Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

Sending hugs to those that need it.
Didn't get confirmation Monday of Tuesday start.complsined Tuesday and had a call late yesterday taxi picking up 725 tomorrow<today>

Panic stations ..
He was ready to go with lunch etc on time.taxi us different company from last.thus driver speaks better English and very polite.drive off nicely not like a demon and everything seem ve going swimmingly.i gave him correct postcode as there's 2sotes dep on age and school warned me most LEA give wrong site for older ones.he must've misread my post code cos they got lost.frantic texts from D's.school were fab ringing taxi and issuing an urgent message to driver needed.conracted main school site to ask them keep eye out as drivers do sometimes let kids out wrong site then drive off(both in middle of no where so not safe walk between them).he got there in the end.trip took nearly 2hoirs,poor love!

Oh Zoo, not what you and DS needed, but glad it was sorted in the end and the school was helpful.

He text me a lunch.
"Did some animal care.i like that.kids are noisy and annoying,but overall it's not too hideous"
For day one I'd call that a huge win😁

Zoo not too hideous would count as high praise in this house🤣
Pleased it's going well so far. Fingers crossed for you and DS

It would be here too Runner.

Zoo lovely to hear. Seeing the positives is a good step. After a long summer off he is bound to find being in a school setting noisy and peers annoying. Hopefully with time DS can find a likeminded peer or two.

For goodness sake.he texted me taxi stuck in traffic.hes still stuck at school(school ended 330)he will now get caught in rush hour traffic and unlikely to be home before 530,which as he left at 730am is a very long day for him

That's frustrating, it's a very long day, particularly for first day back. Hope he isn't too grumpy when he gets home

@Runnerduck34 he was very hungry as got bit too stressed to eat all his lunch and missed afternoon snack as didn't get in til 545.

Zoo could DS take a small snack? Do talk to the school about DS not feeling able to eat all his lunch, they will want to help.

Sympathies zoo, My DD won't eat when stressed either, anxiety makes her self conscious when eating.
Hope travel goes more smoothly tomorrow and second day is less stressful.

bouncethey stated when we visited there are 2 designated eating areas,but if he needs a quieter space as long as a staff member is around him he can eat wherever he feels comfortable.im sure in a day or two he will either adapt to the noise or we shall ask for that.
He bought home a letter asking if he would be participating in last week of term activities(escape room/outings of all kinds) he doesn't want to and argued it's better get used to the surroundings/school routine and not every ones doing it so he's hopeful the quieter student will be around and without the louder ones he might get to know a few people.i agreed as I'm sure this is a standard end of term arrangements so there will be other outings to come!
Runner fingers x.to be fair,he said the driver was very calm when they got lost and he has a lovely soothing gentle voice too(unlike like years raving madman)

Dd2 is not in a good place.studying for assessments upcoming she's drowning frankly and her MH is very very poor.overeating,not sleeping well,crying every evening she's snapping at me around the clock,needs constant reassurance and leaves a trail of mess wherever she goes.im furious camhs haven't arranged her meds check.they have been aware over two weeks she's struggling and nothings been offered yet it's the last one prior to discharge into g.p care as she was 18 in april.they know she will need to up meds,we knew was highly likely at last appointment in July<prescribing nurse took all of August off>

I hope the journey this morning was better than yesterday, Zoo. Have you thought about bypassing CAMHS, the GP can increase DD2’s medication now?

Morning, how is everyone? Hope school runs went smoothly.
Finally had an ( kind of) answer from LA about personal budget request.
They are now forwarding paperwork to charity handling direct payments, no idea if an actual budget has been agreed ,can't get a straight answer to any question and then don't answer phones so it's emails only and they are selective how they answer. But after 2 weeks of radio silence I hope its moving in right direction at least.
DD doing OK. Restarting education even in a limited way is difficult for her and shes has a wobble but in the whole os doing well. Per week she's doing 2 hours maths, 2 hours of art and 90 mins of a sort of therapy called thrive , so a way to go but good start. Just hope DP will be LA will pay bill when it's due!!

Runner restarting education after so long out of education was always going to be difficult. Managing 5 hours is a positive step, and with time DD will be able to increase the hours.

