 12/13 years ago, but ignored it and did nothing about it. Because what could I really do? I don’t want to be medicated.

Seems to be more of a thing now?

No idea what I could do differently as I don’t want to medicate myself. I suppose it’s a label but I rarely tell people about it. I’ve found ways to cope - I listen to a lot of podcasts and audiobooks to switch out my endless mental noise. Have tried all sorts of things like mindfulness (not always successful). Stay active. Don’t have a job that I would struggle to do (office job).

DH just got diagnosed and is thrilled, tells anyone who’ll listen, is proud of it, and is excited to take the drugs. I find his diagnosis odd. But the process was rigorous including calling his mother about his childhood. He sees his diagnosis as an excuse to play video games. I feel a little resentful - he’s excited to have something that has ruined my life.

@Depresssssion I’m really sorry your partner’s behaviour is unhelpful, that must be very difficult.

I have heard a lot of people say they don’t want to be medicated (not just for ADHD but for a range of conditions). I know some people are able to find ways to cope without it, which is enviable! It’s great that you have found ways that make you feel better.

I also see a lot of people (not just with ADHD but all kind of medical conditions) continuing to suffer without medication. My friend for example gets terrible migraines, but refuses to take painkillers for them, because she thinks painkillers are bad for you. So she carries on being in pain and incapacitated 😕

For me, I’ve been just about coping for a long time. Treading water. Trying really hard to get through the days. But always on edge, always knackered, never at peace and just getting worse and worse as the years go by because my condition has been left untreated. I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life in that state, it’s getting more and more frustrating and demoralising and I feel like I have “shrunk” and become a shadow of myself. A stranger in my own life.

My recent diagnosis has not only finally provided me with an explanation for the symptoms that have been severely impairing my life, it has also given me hope! I know meds aren’t a panacea, but I want to get to a place where I’m doing better than just ‘barely coping’. I really want “me” back.

I have to say I was absolutely buzzed by my diagnosis, it was like getting missing puzzle piece. I’m not saying I didn’t go through the grief process after for “what could have been” but I’m still
immensely please to have my “label” and happy to take my medication. Again I did have a small wobble where I thought I would go unmedicated but my psychiatrist said to research it and think about it. Quite quickly I came to the conclusion that if I need a physical aid to support me I would use one so why not have a tablet version.

But isn't ADHD something you always have? How can you get you back if it's just how you are and have always been?

@LiLittleRedYarny I hope that I'm in that place by the time my diagnosis comes through. I think I maybe just need a jot of time to process the idea...

@F0Xintherain that’s a really good question. I’ve always struggled with ADHD symptoms and it’s always created certain problems for me, but I used to also be spirited and fun-loving and brave with an “alive” feeling. But over the past ten years my symptoms have got much, much worse, and I’ve had a lot of trauma to contend with, and I think there’s been an interplay between the two (it’s difficult to separate them out) and now I’ve pretty much lost the good bits of me.

I’ve been on stimulants for a week now and so far, they are really helping to reduce the anxiety and cognitive issues, but they also seem to be making the underlying depression much more obvious to me. Anxiety was very much the overriding emotion before (it was severe), and as the meds have removed the anxiety, I’m now seeing what’s underneath. So I’m thinking I might need to find other ways to tackle the depression aspect. Early days though… I’ll have to see what happens as I continue with the titration.

Thank you for asking that question, by the way, it’s given me food for thought. I’m not finding this an easy journey but I really feel like I’m at least on the right track now and I feel a new sense of hope that I didn’t have before.

@Pegs11 Are you peri-menopausal by any chance? Hormonal changes (so puberty and menopause) can make ADHD worse. That's certainly what's happening to me as I'm in peri and my ADHD is becoming more pronounced. When I was younger, I was lively and impulsive and fun but in recent years I seem to be just permanently burnt-out and overwhelmed with life. Apparently long Covid (which I have) can also exacerbate it.

The private company who diagnosed my ADHD have just refused to medicate me (after my first titration appointment) as they say it's "too risky". No idea why so waiting for their letter explaining. I'm gutted as I'm not sure where this leaves me. Maybe back to trying to get my NHS GP to refer me for an assessment (she refused last time which is why my employer paid for me to go privately) but as we all know, that will be years away.

@HundredMilesAnHour hormones have, without a doubt, had a significant role. I had surgical menopause at 32 (due to cancer) and was put on the wrong type of HRT by Doctor Idiot, which meant I had virtually no oestrogen for several years, which caused chronic fatigue and a worsening all of my ADHD symptoms including brain fog and general cognitive/executive functioning issues. I’m now on the right HRT and not quite as fatigued as I was and no longer have the joint pain and weakness, BUT on top of all of that, I’ve had the cancer itself to deal with (it was extremely traumatic, very serious and I had to have half my internal organs removed and deal with a hell of a lot of physical pain), I’ve then had to deal with infertility as a result of the cancer (which was devastating), three rounds of IVF (which also f*cks with your hormones), a miscarriage (even more devastating), and to make matters even worse, a marriage in which my (angry) husband didn’t understand or support me and who made every day a walk on eggshells.

I think all of that would have been difficult for anyone, but my ADHD made it even harder because of the cognitive issues and inability to mentally find your way through problems that comes with having ADHD. And now I have PTSD as well as ADHD. And through it all, I’ve thought “well at least I’m not depressed”! But now I’m realising I am. I feel like the ADHD meds have stripped away the things that were effectively masking the depression. The good thing is, maybe now that I’m really “seeing” the depression, I can begin to tackle it. I couldn’t even begin before, because it took all my available energy just to get through each day with high levels of anxiety, emotional dysregulation and cognitive issues.

