Anyone here got adult ADHD?

[Pegs11]

At age 43 I have just been diagnosed with ADHD (combined type), which I’ve had since a child but it has gone undiagnosed and untreated until now, because I always masked and internalised it.

I never even really knew what ADHD was, I thought it was just being hyperactive and impulsive. Now I know there is so much more to it… and it explains everything about how I experience life and the world around me.

I haven’t started the meds yet (hopefully next week) but I am keen to see how they might help. I particularly struggle with emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I’ve heard that the meds can help with this sometimes, but not always.

This feels like such a huge revelation… I never was able to understand, or explain to people, why I have always felt like my brain worked differently compared to others. For example, why things that seemed so easy to other people felt overwhelming to me. It is all beginning to make sense now.

I am starting to realise how fundamentally this condition has impacted on my life up until now and I’m pretty horrified.

I could really do with connecting with other people, especially women, who have experienced this… If any of you are out there and are willing to share your experiences and maybe answer some questions for me (I have so many!) please reply!

Hello 👋 I've been diagnosed about 7 years but only started medication recently.

I had no idea that what I was struggling with was ADHD. I thought ADHD was about hyperactivity and having no attention span, neither are problems that I have.

I have massive issues with organisation and prioritisation, task management, getting started on things, finishing things, sticking with things long enough for them to actually be effective, habit forming, habit maintaining, social interaction, time awareness/time management. All of this resulted in my house, my finances, my parenting, my appearance, my education post 16, my employment history all being a total and utter mess.

The medication seems to help me with prioritisation, time management, task initiation, task persistence (not forgetting what I was doing when I get distracted) and I can think ahead a bit. Without medication I rarely think ahead at all, I am only thinking about the very immediate future and/or the very obvious, "visible" things that need to be done e.g. pick DC up from childcare, attend dentist appointment, go to work. I would forget everything else/it would all be mashed into random corners and half arsed out of desperation and lack of time.

I am also realising recently that I'm not so good at emotional regulation, even though I wouldn't have pointed to any obvious or specific signs of this. But the more I learn about it (to help my middle child) I realise that I really struggle with this too and probably always have. So I will get into anxious spirals or I'll snap at people or when I was younger I used to cry really easily, I don't so much any more. I get ragey if I'm frustrated whereas I used to cry. I can be quite sensitive to criticism as well. I don't really like the label of RSD, but I understand what people are talking about when they use it and I suppose it can be quite helpful in that way.

I would highly recommend the book "You mean I'm not crazy, stupid or lazy??" for the newly diagnosed. It's friendly and digestible, it's not overwhelming, it's brilliant and it covers all the basics really well.

Once you've finished that if you want more depth, Russell Barkley and How To ADHD are both brilliant. There are lots of other resources too but those are the ones I go back to again and again.

@HundredMilesAnHour

So weird - I just had COVID for the first time having dodged it for three years.

It has immediately resulted in the worst episode of anxiety I've ever had and pretty bad depression.

I also work in financial services in a relatively big-ish job and have been off work for five weeks. The anxiety has been so bad I have barely been able to leave my bedroom (I have zero anxiety normally).

I'd never heard of a link between COVID and mental health before but found medical journal articles that it can indeed cause anxiety and depression either immediately or as part of long covid

@HundredMilesAnHour You probably already know this but there are research papers showing that COVID can have direct impact on the same areas of the brain that are impacted by ADHD and it actually shows up on MRI/Pet scans.

A double whammy for all of us who already have issues in those areas but it's why long COVID has cognitive impacts like 'brain fog' and memory issues

I was diagnosed earlier this year and am 41.

I'm on Elvanse (brand name, can't remember the actual name lisdexmeth-something?)

I also can't remember my dose 🤪

I'm pretty reliant on my DH to take my tablets every day as I can't remember to take them otherwise which would be annoying with the ADHD meds but I'm also on a high dose of Venlafaxine for depression (complex PTSD).

Venlafaxine is a nightmare if you miss even one dose.

I lucked out with a DH that brings me breakfast (and tablets) in bed every morning!

@wheresmymojo yes unfortunately Covid, and particularly long Covid is incredibly complex. It's negatively impacted me in so many ways and I feel like I've aged 20+ years overnight. I paid privately to have autonomic function testing done (which confirmed, amongst many things, that Covid has damaged my autonomic nervous system) and the scientist who did the testing and analysis was actually the scientist who first discovered that delta presented as a cold (and he was ignored by the government for months) who was a fascinating man to talk to. I've learnt a huge amount but it is very clear that even the scientists/specialists are still learning.