DS1 has had a good day so far. We are thinking about what GCSEs to do, when and how - a bit early but with EOTAS there’s more logistics to sort than for those attending schools. I had to collect an unwell DS3 from school after lunch.

*runner DD has made such good progress.i an keeping everything crossed this damn budget issue us going to be resolved soon.

Bouncehope whatevers wrong with ds3 it's not serious as I know your children have multiple health issues.x

Well it's swings and roundabouts here.ds had got himself into a frenzy if why he hates school inducing massive anxiety,yet he has no solid reasons he likes all the teachers,currently works easy(whilst he finds his feet/they get a feel of what he's able to do I suspect) and the taxi driver really is so much better than last year!he hates the "noisy kids" and his having OCD problems regarding lunchtime handwashing and he was upset about having to cook yesterday(cheese scones) as made them with another child and was convinced they weren't safe to eat,yet they're one of his favourite things(granted end result was slightly questionable looking but you can hardly poison someone with a cheese scone🤣).
I keep reminding him if how much better than last school it is,and how far he's come incl coping transport and getting a fab GCSE in English it's hard working against autistic negativity....
Dd2 spiral continues.shes attended Oxford Brookes open day with dd1 on Saturday.exoected hate it thus confirm home uni was best but lived it,and their MH team are better than here.thus has thrown and confused her.shes plod on booking uni days but is drowning in coursework and has assessment next week in all subjects that revising for isn't absorbing any information and then get more upset and frustrated.shes withdrawing from everyone incl me and increasingly angry and negative.incaoabke decide even smallest decisions like what want eat/watch in TV,and refusing to see time2talk as doesn't want them to see her in such a state.im going to sound out camhs via consult line today and chase up pip as we filled in forms about 6/7 weeks ago?
Lil zoo has agreed to meet CBT from camhs re social anxiety.toilet issues remain a complete shutdown.we also have dietetics appointment on Friday as camhs think it's important check nothing else can help regards disordered eating as she's back to not eat/drink much on weekdays til evening which impacts pain/bowel issues dreadfully

Zoo it is still very early days for DS. Does he have noise cancelling headphones &/or ear defenders? Do speak to the school about cooking with others, they can’t help if they don’t know and it would be a relatively easy adjustment for DS and another pupil to cook a batch each rather than share. I hope DD’s appointments go well and you can talk DD2 into speaking to time2talk. What courses is DD2 looking at? PIP waiting times are incredibly long at the moment.


Until yesterday DS3 had been fairly stable health wise for a while now after starting a new medication that has helped massively (understatement) but he is struggling now. We had little sleep overnight as he needed extra treatments. I have left a message with his medical team.

Hi all please can I join xx

I have posted on the board under really struggling but saw this and thought I'd say hi
My DS year 8 is really struggling at the moment with his mental health he has autism and other learning difficulties. We have lots of meetings coming up. He's currently going to school for 3 hours a day only. Sending hugs to all

Welcome Mrstiggywinkle44. I hope you are looking after yourself.


If DS can’t attend school full time the LA should providing alternative provision. Does DS have an EHCP?
Have you had social care assessments?

bounce dd2 is looking at history.lack of sleep is the hardest part<dd2 slept in me and I've had a couple hours tops as she's much heavier/taller than me>.she just sat and cried over what do you want for breakfast yesterday,so I made the decision a MH day was necesst.it was beautiful here so I suggested a nice walk she came back to me an hour later ask go a reservoir a short bus ride away.we haven't funds for buses generally,but she had some money and really wanted to go so I took her.10 mins in bus we walked all way around it and returned to house 5 hours later!
DS rang me at 430 yesterday taxi hadn't turn up(hour late) I rang company and got told 4 different staff members without a logging number couldn't help me I repeated myself so often I didn't book a taxi it's a local authority one but no joy.in the end I rang Sen transport at lea and chew them up.they rang me back taxi is with him very shortly and we expect an email explaining what went wrong.i asked be incl in this "report" and to remind them of procedure as I have every right to know what's going on if they're late/don't turn up!driver must've bombed it back at 1hr 15/20 ride home he was back here in 50 minutes.he was tired and miserable but staff there did best make him laugh and upbeat waiting
Misstiggywinklewelcome.my D's totally flipped year 8 with anxiety I believe hormones definately add to the trouble!
Sending hugs all that need one today!

