Feeling dangerously low - anyone around to chat?

[paperchain]

Longstanding history of depression, self harm and addictions. Breakdown last summer, spent 3 months in hospital. Personality disorders diagnosed. In long term therapy atm.

DH critically ill. DSs have history of major illness, following congenital abormalities.

I cant cope any more. I want to end our marriage. I have sent DH away with the DC this weekend so I can get my head in gear. But I just drinking all the time.

I feel so low. I dont think I am at the 'worryingly low' stage (I have been known to take ODs in the past but I dont feel like that atm) but I am feeling very depressed.

I dont know what to do. All I want to do is cry and be comforted, but I am all alone. How can I get through this?

I dont have a crisis team, my local mental health trust doesnt count PDs are serious enough to need them . I could take myself off to A&E, but mental health/SH issues are dealt with so badly there. (The last time I seriously ODed I was treated appallingly, also by DH who came along with me).

I dont know what to do.

I will make up the beds and then try to force myself to eat something. (I flit between over eating and under eating - have had an eating disorder since my teens). Yesterday I hardly ate anything, which is why I got so drunk I think. If I can eat a little to0night I might cope better tonght with the drink.

I know I sound like a pathetic stupid time waster, but I HATE this, I really do. I am sick of my life, which is why I am trying to make it better. But I ambeginning to think I cant do that. So Maybe I woiuld be better off out of it after all.

No, you're not pathetic and you're not a time waster. I'm betting my mortgage that many mners have been where you are right now.

No, you don't sound like a pathetic time waster.

You sound like someone who has been struggling for a very long time with an extremely difficult situation. In fact IMHO I think you've done amazingly to have coped at all - I'm sure I wouldn't have done.

You seem to have been dealt a shitty hand but if you can get through this then things can be improved.

What about writing a list of all the things you would like to do before you're (insert next milestone year here)? No matter how daft; then put them in order of 'doability' and make plans tonight to do the first thing asap.

Cooking yourself a really nice meal would be a good idea too. When was the last time that you did something really nice for you?

Yes brilliant idea from rant - something that only you like so don't often get the opportunity to eat!

I've got to go out now PC - but I hope you're ok tonight, will check back later.

Keep posting, there'll be plenty of wise and supportive souls around

If you're off making that bed, hope you make something glorious to eat for yourself. Will be back soon.

thansk everyoen

I think I will go and see what is on tv tonight. I am getting close to that worryingly low stage and am trying to fight it

thanks for all the help.

PCx

Stay safe sweetie xx

Got to make tea now but, come back later,let us know how you are.

thankss everyone

PCx

just a quick message , i think the fact you are still asking for help is good. i think i know who you are hang on in there

i think that ending your marriage is something that has to be taken in isolation from everything else, if that is possible. time alone is a good idea.

try writing things down.

a list of pros and cons , without the emotion might help

definitely don;t drink

you will only feel worse later/ tomorrow, so try to stay with what you are feeling and work through it , if you can,without drink/ harming/ etc.. feeling stuff is painful, but necessary.

lots of love xx

thansk lulu, yes we do know each otehr

how is your chin? i didn't know that was you then, IFYSWIM !

Are you near any of us?Maybe we could come and chat? Give us a clue.Just wanted to let you know people are here.

Oh PC, I find you here as well. I won't post my post again, but look on your relationships thread for the post I wrote there.

I am here. I am switching msn on now. Or you can phone now. Dh is home but taking care of the kids.

I am sorry your feeling so low paperchain.

There is some great idea's on here, i would try not to drink or if you want to have a drink then maybe limit to a couple.

Do you have any nice snacks in the house that you can indulge on? always makes a lady feel better (chocolate springs to mind)

Try to stay here & talk or if you want to watch some tv but feel your gettting to the really low point & need to keep your mind occupied then come back here & chat with us, there will always be someone here to talk.

I think writing the list someone said about would be a great idea & may help you with your feelings.

Have you made something to eat yet?

PC, if you want to watch tv, isnt there a talent show type thing on on BBC1? Can't think what it is called, but I saw it last week and it was people inpersonating acts. No Michael Buble sound-alikes but I thought it might be your sort of thing...

impersonating?

thanks for all the posts. I ahve just done someting very decadent. I have ordered myself a takeawy

I told you I go from under eating to over eating

That's not decadent, that's SENSIBLE.!

I am envious. Bet it is nicer than the pizza dh has just cooked. He has burnt it again!

oh ,definitely sensible, you cannot beat it ! no cooking or clearing up!!

paperchain, i just wanted to offer my support, i have read your other thread too and i am also feeling shit just now. It is a shame you are not around the corner, we could do with a drink. But then for me, drinking makes things worse. I am thinking about taking my dog for a walk and just leaving DP with DD for a bit, even though its nearly bed time.

As for the takeaway, bloody enjoy it. What will you have? Indian or chinese? I'm a stickler for chicken in yellowbean sauce and cashew nuts. Ooooh, tempting me now.

Look, i'm in no place to give you advice just now, hanging on by a thread myself. BUT i just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I honestly dont know how you cope with all you have had to cope with recently. But you HAVE!! Your children love and need you - rignt now, DD keeps me alive and smiling. Focus on your children. I am sorry that your DH is ill, but there is only so much responsibility you can take for him.

I have to say this - you dont have to answer this even to yourself, BUT : You seem like you are in a terrible place in your head just now. You seem to want to punish yourself. You MUST please get some help - but do you really want out of your marriage? Or is that another stick with which to beat yourself? What i mean is, do you want out, or is it the depression making you want out. Of course it could be the marriage that is making you feel like this. I dont suspect you have the answer to this q now. But i think you have done the right thing by asking your DP for some space. Do you think that a hospital stay would help you? I know i would like to be in the position to take myself off to hospital for a while, but i am pretty much left to my own devices re my problesm from doctors, given ADs and thats it. I am wondering what i have to do to get the help i need.

FWIW, i have self harmed too in the past. I have no desire to do this at the moment for some reason. I just don't see that damaging myself anymore could help.

thask for posts.

soryr abut your situaton lucyelensmum

takeawy was chinesse, but I struyggled to eatr even half

relay hell bent on getitng plastered now