Recovering from breakdown

[EmmaEmerald]

Does anyone have any experience of this?
I thought I'd had a nervous breakdown in my 20s but carried on working. This time I'm knocked out. I got up at 8 and need a nap already!

Sending a hug. I am going through this now too...

I am literally in bed staring at the screen and trying to get my head right. Just exhausted.

I had a series of trauma over the past years (several health issues, sexual assault, having to go no contact with relatives, losing my best friend, unhappy at work...). It never seems to end.

I moved to a new, small town for a new start & a more peaceful life but now I found the house I just bought needs a lot more work than I expected and I have no idea how to finance that.

(Trigger warning)

Yesterday I had really dark thoughts and wondered whether I should carry on if life is just going to be one disaster after another for me.

So today I am just in bed reading and trying to take care of myself after a sleepless night.

So I don't really have any answer for you, but I just wanted to say you are not alone in feeling like this and give yourself time to get better. Sometimes our bodies and mind just need to rest and we have to allow ourselves the time to heal.

Hey you
So to catch up, totally lost the plot over the weekend. Became suicidal. Crisis team involved. Started off with panic and anxiety and ended up completely losing it. Been taken off citalopram (being classed as a ‘violent reaction’ ) and now I’m on Diazepam, Propranlol, Sertraline, Zopiclone. I’ve had a few days from absolute hell. The darkest point of my life for sure.
I am so worried about all these meds, terrorised it will happen again, the guilt, Jesus; the guilt is awful, knowing the impact this is all having on DH and kids (3). But trying to be gentle… easier said than done.

Hi Green and Tree

just to say I’be got my sister with me again till tomorrow afternoon probably - she will have to battle the train strike en route home bless her.

so I won’t be around as much but a reminder of the Samaritans number

116 123

and also big hugs to everyone. There’s ups and downs and those of us in an up phase are joining hands in spirit to pick up those feeling low.

I will post later tonight, love to all

@TreeHuggerMum1 That all sounds very frightening for you and your family. Trust the docs & your crisis team and make sure you're being gentle with yourself.

Sending peaceful thoughts to everyone who is having particularly difficult days

How’s everyone feeling? Sis has gone to bed but I’m unlikely to nod off for at least an hour. With some diazepam! We’ve had a little wander and a meal out locally. That’s definitely progress for me. I had to put a full face of make up on to cover the tiredness but I managed to enjoy being out, which is a big step.

Good to hear you are feeling a bit better and went out.

I also feel that my day in bed doing next to nothing helped and I can definitely function better today.

Hope everyone is taking it easy and giving themselves time to get better.

Hey. Hope everyone is ok. Had a better couple of days. Still feeling anxiety and still getting irrational/intrusive thoughts quite a bit. Anyone else get the intrusive thinking? How do you cope with it? I seem to get sucked into the ruminating to easily. Xx

Confession
I have actually slapped myself in the face to stop doing that!

rubber band on wrist is a better option but I hate the feel of it

I have ended up with Richard Grannon hand mnemonic- the first point being “I am not my emotional flashbacks”. Sorry rushing so can’t link but will be easy to find on google. I should have kept that up a few times a day. I did it before mum’s stroke but my brain fell out when that happened!

After my better couple of days, today hasn't been quite as good. I think maybe because I've been on my own all day at home today doing housework, to much time to think. Ive tried having music on and to be fair I've done 4 loads of washing, vacuumed and bathed the dog so at least I've got stuff done but my anxiety levels definitely higher and intrusive thoughts quite a bit today. How's everyone else's day?

Maybe it's because there wasn't anything fun in the day? I appreciate it feels great to make those inroads of progress though.

My sis was here till about 3, we had a walk and stuff. I went to sleep for about an hour after she left. It's another day of being seriously concerned about my weight. I have very little junk food in the house and must keep it that way. I walk slowly now due to a combo of being ill and my weight. There's been a definite change since I moved in April. I was darting around energetically but perhaps age and the breakdown have caught up with me.

Annoyingly, sometimes life involves relearning things you already know. I must remind myself every day about my people limits as well. Not objecting to sister staying here but when I'm better, I must be sure to schedule a quiet day after having a visitor.

We didn't really talk about mum except for half an hour or so. I don't think my resentment will fade for a long time, though I appreciate I am responsible for being too involved in her life.

I'm having issues with eczema again, hopefully starting new meds will help with that.

I am dithering about therapy again but the two times I've had it, it's been useless and expensive. Maybe I'll find a therapy workbook or something, if anyone has any recs, please let me know.

@Ilovedogs1 I listened to this podcast this evening and found some interesting/useful things in it - Bitesize: "How to be your own therapist" with Dr Julie Smith part of a Feel Better live more, Dr Chatterjee, series. She talks a bit about our thoughts, mindfulness and journaling.

I'm going to renew my attempt at journaling. I've tried a few time but find it hard to put thoughts on paper. After listening to that podcast I'm going to give it another go.

@EmmaEmerald I am currently having Compassion Focused Therapy which is turning out to be quite useful. I've learned for a start off that I have a lot of unexpressed anger, mostly directed at myself and that is one of the "roots"of my depression. I found this: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Compassion which is broadly similar to the stuff I do in the sessions I have. I do find it useful though to have real life professional support rather than working through stuff on my own.

MissMarplesNiece thanks, I will check those out.

I also think I might be experiencing a diazepam low today, probably need to drop that.

TheBuggerLugs I'm starting today! Yikes.
Had a solid seven hours sleep with no pills last night.

I think you might be asking ilovedogs about the nice things?

My time is my own atm, not working and not caring for mum. I don't know how long I can not work as the sale of my previous flat looks set to fall through.

I hope everyone is okay. I'm staying home today in case of side effects so should be around if anyone needs to chat.

@MissMarplesNiece thank you for your suggestions. I really like Dr Chatterjee. X

'Worry time' can be quite good for ruminating.
Set half an hour say at 7pm. Then if you start ruminating - write it down and say that you will give it some proper thought later. Then distract yourself.
When 7pm comes think of the subject for the full half hour.

@TheBuggerlugs my husband said that on Friday. He said i need to do things for my wellbeing not just housework .
Feeling quite anxious already today and not sleeping particularly well atm. X

Sorry to hear that
what do you like to do? What's your situation, how much time can you allocate for yourself?

I stayed in yesterday due to new meds, bit of a headache but that was it.

Today I will be much the same...but I was really productive yesterday, which I'm so pleased about. I took two co enzyme Q10 pills and ate no junk food - well, depending on MN definition of junk - as I'm determined this weight has got to stop dragging me down, literally.

I also did a workout again and enjoyed it.

I didn't sleep well at all but I really think the co-e q10 is linked, though
I also had slight restless legs - have had that before starting new meds.

but getting productive and organised and doing some forward planning was very much needed.

It's five months since I had my breakdown/relapse and since I increased my AD back up to therapeutic dose (had been on very low dose for number of years.)
Have discussed switching to sertraline or citalopram with psychiatrist but I get significantly worse with any change of medication and at least at the moment I'm 'functioning' most days.
Yesterday was a better day - still some shaky moments but I definitely had times where I was more myself.
Today though the anxiety and intrusive thoughts have been really tough and it's really knocked my confidence in terms of getting well.
Wishing everyone as good a week as possible.