It could be that I need to combine the ADHD medication with something else, to help with the depression.

@Pegs11 OMG that sounds horrific. You really have had a torrid time. Well done you for getting through all of that and hanging in there.

I take fluoxetine (Prozac) for depression (triggered by long Covid). I only started 2 months ago but it helped lift my mood within 2 days (which was a real surprise but blessed relief - with minimal side effects). My psychiatrist was aware that I was about to start titration and he said it's compatible with ADHD meds. So maybe something for you to consider??

@HundredMilesAnHour I missed something out in my last message, which is that am actually already on antidepressants, have been for years. They did help me get out of very severe depression following my miscarriage, whereby I could barely talk or walk… but that isn’t enough for a good quality of life, and they have not helped with the anxiety at all - my anxiety has only got worse. So I don’t think they are the right type of antidepressants. Or maybe the dose is too low.

So yes I probably do need a combination of meds, but a different combination as the current one is insufficient. I need medication that will treat everything effectively - the ADHD, the anxiety, the PTSD and the depression. They have all been so tangled up with each other until now, I haven’t been able to see the woods for the trees.

I love that the ADHD meds seem to be reducing my anxiety and are helping me think a bit better, but like I said, it’s as though they have stripped away the layers and now I realise how depressed I am underneath. Which is not fun… but ultimately I feel like this is a good thing! It’s like finally, things are beginning to untangle in my mind; things are being laid out in a way such that I can see them more clearly. And that’s a good start.

I’m definitely a survivor… but I want to do more than just “survive”. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I’m a ghost of my former self, like I’m living a half-life. I know that there is a “me” still in there somewhere… I just have to locate her. Tackling the ADHD symptoms has definitely been the right place to start. (If only I’d known sooner.)

By the way, I have also tried therapy for the anxiety and PTSD. I was assessed by the NHS mental health service VitaMinds, who decided my case was “too complex” and they weren’t qualified to deal with me. I’ve since paid for numerous different kinds of private therapy - everything from basic counselling, through EMDR and right up to me paying for one of the most highly qualified trauma therapists in the country, which has cost me thousands. All to no avail. So clearly therapy alone isn’t effective either!

@Pegs11 You are most definitely a survivor. But I think ideally we all want to do more than survive and that's where it gets complicated. It sounds like a meds review for you will be a good idea. Your case sounds very complex indeed and I really hope you find someone (or multiple someones) who can help you. I've also been told my health issues are "complex" which in my case seems to mean that I spend a lot of time having to educate myself as there's no-one with oversight of my situation as all the various doctors I'm dealing with work in their own little silos. It's exhausting. My ADHD is definitely worse at present and I find it incredibly frustrating that they won't let me try medication but won't give me an explanation other than "too risky". I'm not sure what the way forward is yet but somehow I have to get myself to be capable of getting back to work in a week or two as I need the income. I know I'm not really well enough to work yet so I need to fake it. No mean feat. 🙄

@HundredMilesAnHour have you asked your doc about propanalol? It’s so helpful in getting you through situations that make you anxious. I’ve found it’s no trouble to get prescribed as it’s very safe (unless you have asthma). You just use it when you need it. Might be good for your first couple of days back at work.

Thanks @Pegs11. My anxiety is manageable. My biggest challenge with work is chronic fatigue and memory issues (thanks to long Covid). I work in a high pressure job in the City and although they will let me start back part time, at some point I will need to actually do my job. And that will be a problem at present. The ADHD makes the cognitive issues worse, and that means my ADHD burnout increases, which when added to chronic fatigue makes a really bad combination. But I live alone and the bills need paying - and I need to keep this job - so I have no choice but to try and make this happen. 😐

@HundredMilesAnHour Ah yes I remember you saying that now (sorry).

Have you tried any supplements? I think most of them are nonsense but there is an increasing amount of decent research on their effect of mushrooms on cognition and fatigue. Some varieties are said to be particularly good for cognitive function. Lion’s mane I think. Might be worth a shot. I just received a free sample of Gold Dust mushroom “coffee”, am interested to see if it helps.

I’ve just been diagnosed with combined type at 45 ffs.

ADHD has only been on my radar for about a month and I was diagnosed privately just over two weeks ago. So as you can imagine, I’m struggling to get my head around the diagnosis. It is a relief and it explains everything about me but I’m now realising that I am actually disabled and I can’t fix myself and that its always gonna be hard work.

DH is going through a diagnosis currently and we are expecting it to be an inattentive diagnosis. Though I read that the leading expert in ADHD doesn’t actually believe there are 3 different types.

Welcome to the club, we did start to make badges but then got massively distracted and saw some great ideas on Pinterest so started decorating a club house before losing interest… neither are finished….

I get was you mean about certain realisations and connotations of words, I really still struggle with the term neurodevelopmental condition 18 months on from my diagnosis. I just really hate it because I don’t want the misinformed to think I am backwards and thick when I know and feel the opposite (most days). I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with the term in relation to ADHD.

I went with MyPace too. I am doing titration with them too.

£360 for my diagnosis worth every penny vindication alone and now I also have a piece of paper to protect me in my job if needed. I have had to walk away or got asked to leave jobs due to symptoms of ADHD (I do have a job which is manageable with less responsibility now). I realise that it’s not a small amount of money, but to offer protection in a job i felt it was a justifiable amount to spend. Real Psychiatrist too!