I’m 36. And I’ve literally given up on life. I used to be fun and adventurous and determined … I was attractive and charismatic.
None of those things now. I haven’t left the house for 3 weeks, and probably only twice in 10 weeksI can’t be arsed to cook, can’t really be arsed to eat the shit that’s delivered. I don’t really play with my small child I do the bare minimum to keep the house clean and tidy. I have a niche talent which is in demand and I could earn around £1000 a week from home if I could be bothered, I haven’t worked for months.
Things have been shit since youngest was born a few years ago but I used to fake interest in life and we’ve been to just about every amusement park and holiday park in the country. Do feel a bit better when away as I hate this town with a passion. Been trying to move since December . This summer has been the worst though. Paid hundreds for summer school for little one and he refused to go after a few sessions. He’s just been bumming around the house since. I can’t go anywhere, to anxious to be seen the way I look and can’t face people. I don’t have any friends or much to do with any family so no ones really noticed how I am. DP has been taking DS out to fun things occasionally. He’s frustrated with me, tells me I never smile and I’m awful to be around. Several times a week I just think, I’m always gonna be fat and have a weird shaped body now, I’m always gonna be lazy and depressed because I didn’t really want this life or anything like it, I might aswell just die, I’ll take all the codeine and morphine liquid once they’re all asleep. And then because the child is a hyperactive little sod and is rarely asleep before midnight I don’t get the chance and sort of roll into another day. I think I’ve forgotten how to speak to people I doubt I could even go in a shop , I’ve a huge wad of vouchers I got for a birthday that I will never spend as I can’t use them online. He ordered two meals yesterday , the first I never touched, I actually threw the burger across the room and then straight in the bin, the second I had a few mouthfuls of . Can’t work out why I’m still so bloody fat. It’s just too much now . Can’t see a way out.