Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

....oh, and dh leaves for a work trip tomorrow

@PokeyLaFarge just wanted to hold your hand.

@PokeyLaFarge
That must be so worrying and heartbreaking.
Hope the doctor is able to get through to him.
We are here if you need to offload.
Xx

Thank you both

As I expected Dr didn't do much, really

Camhs (ha!) Referral but it just be links to services I think

Got the number of the 24 hour mh crisis line

They are talking to us, friends, school staff...which I'm thankful for.

Major identity crisis I think.

I so appreciate your kindness x

@PokeyLaFarge I am glad dc is able to talk about things with you and others, this is positive. Hopefully, you can both get some rest tonight.

Just wanted to update that after a long talk last night they seem much more clear on what causes the anxiety.

I feel utterly wrung out

I think it's the swings that are getting to me...

One day, they are saying they feel "numb," and then the next, they are happy and chatty

They don't appear to be "in crisis," as I understand it? (Sadly, have experience of people being in crisis... not getting out of bed, not eating, etc...)

I'm wondering if they are seeing things online that are - for want of a better word - encouraging them to think like this?

They mostly read on Kindle app, message friends, etc

I had plans this weekend, but I've cancelled so they won't be alone.

I've put all meds in a lock box

No idea what else to do :(

@PokeyLaFarge
You are not alone in thinking this way.
I have mentioned previously on this thread that sometimes I think my DD is taking us for a mug with this mental health thing so we back off and have very low boundaries etc
It's very hard to constantly swing between the ups and downs of their mood.
Like you, I have seen DD be perfectly normal and chatty and half an hour later come from her room looking very sad and crying inconsolable saying she is sad.
During such times, I always suspected she had seen something or chatted online which has caused her to spiral.

Unfortunately, they do seem to do this often, and it's very hard for parents to adjust.
The CAMHS therapist said to me that it is not unusual and DD isn't taking us for a mug and that she is seriously depressed.
Yesterday, she returned from school within an hour of going in (started antidepressants recently and is struggling with side effects)
However, the rest of the afternoon she was happy on Netflix and even did some baking. I often think depressed means properly depressed like cannot eat, get out of bed nothing.
But not the case with everyone I think.

I think the only thing we can do is validate how they feel, ask if there is anything we can do to help and offer our support.
I hope you find some support for yourself as you go through this.
Take care and hugs...
Xx

@PokeyLaFarge
You are doing every you can.
My DD also has days when it is absolutely awful followed by lighter days then back down again. Its a bumpy road and you're not alone in feeling wrung out.
I'm sorry about your weekend plans.
Is there anyone who can support you to support DC?
It is positive DC is able to open up and talk to you. I hope they can access appropriate services soon, it is awful trying to get help.
Sending a virtual hug.
I hope today is calmer

Thank you both.
You make a lot of sense.
The school DSL has given links to online support and has suggested an app called headspace which I'm going to download onto dc phone
The weekend tickets won't go to waste - older dc is having them! ;)

Re: support I'm seeing a friend on Friday and have cancelled a meeting tomorrow
Dp away til end of next week which is rubbish :(

I know atm they won't trigger camhs involvement- which I suppose I should be pleased about?
The offer of private counselling is still on the table bit they don't seem keen atm

The rapid swings from high to low and back again are difficult. It is exhausting to watch so must be even more so for DC. Medication (antidepressant and antipsychotic) helped level DS1 out. The swings aren’t as rapid/frequent and the lows aren’t quite so low.

Crises can present differently in different people. Some can be in crisis but still get out of bed/eat etc.

Have you considered a therapy that is less reliant on verbal communication e.g. animal assisted therapy? Does DC have an EHCP? Therapeutic provision can be included in there even when DC wouldn’t usually meet the NHS thresholds and without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.

Do you have controls on what can bed accessed online and do you check phone/messages etc?

