Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

@Runnerduck34 goodness,you are under a lot right now<quick reminder about remembering to fill your emotional cup/look after you>
Hope DD assessment results are what you expect and that things continue to move gently forward regarding DD education.slpwly slowly is far better if it's managable(D's did very part time last year initially to get him back in the swing)
He's getting increasingly angry/upset as we await transport.the book I ordered to read for eng lit has now become unavailable on Amazon so have to wait for that!he must be constant ruminating as even by his standards of listening and following instructions we are having lots wibbles and get mad he's "making mistakes"
Dd2 got a small cat tattoo yesterday at top of her arm.shes wanted one a long time,thought it through very carefully and it's high enough a short sleeve shirt should cover it if necessary.shrs not doing good at all,and am hoping that we get news on pip application soon.
She's very low and struggling hugely with anxiety to point rang camhs consult in the week.hasnt speed up next app with medic for increase of meds though..this is last app then referred to g.p.her ASD assessment has been switched to adult services already I have been told,and depending how she goes when we have the appointment will depend if she's just released into g.p care or transferred to adult services.shes contemplating attending a Mind crisis cafe drop in with me as time to talk counsellor has become unable to do the day that's best for her in school and she's reluctant to see her now as she's never seen her so unwell and her I'm fine front will be exposed as a "sham"

Thanks bounce, can't find initials SH. But will try and email SC. I've been trying MD and MW with no luck, think at least one of them has left.
Are LA responsible for transport even if we have DP?
Don't know anyone else in same position as us but will put out feelers in local groups.

Thanks Zoo tbh it always feels like there's a lot going on. Lurch from one thing to another- Wish life my was simpler as I'm sure many on this thread do!
I'm sorry things are so hard for DD. I hope camhs appointment is soon and she's supported to transition to adult services, such uncertainty can't be helping. It sounds really tough.
Sounds frustrating for DS, honestly why can't LAs get their act together with transport?? Our LA has had lots of failings in this area too, such a basic thing that they should be able to do well but frequently dont causing unnecessary stress.

Runner I will PM SH’s email as they are the new acting Director of Children’s Services. MD is no longer in post. I don’t know whether MW and SC are still in post but they aren’t the overall Director of Services, they have smaller Director rolls focusing on one service area.

The LA are responsible for transport (and escort if necessary), whether that’s by organising it directly themselves or by giving DPs (either to you or to third party charity to manage), but if you don’t want DPs for transport don’t be pushed into it. We have transport arranged for DS1 and extra HLTA hours to act as the escort. Whereas, we get mileage for DS3 - we would have to take DS2 anyway or pay for the extortionate bus, and a taxi wouldn’t cover after school clubs, so we decided mileage works best for us.

Zoo have you emailed the Director of Children’s Services re transport?

Thank you Bounce you are a star 😀

You are welcome. I don’t know if MW and SC have rolls, but they have smaller Director roles. I promise I can actually write coherently.

DS3 has said he loves a Sunday evening without the prospect of school the following morning hanging over him. He is taking time to settle back in after the summer.

It's tricky after the big break getting back in the swing bounce.is ds3 the one that fears death?how they coping queen in the news?D's isn't doing to great on that.
Runner agreed,think we all seem to lurch from one crisis to the next it can be very exhausting.

Dd2 has had tears today as most her cohort now at uni and she's alone.neither if us anticipated how hard that would be.shes very very low.another one glad tomorrow isn't a school day.she has tackled a little if a thematic essay for history today and we have had a walk at local nature reserve

It is difficult Zoo, DS3 would much prefer to stay at home. That’s not going to happen, having DS1 home full time is hard enough and DS3 needs to be in school. He enjoys the learning, just not the other aspects of school.

It’s DS1 with the anxieties around death and PTSD in part related to DD1’s death. We have tried to shield him from much of the media discussions around the Queen’s death, but difficult to avoid it all. It has increased his anxiety, there’s no way around that.

Can sixth form try to engineer interaction with selected other students to try to build a friendship?

Hope DD is ok at school today zoo.
Right now will be hard as her peers will be being dropped off at uni but hopefully it will settle.
Does she have a close friend whom she can visit at uni? They can have guests in their rooms and they might appreciate seeing a friend from home. Are there any friends who aren't going she can meet up with? Appreciate all that's very very hard to organise for an anxious teen!
Echo bounces idea, worth contacting school and see if their could orchestrate something, there could be a girl in a similar position, accept its more difficult at this age .

Hope now funeral is over things get better bounce, impossible to avoid media coverage in past 10 days or so.
Hope DS3 settles into school routine.

Wishing everyone a peaceful morning.

How has everyone’s week been? It’s not been too bad here.

