Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

Runner have you considered DD1 may have autism? There is a higher incidence of AN in autistic teens.

Sweet DD could put the phone on speaker so you can both participate in the appointment. You/she could also request the same GP as a reasonable adjustment.

Viking I’m sorry life is so difficult at the moment. On one level not masking is beneficial, but on other levels brings a whole different host of different problems. I hope an acceptable arrangement can be reached so DS1&2 both feel they can coexist in the same home. I’m with you on DS’s being taller than you, DS’s are now taller than me and it does make things harder.

Have you looked at the PDA society’s resources?

I think the current situation is a big worry, especially for teen girls. The push to be affirmative is, in my opinion, harmful for vulnerable young people. I suspect a large part is actually related to ASD difficulties. For example, sensory processing disorder - many female autists, DD2 included, prefer male clothing due to the looser cut and finding them more comfortable. Or the social difficulties autism brings - many girls think because they struggle to fit in with other girls there must be something ‘wrong’ and they can’t possibly actually be female, when in reality their difficulties stem from the triad of impairment. DD2 is gender non-conforming, but luckily is also GC and finds it all a bit baffling.

Bounce, yes I have considered it, I think there's a strong possibility. Only became aware of link between anorexia and autism after youngest DD was diagnosed, it was a kind of light bulb moment, no one suggested it when oldest DD was ill but then sometimes I think am I overthinking?!

Viking I'm sorry everything is so difficult right now and you are mainly coping by yourself. I hope things calm down and sibling relationships improve. Do try and take some time out to care for yourself, you can't do it all.

Sweetkitty that's beyond frustrating, your poor Dd. MH support is dire and nothings joined up.
I really hope it comes together.
As if a young adult with poor MH has the ability to keep making phone calls and keep chasing! They need support. I agree with bounce about putting phone on speaker, also ask GP if DD can give written consent ( if she wants) to enable you to talk to professionals and chase on her behalf . Just get so angry our young people are constantly let down by a failing system.

I don’t think you are overthinking it, Runner, especially with 2 diagnosed siblings and another you also suspect.

DS1 is grumpy with the colder weather. He hates any kind of weather - heat, rain, wind, cold, lightening, thunder, snow. He needs to live in a bubble. It’s going to be a long winter!

Viking I'm so sorry things are so difficult now.know that we are always here to listen and a place to offload.i have no really helpful suggestion to make except my dogged reminders on looking after your own needs so you don't go under trying to manage the needs of others💐
Bounce D's is a bit whiney about the weather too,but adjusts over a few days.his biggest problem is heat.but current cool winds are not to his liking...

Finally managed to get hold of someone at transport yesterday afternoon.all being well I should get notifications Monday of timings etc start school Tuesday!naturally this has thrown D's into a spin.hes very afraid of the journey as his dad drove him to part time hours initially so knew route well by time he went in taxi,plus was 45 mins whereas this is over an hour away.
He's also stressed cos I'm having a landmark birthday this Saturday,the knowledge mum won't be here forever has started troubling him

Happy birthday for tomorrow Zoo.

About time transport was sorted. When DS1 was at a CAMHS unit as a day patient we sent him with a small box of Lego and loaded his iPad with things he would watch/listen to - we do similar now for the EOTAS provision outside of the home. Does DS have something small he could take with him to do and a tablet/phone he could listen/watch things on?

The future is scary. We have put practical things in place for the future and will periodically revisit and add to them as DS’s get older, but I try not to think about the future too much.

For those with PDA DC SOSSEN have a webinar next week.

bounce he has a load of songs uploaded on his phone and headphones he listens to for the journey.he also takes a note book for doodling/writing down story ideas etc,and usually has a keyring from church with a wooden cross that's very good from a sensory perspective as it's really smooth and good for pressing,stroking,turning over in his hand.

Thank you.i didnt celebrate at all last year.some mums I've known a number of years thru MN on another thread started a FB messenger group last year and we chat a lot.they club together and a surprise bouquet of flowers arrived today which made me cry as I have never been spoilt like that before

Hi everyone
Sorry I am so flaky.

