I’ve just made a massive twat of my self at the doctors surgery

[WhatDoWeDo2023]

I’m exhausted
massive panic attack, drove myself to the doctor and collapsed in the waiting room

i think cried massive sobbing tears in the pharmacy, the poor lady cuddled me which made it worse as I’ve not showered in days
i have diazipam and I’m curled up on the sofa with my dog

god knows who saw it all, dreading leaving the house ever again in our small village.

Sorry to read of all the stress in your life @WhatDoWeDo2023 , your experience today sounds horrible. Panic is very very common and it’s often against a background of stress that a panic attack first happens and then we become vigilant for signs of panic happening again and it becomes a vicious cycle. Probably the best approach for panic is CBT and an experienced, properly trained and BABCP accredited CBT therapist would be able to help with panic and also with generalised stress and low mood. It’s really tricky to get timely help via the NHS but you could look at the BABCP’s site where they have the CBT register of accredited therapists babcp.com/CBTRegister/Search#/

I really hope you feel better soon 💐

You handled the situation perfectly.
Well done OP. Anyone in that room will just be glad you're getting the support you need. Not a single soul will judge you.

Don't listen to anyone on here telling you to avoid certain meds without speaking to your doctor. By all means get the book, but stick with the professionals too x

You, OP, are a rock star. Proud of you.

Ach! You are being too hard on yourself, this happened at the doctors!
If it happened at a job interview I'd admit that'd be embarrassing!

X

What I'm reading here is that you're in a really tough place mentally and despite feeling utterly dreadful you took yourself off to the GP to get yourself some help. You've achieved more than most people today (certainly more than I have!). Yes, it was hard, but that's precisely WHY you should feel proud of yourself.

She's said it's just for one day! Give it a rest.

OP, massive hugs, and massive congrats on going to the doctor. Don't feel embarrassed, feel proud of yourself, and look after yourself

Thank you for so many kind words. I had to go back to the pharmacy to pick up the gel so I bought the lovely lady some flowers as a thank you.

true kindness from strangers everywhere today. I’m a lot calmer, snuggled up under a blanket. DD is having an MRI this evening, her dad is with her and our other DD has made me a fish finger sandwich

You know, sometimes we feel a bit fragile, and life gets on top of us. No judgement from me.

This, however- you've had serious and prolonged stress. It's entirely appropriate to find it overwhelming. I'm quite sure you've been 'being strong' and supporting everyone else. You need to look after you as well, and this sounds like an awful set of situations you've been dealing with.

Your reaction today was perfectly understandable, reasonable, and not at all anything to feel embarrassed about.

for you and your DDs.

Thank you, thank you so much

i really shouldn’t still be awake but - migraine… I normally neck a very large glass of red before bad so I’m. Is still up!
I’ve been reading the book that was recommended

i had 2mg diazipam when I posted today
eldest DD’s not cancer tumour hasn’t moved or changed so A&E discharged her

in my DDs world as a 20 year old, fab life, fab job, amazing girlfriend- so much more

IN MY MIND - SHE DOESNT HAVE CANCER, THAT HAD SPREAD

thats my brain dump for tonight as, since starting the above and re thinking the above, don’t forget all of the above is still already in my head…and here we are.
im going to bed
all is good
ill be back - don’t rely on me though but, today was a good day
i did good
we did well

this fucking anxiety can just FUCK OFF

I only read your opening post, so sorry if you've given further details, and I'm sure you have had lots of support.and

You're safe now. I had an extremely similar situation to you in 2011, but I was at home. I fainted, wet myself, couldn't control my arms or legs to get to hospital because I thought I was dying. My mum dressed me.

I got to the hospital, had some diazepam (I was pregnant) and got 4mg. After that I was terrified to leave the house incase it happened again. I've had agoraphobia from them til now, meds, therapy, self care, but I'm always on fight or flight mode. always flight. Please don't let this stop you.

pm me of you ever want to talk

I hope you slept a bit, OP. May today be a better day.

Morning, I slept very well, listening to the app that was recommended so I’m very glad I posted and I hope it helps others who unfortunately feel the same.

yes I was embarrassed but, it stopped me doing something I know I would seriously regret and the shame of that would be much more and last a lot longer than what I put myself through yesterday.

im not great, still very tense and my bp is still high but I’m here and I’m safe

it stopped me doing something I know I would seriously regret and the shame of that would be much more and last a lot longer than what I put myself through yesterday.

Quite right, OP.
It's good to hear from you. Stay safe, look after yourself.

Thank you, I’m not going to let it win this time.

im secretly hoping the hrt makes a world of difference but i do appreciate I have to put lots of work in on myself for myself

its my 20th wedding anniversary today so I’m off for a nice lunch with my DH

Have a lovely lunch!

Have a wonderful time!

Thank you, I’m very pleased to be home and very pleased we cancelled evening dinner plans which included travelling plus worrying about what to wear and what people would think

we stayed local and had a wonderful meal, I’m in my pjs drinking tea and very, very full of nice food and we got a very rare chance to talk to each other - 3 hours actually!

@Noelfieldingsjumpers I’m so sorry and I hope you have found a safe space for you now?

I made an idiot of myself yesterday in the school office of my dd school. She is autistic and we are late every morning as she hates school. Yesterday was the worst one yet I walked in and said loudly 'please somebody help me' I feel so stupid now but was at breaking point !

I agree panic attacks are awful iv had them daily for the past at least 3 weeks

I totally understand this
DD2 is autistic, I remember a particularly difficult morning as she wouldn’t get dressed, even when I tried to help standing in the garden (she gets hot with sensory issues)

I ended up storming in to reception with a half dressed 7yr old with me sobbing.

flowers to you, it’s really hard. You can always vent in here, I know we all need it sometimes.

@WhatDoWeDo2022 thank you

You are so very welcome
autism Can never be understood by someone that hasn’t lived through it or lived supporting it - or managing it as I always felt I was doing with DD instead of parenting her as I did with our eldest.

the feeling of being judged and watched, thinking people see you as a shit parent or having a naughty child
that child simply over whelmed with maybe missed triggers
its exhausting. DD is 19 now

you are the best, you are doing your best, take care of yourself.

Hi Op you don't sound like you've made a twat of yourself. You sound like you recognised you needed help and went to the right place. Well done for seeking the help you need

@anxiety1000 that sounds truly exhausting. One was enough to take me down, what help are you getting? Are you ok this evening?

Ah you didn’t make a twat of yourself I have done this, slid down the wall sobbing in the surgery and I don’t care what anyone thought. Right there in that moment it was the safest place to be and I had thought of driving off a bridge. I also did similar in the chemist telling the pharmacist he had given me the wrong meds because they weren’t working. I had tears rolling down my face, he talked to me and calmed me down. I went in to apologise and he said oh no worries it happens all of the time.

That was decades ago, I got well but I remember how desperate I was back then. You need to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.