how do you know if you're depressed?

[ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas]

is it one of those things if you're not really sure then you probably aren't?

OK, so you'll forget about it tomorrow after a night's sleep but do go and talk to a doctor anyway on Wednesday. (can we come and nag you? ) They don't take your ds away for a bit of depression and given your home situation, it's not suprising it's getting to you. Do keep talking here.

I have been treated for depression honey, proper depression (needing medication) and I no longer feel ashamed about it

its an illness and wasnt my fault has taken me along time to realise this

If I can help in any way I would love to xx

and I mean that! as I remember all too well that it was prob the worst period of my life / parenting /marriage....so I do understand xx

jeeshhhh, yes, I'll talk to anyone about depression and anxiety now - although better at chatting about the anxiety really as this is cured (WooHoo). Years of therapy have made me a bit blase (sp?) about talking about it. Plus if something good comes out of having depression then it's being able to help all the others suffering with it too.

At first though it took a LONG time for me to be able to discuss it with anyone, thats one of the many ways depression keeps itself going, by isolating you in this way.

In fact, first time I told my doc about it was when I went for something totally unrelated. She was locum and asked why I had missed so many prev appointments. I said ' because sometimes I can't leave the house as I'm too scared' she said...'errrr...thats not normal you know - lets get you some help'.

They don't always force you to take ADs either. I was first diagnosed with severe clinical depression 16 years ago but only took ADs for the first time 1 yr ago.

if you don't want to be reading for ages then miss this post!! this is what i just sent to my friend. i'm so ashamed of what he must think of me right now and i wish i'd never told him

i don't want you to worry about me. that thing i sent you is over a year old and i've been much better for ages. i never actually hurt him you know. i would just think it. for example i'd be walking downstairs and think i wonder what would happen if i dropped him now and then i'd think omg what a horrible thing to think what's wrong with you and i'd hug him really tight cos i love him so much and think of course you couldn't do that you idiot why are you thinking things like that. when it said i threw him i didn't mean throw in a way to hurt him.he actually enjoys being thrown around ... strange child. he also enjoys having soft toys thrown at him ... ask charlotte! it makes him laugh! but if he was really getting on my nerves and i was thinking things like the stair thing i would chuck him on the bed cos i know he loves it and he would think i was playing and it makes him laugh and it wouldn't harm him but in the same way it was like a release for me. i can't really explain it but i don't want you to think i'm some child beater cos i'm not at all.

all that is only the tiniest part of it. there was so much more like not being able to sleep at night cos i get scared which then means i just want to stay in bed all day. i actually want to go to work instead of look after toby cos i find it easier - how awful's that? not eating cos i'm scared to, then eating crap and feeling really guilty and puking it all up cos it makes me feel so sick.

now it's pretty mild. some days i still can't sleep as you've noticed, some days i go off at people for no reason cos i just want to be in my own little world and if they try to talk to me i have to come out of it but that's pretty much as bad as its been for ages which is quite good.

i wish i'd had the nerve to tell you before but i'm ashamed of it. it's not a nice thing to have been through and i knew you wouldn't understand and would think i was horrible. but i'm almost back on track now ... i don't think i'll ever be properly back on track until i move out so the sooner i save up enough to move out the better. tbh it will probably never go but almost gone is good enough for me.

people have said this has probably been underlying since my brother died and then toby being born just triggered it all off. something about drastic changes of hormones etc .. don't really undersand the biology of it but it's basically been a long time coming and cos i've bottled everything up for so many years that's why when it did come out it was so big.

if you've got this far well done ... i didn't mean to write so much!! i guess when i said it was brief it really wasn't. what i told you needed so much more explaining. i knew it wasn't a good idea to tell you before you went out!! anyway it's probably better to get everything out without you interrupting every 5 seconds. i do wanna talk about it but i can't do it over the phone. you know i was never any good at opening up - i just can't do it.

i love you, you know that and i do want you to come and see toby i was just being silly. i hope you are having a wonderful night - you deserve it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

oops meant to say that is what i just emailed him.

don't be ashamed. If he is a friend he will be worried about you. I have to say that IME people who have not had to go through depression find it hard to cope with people who are going through it. It's not that I'm saying your friend is going to abandon you, I'm just saying he might freak out a little bit - well, at least thats what happened to me, then being a bit 'out of sorts' myself I took it all the wrong way and made things worse.

