I’m in a same-sex relationship with another woman and we’ve been together for nearly three years. We don’t live together and I have dc.
During this time she has periodically ‘disconnected’ from me, usually out of the blue and over something very minor. So she might have told me that day how much she loves me and how grateful she is for me and then maybe two or three hours later she’s telling me to fuck off and fuck my children. She then often blocks me across all mediums. This lasts maybe 2 days? She used to apologise and say it was because she loved me so much and was so scared of losing me that she pushed me away but now she doesn’t really talk about it afterwards at all.
It tends to be around every three weeks or so. Yesterday she’d got a problem with someone at work and I said it was a reflection on them and not her. Apparently this was not the thing to say as she then hung up on me and I got messages saying why wasn’t she allowed to feel how she feels and she can be angry if she wants and not to contact her all day.
It was out of nowhere as far as I was concerned. Then I was waiting to see if she was going to block me or what would happen. I messaged her late afternoon and apologised but I wasn’t entirely sure what I was apologising for. She said ok. That was it.
I often tell myself that when she does this - especially the times she says fuck me, fuck my kids, fuck my family etc I won’t chase but I always do and I don’t know why. She says I never get angry and that’s not normal and it’s because my whole family are repressed. I do feel angry but I’d never be able to show her because when she has disconnected it’s so precarious that if I were to be angry as well it would inflame the situation. Sometimes she will use it as a threat ‘I will block you.’
It sounds pathetic written down. I am always so grateful and relieved when things are ok again. I don’t really think I am doing anything to antagonise her, I’m pretty careful. It’s just sometimes like yesterday it happens anyway.
She tells me she feels things more deeply than other people and that’s why it happens.
It makes me feel very anxious and when it’s happening the adrenaline goes all the time. I can physically feel my heart racing and I can’t eat or sleep. Afterwards I’m incredibly tired.