Anxiety about Sharing hotel room with partners adult son

[Mslouisajellytots]

I have suffered with my mental health for sometime, I have had support and have learnt ways to help me when it rears it’s ugly head, im not great with being confined to small spaces or in groups of people, I’ve had my moments, hate it when it gets the better of me. My partner knows all about it and I find he’s hit and miss with the understanding of it, if I’m around his family and I am feeling anxious due to a situation I find myself in, I have to keep it contained as my partners parents don’t understand mental health. I can’t say anything to explain as my partner says his mother doesn’t want to know and just wants me to get on and let them all enjoy they time together. I have found myself in some very uncomfortable situations and my anxiety has been through the roof, and my MIL is frosty with me, telling my partner she’s not happy I’m not involving myself more or I’m too quiet and I’m not talking to her enough and tells him she doesn’t want me spoiling her time away. My partner then tells me off and goes in a mood with me, and I feel so alone, willing for the anxiety of the situation plus the extra worry that I am now more obvious to people I’m struggling, although it’s more of a hindrance to his family.
Then recently she asked us and other family members to come along for a couple of days on a midweek break, she wanted to organise it and refused to let us pay, we don’t need her to pay but she’s insisting and my partner agreed. Then i hear my partners adult son is home from university and wants to come along, and I over hear my MIL telling my partner his son (21) will be staying in our room, I wait for my partner to say something but he doesn’t, afterwards I say to my partner I am uncomfortable with his son staying in the same room as well as I don’t feel it’s appropriate either, I say could we get another room and we pay, my partner refuses and says it should be ok, his son is not a stranger to me, i reiterate how uncomfortable I am having to share a room with him, he says he doesn’t want to mess his mother about, I said that I could sort it out, I message my MIL the following day, thanking her for the offer and explained how awkward it is for me sharing a room with my partners son, she ignores me and gets in touch with my partner and says I need to get over myself and sleep together in the room with my partners adult son or I am no longer welcome. She tells him I’ve upset her and she’s choked at my suggestion of getting another room. Now I feel I should have gone along with it and not said anything. People might say it’s ok not to go, but my partner wants me to still go and wants me to grovel and apologise to her for upsetting her, but that still means if I am allowed to go I will still be in the uncomfortable position. I would rather not go as due to my previous experience with his family, but I like to try. How can I repair this and still hold my head together, as if I have a bad spell I will get them mad because it will be deemed as spoiling there holiday, his parents are retired and go on 3-4 of these holidays a year.

OP, £300 of £8,500 amounts to just 3%.

He's mean, tight, a bully and an abuser.

The more you tell us about him the worse he gets.

Please do your future self a favour and put distance between you.

Oh and he buys you chocolate.

Whoop-de-fucking-do.

So he chucks you a Dairy Milk to keep you quiet between hitting, slapping and being vile to you?

@Mslouisajellytots do you have anywhere else to go? Anyone to talk to in real life?

I hope one day you'll see that your mental health issues are aggravated by the relationship you choose to be in, and that by leaving you're taking the first step to addressing the abuse that's woven into your life (abuse that was probably also present in your childhood).

[quote TabithaTittlemouse]@Mslouisajellytots do you have anywhere else to go? Anyone to talk to in real life?[/quote]
I have been getting counselling since last year, not in a good place, it upsets me to think how bad my mind was, as had been suffering badly with a bad back and had a similar thing where we went to visit my in-laws at a costal location overnight in a chalet, me and my partner slept on bunk beds in a room together, his daughter and bf on the sofas in the lounge/kitchen area, I still found it stressful as the chalet was very grotty (mould everywhere, smell was bad, if I had hired it I would have refused to stay there, but as I was her quest I kept quiet) was 6 of us staying there, meant for a small family of 4, my anxiety was bad and I was in pain, but my partner said his mother doesn't want her holiday spoilt so keep it confined, after going on a 2 mile walk as his mother wanted to walk her dog along the coast, and of course we all went with her, my back was bad, I didn't moan but was in some pain, I was on some heavy pain relief to get me through the pain, which I needed to lay down afterwards, I was told a couple of days later that his mother thought I was rude for going for a lay down, I did ask my partner and he said it was fine, I thought he was supporting me as he knows how I'd been suffering, she said I was too quiet and I didn't join in enough, and I've upset her and doesn't want to see me ever again! I was left gobsmacked! She knew I had back problems, but she choose to ignore it, my partner wanted me to grovel then, which I sent a message explaining but she ignored it and told my partner it was on the same lines as my SIL who she has also fallen out with as she got upset because her partner pushed his finger into her forehead and told her to put a smile on her face as she was worried about her father who was in hdu after suffering a cardiac arrest in the street a week earlier, he also didn't want to upset his mother, SIL was upset and I was the only one to support her, she was told also that she had spoilt his mothers holiday and she didn't want to see her again either! - my partner was a nightmare for weeks because his mother wanted him to break it off with me, I think the only reason why we stayed together was because he would have looked bad leaving me when I was fallen apart and my family was rallying around me to give me support!

I did get stronger, and with support I got through it, now it's starting all over again and I'm worried I will stress my family out all over again - I really worried them as I was in a bad place because of it all, I don't want to put them through it again, which is why I don't tell them too much on how I'm not doing so good again, I want to get through this without them suffering again, I felt so bad knowing how much pain I caused my family, I know they are there if I do need them 😊

If you were my daughter I would want to know. I might not be able to help but I would want you to know that you are loved and that you are worth so much more than this.

I think you need to seriously consider if you want to stay with this man. I think if you left him you would find your life immeasurably better.

@TabithaTittlemouse

If you were my daughter I would want to know. I might not be able to help but I would want you to know that you are loved and that you are worth so much more than this.

Unfortunately for me my mother does not even remember my birthday, my father has not been apart of my life either, my brother and sister are my closet family.