DS3 had a better week at school, thankfully. Although the SENCO emailed to let me know one of his TAs (he has 2 as the 1:1 covers break and lunch as well as lessons) will be going on maternity leave later in the year. Wonderful news for her, but will be difficult for DS3 to deal with the change. SENCO is on the ball and will assign one of the schools existing TAs to cover, so DS3 at least knows of them and they know DS3 and they can do a slow transition. The school will then use the maternity cover to back fill the existing TAs workload.

Good planning about the TA there 1bounce

Zoo - hope dd is doing OK

Runner - hope you are starting to get somewhere

Our eotas package was approved by panel. Ehcp content still scheduled for tribunal. Dd in crisis this week. Waiting on new psychiatris. She needs her meds increasing and some therapy. Too much change at the moment with the new eotas and uncertainty about future

@TikTokCat glad D's is settling,and hurrah to hear a school that's organised ahead of time rather than react(badly)hope he copes well with the gentle transition.
@TikTokCat sorry crisis is happening again.good news package has been approved.
@runner

No idea why that posted...
@Runnerduck34 how's things?are you ok?

Dd2 has been in Steady decline all week.had yesterday off intending WFH as day before her final lesson was so overwhelmed nothing went it or work got done her mind was racing and body so anxious/ticking.alas,still nothing done at home as totally overwhelmed.her best friends off to uni today.another friends been chatting tho,and they're coming home to visit next weekend as their dad's birthday(same date as mine) and they're plan meet up on Sunday which will hopefully do her good.still no word from camhs re final med check in.given they were notified a week ago she's in decline I'm really annoyed we've heard nothing as they know she needs higher meds dose.
Lol zoo wibbles didn't prevent full week in school,helped by pe lessons are now mentoring and counselling sessions.ww have camhs Monday.

Today marks our first family shift at junk food project and community cafe at our local church.sadly I've had a wicked dermatitis flare this week leaving my hands a swollen weeping blistered mess(foods been wraps,bags salad and cheese/ham etc they can fix them selves)starting to improve,but it's slow..this means I will be writing(wear gloves) the orders with D's and he will be taking trays good out/bring empty plates back.lil zoo on coffee machine,and dd2 toaster.betseen them wash up too(another lady is cooking.i feel will be very good for them all,despite some reservations by them!tonight back at church with dd1 and son in law for quingo (quiz bingo) which we e not done before either.ecoecying dd2 be very peopled out after!
The start autumn means long walks and conker collecting with her.so far she's got a freezer bag full.hahs.loves the look and feel of them(somewhat unusual for 18 yr old,but on many ways not average 18yr old)
I must get up and get her up soon to have meds before breakfast.hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Hi Guys, last week I was just about to complain to children´s services when I got a call from the LA and have agreed a Personal Transport Budget for DS, hooray! I haven´t had any payments yet, but should do in a couple of weeks. Also consent order completed for tribunal, so waiting for final final version of EHCP.

DS had a wobble around the funeral weekend where he didn't go into school on the Friday or the Tuesday afterwards (5-day weekend.... eek!), and that was a knock, but he seems to have a really good/caring SENCo at the new school who had a long chat with him when he went on Friday and he seems happy again.
I still feel like things are somewhat fragile, just need a clear run next week. Plus I will get his dad to do some of the school runs, as it is exhausting!

That's such good news about transport budget mackencheese.
I know what you mean about feeling things ard fragile , hope he has a good week.

Sorry DD is still struggling zoo, maybe she will settle more once her friends go to uni, I hope she makes some friends in the new year group.
Pleased lilzoo is coping well, that's something at least- so hard for you juggling all.your DCs SEN.
Sorry your hands have flared up , sounds painful I hope they improve soon.

Tiktokcat really pleased you have got EOTAS package agreed but I'm so sorry DD is struggling so much. I hope meds get sorted soon.

Great your week has been good bounce, sounds like a plan re TA.
Have you started your new job?

Our week has been OK, DD has had a couple of lessons plus a thrive session. Generally her mood is good but we are pacing her reintroduction to learning. Hard to get the pace right. Also difficult juggling individual sessions/ tutors and work.
We are still waiting to hear from LA re budget.
Had an email with vague PB details , some hours agreed but not all and no mention of monetary budget just it's been agreed PB for 17 hours education etc.
So I'm hoping they will pay our providers bill!
Have emailed asking for clarification and haven't had a response. It's just so frustrating and time consuming and lots of uncertainty- just want it sorted!
My middle DD had the results back from her autism assessment and she has been diagnosed.
She seems cool with it which is good. I suppose I've always suspected but it's still something to have it confirmed. I don't want it to define her.
She's gone out and got another tattoo, I'm worried she's going to.end up looking like a pictureka board . Not sure she knows when to stop, she's so beautiful as she is , trying and failing to bite my tongue!!

