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Original poster

My life is over.

42 replies

JeanSheila · 27/08/2023 00:17

My dear Mum has died this week. I feel so alone. I have not a single friend. My partner is 14 years older than me and is currently ill. My only child is 18 and about to leave home.

I can see my future and it's one of loneliness and sadness. I want to join my mum. I can't bear the thought of it all.

OP posts:
TheSkull · 27/08/2023 11:58

So sorry to hear if your loss OP. I can identify with your pain. My mum died 22 years ago. She was the rock on which our family was built and to which we all clung. I remember the utter bewilderment that she was no longer here and 7 months after her death, on my son’s 13th birthday I thought “well if she doesn’t come back today for him (who she adored), she never will” and of course she didn’t, nor for Christmas or any of the other events and milestones we have all had since. It’s a very hard knock to take but it does get better I promise you. Xx

Original poster
JeanSheila · 27/08/2023 18:04

I'm sat here on the sofa unable to move. The pain of grief is overwhelming.

OP posts:
Whatintheworldgirl · 27/08/2023 19:33

JeanSheila · 27/08/2023 00:17

My dear Mum has died this week. I feel so alone. I have not a single friend. My partner is 14 years older than me and is currently ill. My only child is 18 and about to leave home.

I can see my future and it's one of loneliness and sadness. I want to join my mum. I can't bear the thought of it all.

I honestly cannot begin to understand how you are feeling. It must be such a painful time and you are so incredibly brave and strong for being so honest and so self aware as to show your true emotions on this site.

Your mum wouldn't want you to join her just yet. She wants to see you flourish. It must be so incredibly hard having a partner who's ill and your baby leaving home but that doesn't mean you need to make any more sacrifices. You deserve to be happy too (as much as you can after such a painful loss). Perhaps go on a 'eat, pray, love' holiday. Start hobbies with like minded people. The best of friends can be made later on in life. I promise you have so much more time and memories to come.

I'm sending huge hugs and huge love! You've got this! You will get through it!

aspirationalflamingo · 27/08/2023 19:36

Are you still on the sofa? 💐

Pain often comes in waves, if you can be kind to yourself whilst riding out the worst of them.

aspirationalflamingo · 28/08/2023 10:39

I hope you managed to get some rest last night, op.

Original poster
JeanSheila · 28/08/2023 17:08

aspirationalflamingo · 27/08/2023 19:36

Are you still on the sofa? 💐

Pain often comes in waves, if you can be kind to yourself whilst riding out the worst of them.

Well I did manage a dog walk but I'm back on the sofa. I just want to pick up the phone and ask her if she's ok. The last few weeks she kept thanking me for everything I'd done for her💔 It's as if she sensed something.

OP posts:
Moonbelly · 28/08/2023 17:14

Sit on the sofa and give yourself time. I think it took two weeks for widowhood to start doing things again. I looked after my kids and then just stared into spac when they were in school. But you can flourish and the pain becomes less all consuming.

WoolyMammoth55 · 28/08/2023 17:17

Hi OP, sending love and solidarity. So sorry for your loss.

My own darling mum died when I was 22, she was 48. She never got to meet my kids, and it still brings me to tears when I think of how much she'd have loved them and how much they'd have loved her.

Grief is awful and I also felt, at times, that I couldn't bear to live without her.

But when it came to it I didn't want my siblings to go through another loss. I stayed alive for them, mostly and I'm so glad, now, that I did. I also knew that my mum wanted my life to go on - she wanted me to thrive and live. I'm sure that your mum would have wanted you to carry on without her, for your boy, as well.

Your son will always need his mum, just like you need yours. And I hope that you'll dote on your own grandkids someday, like your mum did, and tell them all about their lovely great-granny...

Sending all love to you. It's so awful but I promise that it does get better.

Vallmo47 · 28/08/2023 17:17

I’m sorry Op. I lost my mum over 15 years ago and not a day goes by where I don’t think about her and wish things could have been different. Like for you, my mum was the glue in my family, she was the one we all turned to and relied on. I can still remember very clearly the sharp pain in my chest the day we lost her, that stayed with me for a very long time. But one day it did change, one day I did wake up and think … ENOUGH. This is NOT how she’d want me to spend my life. She knows I love her, she knows I miss her. I need to live for the moments I have left until we are one day reunited.
One day you will feel the same.

Missingmyusername · 28/08/2023 17:25

I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s very painful, daunting and completely overwhelming to think about the future right now. You’re grieving the loss of your mum, you have to let yourself grieve, as devastated as you are. One day at a time. 💐Your lovely mum wouldn’t want you to follow her OP.

aspirationalflamingo · 28/08/2023 20:23

JeanSheila · 28/08/2023 17:08

Well I did manage a dog walk but I'm back on the sofa. I just want to pick up the phone and ask her if she's ok. The last few weeks she kept thanking me for everything I'd done for her💔 It's as if she sensed something.

Show quote history

That's okay. Shutting down a bit can be protective when we're in a lot of pain.

I really feel for you. I remember that wrench of desperately wanting to talk to my mum again. I know it probably won't sound possible now, but it gets more manageable to bear and to find ways to carry her with you.

One of the things that helped me over time was understanding that we still have a relationship with someone after they die - it's different of course, but you can still revisit conversations or what advice she might have given you. And she has influenced the person you are today, so you will always carry her with you in that way.

Right now it's just about getting through each moment, one moment at a time. If that means sitting on the sofa, that's okay.

Original poster
JeanSheila · 01/09/2023 15:38

Struggling today. I just can't see the future. I'm getting waves of severe panic. I've got a talking therapy appointment next week. I've got some packets of Sertraline from a few months ago . Not taken any yet. Mum💔

OP posts:
aspirationalflamingo · 01/09/2023 19:01

Breathe through those waves. I know it sounds crap and inadequate but slow deep breathing can help you ride out each wave. Eventually they will slow down.

It's good you have an appointment for next week. Have you spoken to your GP?

You can always phone Samaritans any time you need to talk to someone. If you have more waves of panic maybe you could call them so you have someone "with" you in that moment?

MeerkatsRule · 06/09/2023 14:06

I hope you are doing ok @JeanSheila .
One day at a time it will get easier 💐

Original poster
JeanSheila · 06/09/2023 16:12

MeerkatsRule · 06/09/2023 14:06

I hope you are doing ok @JeanSheila .
One day at a time it will get easier 💐

Thank you for asking. Struggling with depression, fear and panic. The funeral is next Wednesday. I'm not sure I'll get through it. I just want my mum💔

OP posts:
aspirationalflamingo · 06/09/2023 19:35

Sending you kindness op 💐

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