It just can't. I have an Ed and depression. I'm so low. I had to fight for 18 months for therapy and treatment. I'm currently failing at therapy. I never know what to say so I end up not saying much. I'm completely useless.
I'm having issues at work and failing there. Failing badly and it's massively financially impacting my family.
I'm a shit parent. My DC deserve better.
My DH deserves better.
I'm embarrassing. I'm boring and have achieved nothing and failed at everything.
I tried ADs. Had allergic/anaphylactic
reactions to all three classes of AD.
I can't carry on.
I don't go out. I find socialising so stressful. This impacts DH who is massively social and DC take after him.
The only good thing about covid has been no socialising.
We were meant to go to a party on NYE but it was cancelled due to host having covid. I'm so ashamed to say I felt relieved because it meant I didn't have to go or let anyone down by not going.
I have not seen my best friend since June and have barely spoken or text her. I just can't make myself. And I don't know what to say to her. I have no conversation.
I keep crying. DS caught me crying both today and last night. Poor DS. I don't seem to be able to stop.
I just can't anymore.
The monumental effort it takes to get showered and dressed and put a normal
Happy face on and go to work is killing me. Pretending to my family that it's all ok.
Well it's not ok. It's really fucking far from ok.
I'm useless at talking which is why I'm
Failing at therapy. I can't find the words and don't know what to say.
I have nothing left to give.