Feeling dangerously low - anyone around to chat?

[paperchain]

Longstanding history of depression, self harm and addictions. Breakdown last summer, spent 3 months in hospital. Personality disorders diagnosed. In long term therapy atm.

DH critically ill. DSs have history of major illness, following congenital abormalities.

I cant cope any more. I want to end our marriage. I have sent DH away with the DC this weekend so I can get my head in gear. But I just drinking all the time.

I feel so low. I dont think I am at the 'worryingly low' stage (I have been known to take ODs in the past but I dont feel like that atm) but I am feeling very depressed.

I dont know what to do. All I want to do is cry and be comforted, but I am all alone. How can I get through this?

I don't think I will be much help but didn't want your thread to disapear before anyone got a chance to answer.

Have you talked to GP or any other mediacal people?

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low

Would samaritans help?

We are here to listen too

You can and will get through this, put the drink away...NOW. Have you got any family or friends nearby?
Sounds trite but if you can get out for a short walk you might feel better, if all else fails, keep posting so that people are talking to you. Samaritans aswell if you need them.

can you get someone to come and sit with you?
sorry you are feeling so low

Have you any close friends you can ask to come and be with you tonight?

Your life sounds very stressful, what is wrong with your DH?

Sorry I see you are in long term therapy, have they discussed any stratigies or techniques you can use when you start to feel really bad?

Paperchain, i am so sorry for you, it sounds as though you are dealing with a huge amount.
Do you have and friends/family close by?
I don't have any advice but keep chatting here there will be lots of support coming your way.
I wish there was more i could do.

Keep posting Paperchain, please

thank you for all the posts. I was worried no one was around. Or that everyone had blocked the 'feeling depressed' threads.

I dont have any family around me. I do have lots of friends, and a couple who know what is going on atm, but no one I could call on to come and be with me. I have used the Samaritans in teh past and ifI get 'desperate' I will ring them again.

I feel such a prize bitch though, because I am driving the split. DH needs me. And I am ready to end it. We have been together for 15 years. (He has been in and out of hospital all that time with long term health issues (he is a haemophiliac and contracted HepC+ from infected blood back in the 80s and now has chronic cirrhosis, liver failure).

I have so many emotions going on I dont know how to handle them, which is why I do all those bloody stupid things to block the emotions out. When really I know I need to feel them - but I dont trust myself alone.

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhh

paperchain, when do you see your therapist?

can you phone her and ask to see her first thing monday? or talk to her on phone?

it isn't a great thing to break boundary but if you are feeling desperate, and it isn't a usual occurence, i think it is appropriate tbh

Perhaps take this time to look after yourself, I know time alone can make things worse so how about planning the evening a bit, perhaps a movie or tv shows to occupy your mind.
Do you read, I like to get lost in a book saves me thinking about other things for a while and helps my brain to relax.
Try to claim this evening and make it work for you rather than drinking and letting it all engulf you. Take control and think about things you can do.

Would never block depressed threads, have been there, would feel wrong to block them. Did the drink thing aswell and you don't need me to tell you, it's going to make it seem worse. Sorry you're feeling like this.
Book is good, something to do with your hands, better.

I see my therapist on Wednersdays. She knows excatly what is going on atm (in fact DH and I saw her together this week too). I could ring her, but I dont like to. I am not a 'regular' out of slot pesterer, but I have had need to speak to her frequently over the past year, inclding a time when I ahd to 'report in' with her every morning. But I know the weekends ar sacrosanct and I hate to disturb her. Anyway, what could I say that she doesnt already know? What could anyone say, or do, to make things any different?

How about for now you acknowledge them but not feel them for now.
. Put it all down on paper then put that aside for now. Then write down some things you want or need for yourself. Think about what practicle steps you can make, (just little things for now).

But tonight you need to put yourself first and look after yourself, you have been busy caring foreveryone else I think.

Paperchain, it's really hard to live with chronic illness, often far harder for the carers than the patient IMO.

On the plus side you are recognising the danger signs/ triggers in yourself. Agree with sophable about boundary breaking if nec.

Can you swap the alcohol in your glass for some nice iced water with a bit of lemon in? I think you know that alcohol will make you feel worse really , put some happy music on. I clean when I'm low as it distracts me but it's each to their own.

thanks everyone

My therapist says that I need to focus on me, and that if I keep on doing the same things in the same way I will end up back in hospital. The theroy being that you cant keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome.

I know how I feel about my marriage. I love my DH but I am not in love with him. And I dont want to carry on being this unhappy. I want out

I know you've had a drink but can you pop round to see someone (not in car obv)?

do you have a crisis line you could ring? Whereabouts are you? MIND run crisis lines in many areas for such support (particulary for PD)

I went out for a long walk this afternoon. (I do try to help myself). I dont have the car atm - DH took it with him this weekend. I have a couple of local friends I could call on (I have done many times before) but neither are in atm.

Is there anything you've been putting off doing round the house that you could get stuck into until they get back?

They are not coming back tonight.

I have to make up the beds, I could do that.

Scramble's idea of writing things down is a really good one.

It sounds as though you are caring for dh and dc and not giving yourself enough tlc.

You can't look after others if you don't look after yourself, you deserve love, attention and help like everyone else.

I'm no expert but, you sound like you've been dealing with a lot of shit for a long while.

It's only really time consuming jobs that help me, like cleaning the kitchen cupboards out or reorganising the wardrobes (something that gives you a real sense of achievement) - but keeping active is good in any way so do the beds if it sounds good - especially if it stops you glugging

Agree with the writing down part, even if you just toss it afterwards. It's sometimes cathatic to write it out.