Hi x
He's going in part time hours at moment and yes he has EHCP, we have an urgent interim review meeting next week.
I'm very close to de registering him if things don't improve and continue.

No to social care assessment x

Mrs Whatever you do don’t deregister! That would be a huge mistake. If you EHE the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements thereby relieving them of their duties. It is often easier to get support when on a school’s roll even if not attending as you are someone’s ‘problem’.

Part time timetables should be short term, aimed at reintegration. If DS can’t attend school full time the LA must provide alternative arrangements as well/instead of. They must also provide anything specified and quantified in section F of the EHCP that DS isn’t receiving at school. Are they?

It sounds like the EHCP needs improving. Do you know what you would like amending? Are there therapies in there at the moment? Do you have another placement in mind? Is it specified and quantified or woolly and vague?

You can ask for social care assessments yourself- a carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

Zoo have you looked at the eligibility criteria locally for a disabled bus pass? One or more you/DC may be eligible. I hope you can get to the bottom of the taxi situation.

bouncetaxi sitch sorted after a word taxi driver today.i offered him the schools number in case go be late again.he also gave me his mobile and took my number so if D's is I'll or he's running late we can communicate amongst ourselves.it sems the taxi work 4 counties so try get communication thru main switchboards hit and miss!
Mrs agree with bounce.Do not deregister.they hope you will so it's no money/effort on their part but you and your child are entitled to support and it's much harder get any for a HE child

Zoo,
Hope things are a bit better with DS, a new school is a big change but its good he likes the teachers and work isnt too hard. Hopefully he will settle down. Can school provide a quiet space at break times? Pleased youve got Taxi drivers number that should at least make communication easier.
Hope turning up an hour late was a one off, sounds very stressful for everyone.
Sorry DD2 is struggling, but brilliant she likes Oxford Brookes. Year13 is always stressful at best of times. It can easily become overwhelming. Maybe just pair everything back to essentials. Your MH day sounded fab, just what was needed.
I also hope lilzoos appointments go well.
You have such a lot to cope with supporting all your DC.

Bounce I hope DS is doing OK, I'm sorry he is unwell, and just as you have returned to work too, hope things are on a more even keel soon

Welcome @mrstiggywinkle44
My DD is older (15) but really struggled with school and was on a reduced timetable. I hoped she would be able to build up to a full time table again but sadly it didnt make going to school easier- she was in mainstream secondary. She is now starting education otherwise than at school (EOTAS) . It might be that your DS "s EHCP needs reviewing and a different type of provision or school is needed.
I echo don't deregister unless you are able to commit to Home Ed. I would try and get LA to step up and offer suitable provision but it it is often a battle.

Runner luckily the majority of my hours are flexible and left to me to organise.
DS3 is still unwell and off school, but he isn’t any worse either which is a good sign. We’ve swapped his antibiotics as the ones he had started aren’t the right ones for the bug he is growing.

Just checking in, I hope your DS is feeling better now Bounce?

How is everyone?

I am still chasing LA to implement DD(4)s EHCP and our personal budget request.
I have finally emailed to threaten JR.
Not sure if this will really achieve anything but I don't have any option but to follow this through if things don't start to move. We have exhausted our savings which are paying for therapies that are now agreed in EHCP.
So financially it's a bit precarious and we urgently need LA to step up.
God knows how we'd fund a solicitor!!

DD3s ASC report came through and I think it's a very accurate reflection, she has been diagnosed .
I'm pleased that the professionals observation and DDs answers backed up my own questionaire/ interview . I was worried I wasn't answering correctly!
The college didn't highlight any difficulties, said she was an excellent student, very quiet , only spoke if spoken to ,didn't make eye contact , kept head her down but their responses to questionnaire put her in NT category which is interesting how it goes under the radar in school and college.

Hope everyone has a good week.