If you think DC is at risk, as well as medications, lock away anything that could be used to self harm. And, if you get to the point where you can’t keep DC safe you must go to A&E/call an ambulance.

No, no sen.
No suggestion of additional needs or disability
Always been sensitive and quiet
Very bright, articulate (maybe too much so? Seems more mature than they are?)
Tonight they are going to a regular weekly hobby group they enjoy where they have made good friends
They would love a pet but sadly other family allergies preclude this :(
I'm feeling like I should have seen this coming?
I thought we were close :(

Yes I have access to phone and family link set up
They can't download anything without me okaying it
I do check it periodically

There is SEN at play, SEMH needs are a type of SEN. I wouldn’t rule out other types of SEN either, particularly ND.

I also recognise the swings you mention. There are times when you think your child seems to be fine, coping well but then boom nope this isn't right and they are not alright. Yes, it's exhausting.

Despite no concerns from school or GP, we suspect some form of ND, possibly ASD or ADD but at the very least traits. DC describes herself as ND now although currently is not too concerned about getting a formal diagnosis (which is lucky as it's another thing that seems tricky to get a referral for).

Please don't beat yourself up about this. It doesn't serve anyone. You sound like you are doing everything that you can to help your dc which is all anyone of us can do. I certainly did not see this on the horizon for my dc and when it came I didn't realise it would be so difficult.

Hugs to you and to anyone in this group going through a difficult time.

Yes semh definitely

Sorry, I'm tired

One of their siblings is ND so I'm as confident as I can be no NDs

My gut feeling is its them trying to find out who they are that's causing such anxiety and feelings

Covid meant no end to primary, no proper secondary intro, came out (fine, no issues) but seems to have been "playing a part" to fit in and has become pretty fed up with it.

Worried how their friends would react/feel.

Always the agony aunt of the group iyswim?

I've tried to explain that teen years are for experimenting and trying new things and "finding your thing" and no one knows exactly who they are at 14

Seems anxious about the future (who can blame them!?)

Sigh

It's hard

Are you sure there is no ND? There are lots of markers in your posts that when added together could indicate further assessment is required. For example, ND sibling, bright/articulate/mature - maybe too much, quiet/anxious/sensitive, poor MH, putting pressure on themselves to take on a ‘role’/masking, gender issues. Just because DC presents differently to their sibling doesn’t mean DC isn’t ND.

Not every anxious child has nd

Err, I didn’t say they did!

@PokeyLaFarge hope both you and dc are feeling a bit better today.

I agree that not every anxious child has ND but often anxiety
is a symptom of ND. Might be worth keeping it in mind as something to explore in the future. If you asked me two years ago, I would have said no to my dc being ND but now I think it is part of it. However, I don't know your child and you do so also feel free to ignore the above. x

I think I'm open minded about it...

My other dc doesn't present as "textbook" nd so I'm not unaware of traits

I think it's a perfect storm tbh;

Post covid socialisation/isolation hangover, teen angst, coming out, (I've known they are gay since they were 3 btw...), trying to be all things to everyone (I can relate to this!) and being the agony aunt for all their friends.

Add in some anxiety about gcses, what to do post 16....its a lot.

I know that semh issues in schools have exploded post covid. It's not surprising, really imo.

Yes I think we are only now understanding the consequences of covid and lockdown. Our school has also seen an explosion in MH issues. I don't think the Government have caught up yet. It's scary.

Given that this year's GCSE cohort at my youngest school no longer can sit in library if anxious as it's well over a third of students I agree 😞

Tough going here still
Youngest had art mock Tues/we'd.mamaged it but didn't eat all day in school either day
Dd2 is nervous wreck and extremely hardwork
DS is out of sorts,think he's feeling impact everyone be off kilter

I did a transition to adulthood workshop with out local autism support group today
Lots excellent advice,I've got a LOT to implement as I admit to doing things for them as it's quicker,but not skilling them up long-term😞

I'm dreading mocks and they are 2 years away!