I can’t, because I have a younger sister with learning difficulties who needs me to be her parent, if I go she’ll have no-one she’s very close to and she’d never get over it .
But I’m having suicidal thoughts every day, and I’m totally utterly desperate. I’m swinging between horrendous panic attacks and dissociation - to feeling completely flat and suicidal. There’s no in between ground .
I know if I followed through with it what I’d do, and sometimes half write letters and then stop.
Spoke to a duty worker this morning who said I’m on a 10 month waiting list for support from their team and meantime just to call duty nurse or 111 for help. She said to go and watch a nice film and have a bubble bath with a cup of hot chocolate.
I’m so, so tired and don’t know what to do. I have got support around me but any support face to face I’m ‘just a job’ to them, can’t sort of call them and ask for help.
Part of me thinks if I do a ‘cry for help’ but I’d be scared what the consequences of that choice would be .