Hope everyone has a good week.

Mac great news about the transport budget.
Runner my middle aged brains failing me,how many DC do you have?we are still awaiting ASD assessments for dd2 and lil zoo.dd2 has moved to even longer adult list now ..

Zoo- I have 4 DC, DD23 at uni, recovered from anorexia, but now doing really well , DS 22, probably autistic but doing an apprenticeship, happy and thriving.
DD18, just received Autism diagnosis , anxious but coping, offered a place at uni but deferred.
And DD15 who is the one I talk about in this thread, ASC,PDA,SM, high anxiety hasn't been in school properly since year 7 but now ( hopefully!) Has an EOTAS package- just need to get LA to pay for it!!

Mac good news about the personal transport budget.

Zoo I hope the cafe and quiz went well, and you making sure you are looking after your hands.

Tiktok congratulations on the EOTAS

Runner apologies, I previously called DD2 DD1, I didn’t realise you had 4 DC. The tattoos could be another version of masking. I start work next week!

The SENCO is worth their weight in gold. Supportive, proactive, communicative. Previously I have told them they aren’t allowed to leave until DS2&3 have left .

runner apologies,and thank you for the reminders!
Bounce 😁also masking with tattoos...how?(now DD has one,she wants another but cannot at this point afford it....

Zoo tattoos (similarly hair, clothes, make up…) can all help someone camouflage into whatever persona they are trying to mask as.

How can you tell though?dd2 used to be into make up then about 18months ago changed to dying her hair,wearing more gothic jewellery and dressing more masculine.i assumed was just part of "finding. Herself"?

No need to apologise bounce and zoo I really don't expect you to know how many DC I have- I mainly talk about youngest on this thread

Bounce- Interesting what you say about tattoos, hair and make up being a mask , I've often thought that is the case for DD18, she has pink hair and a distinctive style- as well as the tattoos. Love the hair and her style just a bit worried tattoos are out of control.
She works part time and was going to encourage her to increase her hours now she's having a gap year but I think i might prefer her poor so she can't get more tattoos !

Runner I did laugh at preferring DD poor. If it’s not already too late you could suggest future tattoos are able to be covered up in order not to limit potential future career options.

Zoo I think it is difficult to tell whether someone, most typically a teen girl, is being themselves (I hate the phrase ‘authentic self’, but if ever that phrase fits it is here), they are masking or it has become an obsessional special interest. Regardless of which it is there is probably little you can do to influence the appearance of late teens beyond limiting what money you give them.

With the issues surrounding autism and gender ideology one thing with your DD2 I would be paying close attention to is her presenting as masculine. Fine to be gender non-conforming, but I wouldn’t want it tipping over into something else and would be paying particular attention to what she is accessing online. <outs self as GC>

Hi all I’m just catching up with you all
so update on us DD18 no support just now about from weekly phone calls from a peer supporter. Peer supporter suggested she needs more and said to phone GP, GP said there is nothing on record from CAHMs since February 😱 so now DD1 has to phone up CAHMs and chase them and DH is pushing her to get a doctors note so he can get money back for plane tickets for her 18th birthday trip that she can’t go on. I really feel for her. Lack of communication between CAHMs and the GP and of course she cannot see a GP in person so it’s always a different one on the phone and she has to explain everything to them. At least if she had a face to face appointment I could go with her for support. She’s only turned 18 with severe anxiety and depression and now they are saying she needs to see a physiologist but she can’t see one until CAHMs writes a referral. It’s all a mess. Meanwhile she suffers and gets worse.

Transition to adult services is ment to becompletedby 18tgbirthday(alledgedly) although DD is awaiting final ap withmedic andwas 18 inapril😤

*Runner you’ve certainly been through so much. I’ve been thinking my DC both have PDA as well as ASC, or perhaps I need to understand it better.

*Bounce I agree, my niece with suspected ASC is presenting as masculine - she’s in her mid 20s. Naturally it could be unrelated but the stats are concerning in the neurodiverse community. Hope DS has improved since the Queen’s funeral. I went through the same with DS2.

*Zoo how has DD2 been the last couple of days? Fingers crossed for a stable week.

We are in crisis here. Difficult to get into details without risking outing myself. DS2 very angry at a couple of teachers - he does not mask anything. DS1 and DS2 don’t want to be under the same roof. We own a fairly large home and my suggestions at reconfiguring space falls on deaf ears. DS1 struggles to care about anyone’s needs but his own and frankly, I feel so done. DH has job with long hours and it’s basically up to me to handle two teen DS who are taller than me.