Diagnosed at 40

Hi! You sound so like me. I'm 31 and like you mentioned I also feel "different" on how people deal with things and I just get over stimulated. Time blindness etc.
I am waiting for my appointment after my referral but I was warned it's a long road ahead. How long did u have to wait for your appointment after your first referral?

Those who have been diagnosed, can I ask how you went about it?

I asked my GP but he said there was no chance of get a referral as an adult and is have to go private 😞

My GP wouldn't refer me as she said "there's no point as they'll only give you amphetamines and we don't really advise that". 🙄 So I went privately (my employer paid) which took about 7 months from referral to receiving my diagnosis.

Diagnosed as autistic and ADHD at 42. I went privately as I couldn’t stand the idea of waiting years for a diagnosis. I think the waiting time really depends on location and it’s a bit of a postcode lottery. If I hadn’t read up on ADHD first there’s just no way I would have been diagnosed - I’m very much inattentive type and have some PTSD symptoms so therapists would often just say it was all trauma. I also thought being bored all the time and distracted by everything was normal.

@3ofus3 I went straight to private, didn’t even try going NHS. They are under-funded and under-resourced and in my case, with a very complex health history, have failed to deliver appropriate and timely care on so many occasions and I don’t expect much from them now. I was told wait time on the NHS would be up to five years! So I used my savings, went private, and I was seen by a consultant psychiatrist at The Priory. Expensive, but I got an appointment within a month.

Wow that's fast! I've been waiting 5 months already I guess I will be waiting much longer. But I can't wait any longer I feel like I'm going insane. Maybe going private is the best option then. Are we talking thousands £?😩

@nodogz it sounds like things have improved for you. This is promising!

I know exactly what you mean re: the feeling that you could have really done something amazing if you’d been helped earlier. I had so many hopes and dreams when I was in my 20s and even into my 30s… I was so full of ambition and promise, and I had this fire in me that kept me going, and I would fail time and time again but I’d always get back up and try again… but over time, that fire has fizzled to embers … I no longer have grand schemes or lofty ambitions. I’m way less passionate now. I have lost my self-belief. I’m not even as creative anymore. Just knackered all the time and treading water, trying to stay afloat.

I used to do loads of fun stuff. These days all I really do is look after my pets and my plants, and they have become my life. Most days I don’t leave the house or even get dressed properly.

The mental place I’m focused on trying to get to is a slightly sunnier disposition, a clearer mind and an ability to cope a bit better with everyday life and with interacting with people. Maybe, if I can achieve those things, the fire might ignite again……. That would be nice. I’d like to go to a festival again! Or go travelling! Or join a band! Or take up a fun hobby I can actually commit to! 😅

@nodogz £1500 for the initial assessment (at The Priory). Next is my appointment to discuss treatment, which is about £200, and after that there will be a few follow-ups at around £150 each. So I’m looking at around £2.5k in total.

There are places that will do it “cheaper” but you will get someone who is not as well qualified (they will be psychologists, not clinical psychiatrists), they won’t be qualified to prescribe meds, and you’ll end up having to spend more in order to get the actual treatment and follow-ups.

I know someone who got diagnosed with ADHD on the NHS, and they got seen within a couple of months but ONLY because they were pretty much suicidal and not coping at all. This was five or six months ago and they are still waiting for an appointment to discuss treatment options 😔.

@hopefulsandwich I have PTSD too, possibly complex PTSD. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life, things that happened to me a child and as an adult, but I honestly think my ADHD has made me feel the adult trauma more deeply?!?! For example, I had a miscarriage five years ago - it was my only chance at having a baby (IVF) - and I’m still not over it, I still feel kind of in shock, I cry about it all the time, I can’t watch programmes about people having babies, I can’t hang out with my friends who have kids… I have had lots of therapy but it hasn’t helped at all. I think something in the ADHD brain just makes it more difficult to process feelings like loss, violation, rejection etc. Especially when there is “stacked trauma” as in my case. It just gets worse and worse, I don’t get more resilient, I get less resilient with each fresh trauma that occurs. I even feel like maybe I MAKE things into traumas that don’t need to be. Like I CREATE drama and chaos and disaster. Not because I enjoy it! Just because I feel everything so keenly and it feels so HUGE and I get so completely overwhelmed emotionally.