I haven't caught up with thread other than to see it is zoo's birthday tomorrow

Dd is having a low few weeks. In crisis. Refused to see TYP today. Couldn't get out of bed to go to see new camhs psychiatrist. I went on my own and used the time. She was nice and we talked a lot but other than meds she seemed unsure about therapeutic options due to dd complex needs. At least she was honest. She didn't think dd will cope with emdr or cbt.
I called crisis line tonight, no help as I am on top of everything. They referred me to autistic line. Called them who suggested finding a Sen school for dd :/

Just heard tribunal going ahead on Monday. Sigh.

She wants to be left alone. I am checking her every 20 mins.
Totally exhausted

@TikTokCat I'm sorry you are caught in such an awful cycle,and frustrated for you no one can give you any definative answered or support💐

Happy Birthday Zoo - hope you have a lovely day. What a wonderful surprise to receive flowers yesterday

Managed to get her up. Have done a 1000 piece jigsaw with her and the dog ate the last 2 pieces. Just imagine the reaction :(

Happy Birthday Zoo 💝🌺Sending much love on your milestone !

@TikTokCat I’m so sorry to hear how difficult it’s been. Like Zoo says, it’s an awful cycle. Sometimes we live for those baby steps, and the fact you got DD up to participate in a puzzle with you is actually quite a step! Something to build on 🌸. You’re doing a wonderful job, and I hope you treat yourself to something today 🌸

Zoo Happy Birthday. It is lovely you received the flowers.

TikTok can the CAMHS psychiatrist do a home visit? If the psychiatrist is out of her depth due to DD’s complex needs I would jump on the opportunity to push for onwards referral to a more specialist team(s). CAMHS need to provide more and if the HCPs currently involved have exhausted their ability to help they need to refer to someone who can. Have you had a recent CETR or CPA meeting? Good luck on Monday. I hope one day DS1 will be able to engage with EMDR.

DS1 has SM, he doesn’t have ASD but does have another condition that in some ways presents similarly (although in other ways presents differently).

My dc2 has suffered with anxious thoughts, would it be ok to join this thread?
@1twirlforward2back what is you'd ds'1 condition, if you do't mind me asking. DC1 has many traits that are associated with ASD /add but not quite.

Just seen it was your birthday on Saturday Zoo.
Happy belated birthday!

So pleased youve finally got transport sorted, I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Thanks for letting me know about webinair Bounce, I will look it up.
And Lots of Luck on starting your job this week.

Tiktokcat I'm so sorry DD is in crisis right now, checking every 20 mins is very draining. Pleased you saw a glimmer yesterday but that bloomin dog!!! Sending a hug and wishing you lots of luck for the tribunal tomorrow.

Welcome @socialsarah. Of course you can join!

Tiktokcat - good luck for the tribunal today!! Keeping everything crossed for you.
DS home today, as I botched his haircut yesterday and he now won´t go in until it is fixed at the barbers. Prior to that, the fact that his "hair didn´t look good" would take up several minutes in the morning and make us late for school... I can`t win.
Just want to give up now...🙁

Mackencheese, you can't win, there's always something! Don't be hard on yourself. Get him a barbers appointment hope it helps but accept it may not solve his worries about his hair !
Hope tomorrow morning goes better

Tiktok good luck today.

Zoo I hope you had a good birthday.

Macken fingers crossed the barber can rescue DS’s hair to his satisfaction.

Thanks Runner. I had a meeting this morning, which went well.

Socialsarah DS1 has, among many diagnoses, PTSD and attachment difficulties related to a bereavement. Attachment difficulties, especially coupled with PTSD, can present similarly to ASD in many ways, but in other ways present differently, particularly to the untrained eye. The Coventry Grid is a useful starting point for looking at the similarities and differences, although there are other differences in those who avoid social interaction as DS1 does.

Just back from barber. Ds hair rescued!! 😂. School tomorrow. We hope.

It has been adjourned until end November. The judge has given the local authority and my lawyer a bollocking for taking too long to get this sorted.
They have extended the appeal to include health due to camhs being so shit.
So good all in all I guess

Tiktokcat, bit frustrating it's been adjourned but if you can get health needs in there it will be worth it and November is only next Month.
Fingers crossed!

Hope DS has gone to school today mackencheese.

I spent yesterday chasing LA re personal budget, someone was meant to get back to me Friday and didn't. Spoke to my local councillor they are also chasing on my behalf . Bills are mounting and LA aren't actually providing any provision themselves . Tired of fighting and chasing

Zoo I hope DS’s first day went as well as it could.