Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....

[onlyyooooo]

....long story short, went to therapy for a while (private) therapist helped me to deal with a lot of traumatic stuff. Realised I felt unhealthily attached to therapist as in I wanted them to be a friend (DEFINITELY not sexual on my part).

All the advice said speak to therapist about this. I terminated therapy then sent an email explaining this was why.

Therapist replied along the lines of great idea!! Let's be friends.

What?

Anyone experienced ANYTHING remotely like this?

You have said you want to withdraw from this person being your therapist. The therapist has written you still need therapy-presumably with another therapist. Therefore, if you were friends in ‘real life’ they would not be your therapist. I don’t see the problem. Why are some people quick to report? They haven’t actually done anything wrong.

Yes unfortunately many therapists act inappropriately. I’ve not experienced the scenario you describe, but other instances of unprofessionalism, breaching boundaries and acting inappropriately.

Private practice is unregulated and unfortunately there are lots of people who shouldn’t be practicing (either because they’re unsuited or they show disregard for client safety and well-being).

I always thought finding someone through the BACP was a safe bet and offered some measure of standard-setting and oversight, however have since discovered that they are pretty wishy washy and toothless in terms of upholding standards (eg their team might openly agree that a member’s behaviour is inappropriate and potentially harmful, and the likely outcome for the therapist if you go through with reporting them is having to write a reflective essay or some such).

I had a great experience with several counsellors through my organisation some years ago, but finding someone reliable independently is a bit of a Wild West.

He didn't write that I still need therapy! Where did you get that bit from?

🤢 Do they think this is going to turn into a romantic relationship?

Either way, this is totally inappropriate.

So sorry you’ve experienced this OP, it’s absolutely not right.

Also – the pretentious writing style 🙄

My mums a therapist and she would be quite rightly horrified by this.

This is why I would never have a male therapist, never in a million years.

It's wrong because it completely crosses professional/client boundaries and he is taking advantage of someone who trusts him and who themselves is vulnerable.

It is inappropriate and wrong.

Op please do report him.

I appreciate your bluntness but can you be more blunt please as you've not really explained what you mean so I can't decipher your post!

That isn't how it works. It's not like being friends with your former mechanic or something.
The relationship is unique and the client's well-being is paramount.

As a psychotherapist they should follow these guidelines:

"Be aware of the power imbalance between the practitioner and client, and avoid dual or multiple relationships1which risk confusing an existing relationship and may impact adversely on a client. If a dual or multiple relationship is unavoidable, for example in a small community, take responsibility for clarifying and managing boundaries and protecting confidentiality.
Exercise all reasonable care before entering into a personal or business relationship with former clients, taking into account the time that has elapsed since therapy ended. Should such a relationship prove to be detrimental to the former client, you may be called to answer an allegation of misusing your former position."
(From the UK council for Psychotherapy)

Oh, he most certainly has done something wrong.

Can't belive anyone is blaming you for this. I agree with a pp, he is infatuated with himself. So wrong.

It’s strange that you wanted this man as your friend, but then have changed your opinion on him so quickly , even wanting his misdemeanors to ‘go viral’.
I agree he’s totally inappropriate.
But it seems odd. He has such an odd and unusual way of communicating which must have revealed something about his character to you before? Why did you want to be his friend?

There's a difference between a feeling of longing for a father figure person (especially when what you went to therapy for is long term childhood abuse and subsequent NC with family) and cognitively KNOWING that this professional shouldn't have sent this letter.

Does that make sense to you?

Also I've never said I want his misdemeanours to go virtual I said I'm not taking the thread down because it's helpful to me.

I know two therapists and they're both totally bonkers and unprofessional - I could imagine them doing this!

Are you serious!?

I have to go to work now thanks for all responses.

A few f you need to think about the gaslighting in their posts - claiming he hasn't offered friendship, he has, it's there in black and white! He talks about how he'll have to 'tread carefully' as we become friends FFS.

Total lack of insight and understanding here. Where to even start

Is his communication equally complex and dramatic in therapy sessions? It's a very unique style and arrangement of words. I don't quite understand what he is trying to say from the snippets you've posted. It's a lot of circular waffle that says a lot but nothing at the same time. Or perhaps it's my lack of comprehension?! It reminds of the communication style of clients that had Schizophrenia or Border Line Personality Disorder. Overly sentimental and unnecessarily philosophical. Does this make sense to anyone? So the comment about your therapist needing therapy (and to be fair, it's normal and healthy for a therapist to have their own therapist) is potentially spot on.

I wish you would upload what you emailed him and then what he replied with your names redacted.

As is I feel this is on the fence. Some therapists might consider it harmful to reject a suggestion of keeping in touch sort of friendship. If he invited you out for drinks or tried to get physically intimate that's one thing but terminating the therapy and a 'let's keep in touch we can meet up for a coffee sometime' isn't necessarily sinister particularly if you were his patient for years or if this is a 'casual' or alternative type of therapy where he isn't operating under the strict and narrow frame work of a regulatory body.

Pressed enter too soon. I wanted to add that it's a good thing you weren't flattered by his acceptance of friendship and that your reaction is such. It shows that you are able to assert your boundaries despite the confusion in your feelings towards him.

Yup

I agree this situation is utterly unprofessional (and quite creepy) but in fairness to male therapists, I've been seeing one for a number of years and he has never, ever made me feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable, even by a look. However, he's also highly professional and can hold boundaries, which I think is the key difference here, rather than his sex.

This is what I meant about more tightly regulated. There doesn’t seem to be any weeding out from the start. BCAP will accept you if you tick their boxes but doesn’t assess what sort of person you are. In my experience therapists fall into 2 camps. Those that genuinely want to help people and those who like the feeling of power over people it gives them. There are then good and bad ones in each camp.

@onlyyooooo Yes, there absolutely have been posts on here that were gaslighting you, or subtly and not so subtly trying to blame or shame you and excuse him. Your grip on the situation is correct. Society just has a long way to go in prioritising the protection of women from predators over being complicit with predators by accepting abs minimising their behaviour. Posts like yours help push things along. Your freer for it than those who turn a blind eye.