Apparently people with ADHD can be “emotionally immature”. This is definitely the case with me!! I can’t get my emotions under control at all, I am completely at their mercy all of the time. It’s extremely frustrating and it impacts every area of my life, because I don’t trust myself to be able to keep my emotions under control and there are many, many triggers (and anticipated triggers) every day. When I go out, it’s like walking through a minefield every time. So I go out much less now, I am much more insular and less sociable, and I rarely try new things. It sucks.

Can relate to sooooo much on here. Also trouble with keeping track of information, seem to have so many lists and lists of lists! It's so true that people can sometimes be judgy when they themselves haven't experienced something firsthand. Had to laugh about the Brita filter. That has been on my "list" forever!!!

Things that have helped so far:

Trying to simplify the home environment, only having things out that really need to be out, not including decorations, pictures, etc. Nice clean counters and a clear desk.

Trying to keep to a schedule with blocks of time for various things, like routines.

About the lost time, yes, I have thought the same thing, but try not to brood too much over that. It is what it is. Hopefully, we have all gained some wisdom.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a struggle and there are good and bad days.

Also, have found that L-tyrosine before a "boring" task really helps, but please check with your doctor first.

Oh my god OP I think we might be the same person. I haven't been diagnosed with anything but maaaaaaan I can relate to your life, so similar to mine.

I've been in the same job for 13 years mostly because i cannot deal with the stress of changing. I've been trying to learn to drive ( at 43) and it's been a nightmare so far. Been learning theory for a year with little progress ( friend passed after one month learning) and I cried like a a baby in my 3rd lesson because I found moving the car so terrifying.

Everything in my life is an extreme and its exhausting, I just want to feel normal but all of the time I feel completely alien when I compare myself to others.

@AnotherDayOfSun that’s two replies on here now that share my inability to change my Brita water filter!

Other daft things:

• I have like a million screenshots on my phone of things I see online that I want to remember later.
• I have about 30 tabs open at any one time because I’m scared to close them in case I forget what I was looking at/doing online.
• I set multiple reminders of things like appointments… and then don’t acknowledge the reminders.
• I forget what it is I’ve gone upstairs to fetch at least 50% of the time.
• I spend all day being completely knackered then at 10pm I’m like ZING!! And I lie in bed wondering if ants have ears and whatever happened to so-and-so and what really happens if you put tin foil in a microwave and I start looking all these stoopid facts up on my phone when I should be trying to sleep.
• Every evening, I pick at my scalp until my fingers ache. Then I start pulling my toenails off instead. (TMI?!)

And that’s just a few examples…

@AuDHD4Me thank you for your reply and kind offer of chats! I’d love that! I feel like I need friends and allies right now, because other people in my life (namely, close family) just don’t recognise my symptoms and they minimise them or dismiss them. My mum’s recollection of me as a kid is that I was pretty much normal, well-behaved etc, but my childhood friends and their parents (who I was close to and spent a lot of time at their houses) remember me very differently - they say I was naughty, difficult, hyper, impulsive, risk-taking, always troubled and on-edge. I clearly masked a lot from my family. I have an older brother who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and he was overtly hyper and caused my folks a lot of trouble, so I actively did my best to act normal as I didn’t want to give my parents any more grief. So I suppressed all my impulses when at home and went under the radar. Regretting it now, mainly because I could use their support as I get to grips with my diagnosis, but they just don’t “see” me. My mum is emotionally cold and says things like I have just talked myself into having mental health issues, and “other people just get on with it”. When you have RSD, such comments can cut real deep.

@Pegs11 check your messages!

Do you really think those are the things that the OP went into diagnosis for? This is a support thread for discussing experiences, not one of the million "ADHD is just made up excuse for lazy people blah blah" that you get every day on AIBU.

I've been recently diagnosed at 52 and have been on meds for a month.

Like you, I had no idea about ADHD until my therapist, care coordinator and support worker all asked individually if I'd ever been assessed as, to them, it was obvious I had it.

I was assessed, I do have it it and now my life makes sense!

As my username suggests: I, too, was diagnosed at 43. Revelatory. Loving my Vyvanse!