Sounds like you have been through a lot - I can see why you might be suffering from depression. It is an illness, nothing to be ashamed of at all. People with depression can no more 'just get over it' any more than someone with asthma can... honestly.

he is worried about me but also about ds and i don't want him to be worried about ds. it makes me feel incompetent.

my other friend "doesn't believe in depression" - everytime i have tried to tell her i am down she goes on about how depression doesn't exist so i never really tell her how i'm feeling.

you need to keep coming on here honey for support xxx we understand!

ummmm...not a very helpful friend then. Doesn't believe in depression - not heard that one before but I'm sure she's not the only one.

I know what you mean about not wanting someone worrying about your DS as it makes you feel incompetent. If I was in that position then I would show the person that I can cope thanks very much by sorting it myself and getting a docs help. But that is just me, if you aren't ready to do that then fine. Sounds weird saying getting a docs help is sorting it yourself but it is, it's a way of taking the bull by the horns and saying 'sod this, I don't care what it takes, I'm not staying like this becuase....

i lied and told him i'd seen a doc for that exact reason

he'll find out you haven't - he'll ask later how it went or he'll be able to tell you haven't been (sorry, talking from experience and really don't want to sound like I'm forcing you to do something you're not ready for)

i figured as he didn't seem to clued up on depression and i don't see him very often (lives 50 odd miles away) he wouldn't realise i told a white lie.

well it might work, what happened to me was I had someone who had no idea about it all but thought they did 'pull yourself together' and all that so they made it their business. Obviously your friend could be very different.

Docs should help you though, if things carry on you'll probably end up having to see one about it - that said, I didn't have MN when I was going through it all first time.

I'm off to beddie byes now. Hope you still feel OK talking about how you're feeling on MN in the cold light of day.

You'll find lots of other people on here who are going through depression...most were fine until they read my posts

Happy new year

i thought docs just gave ad's though.

They do give ADs which can really help even with mild depression - there's different ADs for different types. They can also get you counselling which is good for talking it through, which is a recognised therapy (not hippy nonsense )

hmmm not sure counselling would help. i find it very hard to talk about my feelings and i don't want to become reliant on ad's.

I too felt like you re ad. It was an awful time. Totally different, but I got really ill, recovered and now take a maintainance dose. Its nothing, no effort, just something I do in the morning, like brushing my teeth. IMHO the amount of chemicals, sometimes harmful, we consume unknowingly or otherwise, is nothing compared to at most a few tablets that could raise the quaility of your life greatly. Sorry to ramble, bit tired. Hope this helps, we ALL deserve to be happy

oh that doesn't sound too bad. i heard they can sometimes have bad side effects and very hard to come off.

Side effects cannot be predicted, you might not get any, taking 2 tablets , in my case, done harder things. Off to bed now, hope you sleep well

I started on one type which made me feel sick - I only took them for 3 days then came off. Thought I'd avoid ADs after that but after 2 weeks I was much worse so went back to see Dr. He gave me some different ones on a very low starter dose - only felt a little bit sick on and off for 2 days (not bad at all if I coped as I am emetophobic) then fine - was well worth it for the relief from depression. Was so wonderful to not be shouting at my lovely DDs any more, plus I got the housework done

I managed to get a lot of relief from a tiny dose - you don't neccessarily have to be on a huge dose for an effect. Increasing the dose didn't give me any bad side effects.

The worst bit about taking ADs is trying to find the right ones, once you've got the right ones they are usually very helpful.

Coming off them is not a problem as long as you do it gradually if you have been on them for more than a month.

What's worse? Talking about your problems or taking ADs? I think you are going to have to do one, depression rarely goes away on it's own unfortunately.

Hi honey how are you today?
xx

feel much better and rather silly for getting so worked up last night.