Therapy stressful

[thesootherfairy]

Hi everyone.
Just wondering if anyone else had experienced this.

I'm currently receiving individual therapy. It's a long term treatment (12 months plus).

I'm finding it so so stressful. I literally feel sick the day before and during the day leading up to the appointment.

Afterwards I feel really stressed for days on end and I only sort almost feel normal the day before the appointment and then I start to feel sick and stressed again.

Even thinking about it makes me feel so stressed. My jaw clenches, my heart races and I feel sick.

That isn't a normal reaction is it? I thought therapy was about helping with stress (amongst other things). This is causing huge amounts of stress.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I don’t know where you are and I know you said Priory group cannot help. If you’re in Berkshire I really recommend the Cardinal Clinic in Windsor. It’s stayed independent and is bloody brilliant.

I wouldn’t have been able to do Zoom either.

No matter what the message is with ask for help, the NHS is woeful for MH and ED I. My experience and everyone I know and met in those settings had to go private.

Best of luck and keep fighting.

@DelilahDingleberry
I'm trying to make the point that it isn't the therapist. It's the Ed service.

They stopped doing face to face January. But still do all physical checks in person. Doesn't make sense.

Now what. Now nothing. They'll discharge me because they only do zoom and I can't make that work.

@FlappyFish thank you. V kind.

So you give up? Or something else?

@DelilahDingleberry
I've had an Ed for 37 years. I've never had treatment before. Initially when I was young, ed wasn't well known about and I didn't realise I had an Ed and no one medical ever asked.
Later on Mainly because I didn't think anyone could help as all help is geared towards teens. Most of the stuff I've read (read tons of books recovery help type books) do not resonate with me and my Ed and reasons for Ed don't conform to the standard.

So far I've not really felt listen to or heard by the local service. Today was another example of that.

@DelilahDingleberry I don't think you really understand that the MH services literally make you beg and if you have issues with how things are, you're clearly told to get on your bike.

See poster above who had her therapy changed to phone therapy after a 2 year wait and they wouldn't accommodate her at all or even let her wait and have her treatment later. It's a piss poor attitude as we all pay in to fund these services.

And I only got treatment because I agreed to be a guinea pig for research.

You wouldn't expect to have any other medical treatment at home so why should therapy be any different? It's highly discriminatory and those most affected who won't have privacy for this will be women and vulnerable women who really need help.

I do understand how it is. I’m asking what you’re going to do now. If you read back through your posts, you seem stuck on what isn’t right and what you should be offered, rather than looking for a solution that will actually work for you. It’s well known that if you want MH care that’s personalised, you have to pay for it. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. I hope you find what you need.

@DelilahDingleberry when I had trouble with the terrible cbt lady and they switched to zoom in January I tried priory via insurances as described in one of my posts above.
They only offered zoom as well.

Clearly that's all that's on offer. There are only 2 more specialists local to me and one isn't taking on new patients and the other is only doing zoom.

I wish I had never started this. I would be in a much better place if i had said nothing. They've made a complete mess of me and upset my family for absolutely nothing worthwhile.

I wish I had never started this. I would be in a much better place if i had said nothing. They've made a complete mess of me and upset my family for absolutely nothing worthwhile.

I really think, if you've got the strength, that you should take this further. It's not fit for purpose. If the whole of the NHS ED therapy in your area is reliant on this one woman doing her reasearch and who only seems to do things to suit herself it is not actually a service at all.

@Orgasmagorical
The area I'm in didn't even have an Ed service until 2017! Nothing at all. They had to refer people to neighbouring counties.

So they contracted in a different trust to provide.

The trust they contracted in is under "requires improvement" and their Ed services are listed as "inadequate" as being unsafe and not well lead (no shit!).

It's crappy and I don't know why the local trust would commission a service and contract a service provider who is listed as inadequate.

It's poor show. But I think it might well be a case of you get what you pay for.
I think (having looked) they pay £25mil a year for the service.
This sounds a lot but this is to cover ED services for an entire county with 2million people. So £12.5 for each person.
Stats I've read say that 8% of population has an Ed so say 150,000 people locally. That is £166 per person who has an Ed.
Totally useless. They can help anyone if all they have is a couple of hundred quid.

Even if they only offer treatment to a couple of thousand people a year, that doesn't sound like a lot of cash. Bearing in mind some of that cash is spent on general admin, building maintenance, IT, assessments for people they ultimately don't treat (say no Ed but ocd etc).

Puts things into perspective.

Perhaps I should be surprised that they're offering anything at all beyond a self help leaflet and half an hour of advice.

I think you go back to your GP again. The core issue is that you are asking for therapy for your ED either face to face or by phone, which is now more urgent than it was becauseissues have been cracked open by interaction with services that has ended abruptly. It really shouldn't be this hard. I don't think you're being restrictive.

My therapist doesn't like phone contact and my experience of it was that progress was slower, and she's quite restrictive about conditions for zoom calls but she will do phone calls if that's all that will work. Given the extreme limitations of MH services in this country it is very frustrating when the flexibility has to be entirely on the patients' side. It does feel like you have to say certain magic words before you get a service. In reality there's barely a service left tbh.

Thanks @PermanentTemporary
I do feel very raw. It's not pleasant.

I've emailed my GP. She's supported me through a nightmare inflammatory arthritis diagnosis and crap effort from rheumatology (they are also hopeless out here and she was on their case!).

And she's supported me through this Ed stuff so far. She's doing medical monitoring as well as she doesn't trust the Ed service due to their inadequate status.

She's bloody great. Been v lucky with her. It has made such a difference having a great GP.

Someone upthread made a really good suggestion about talking on the phone while on zoom. You could both have your zoom mics muted so you could see each other but the audio would be much better. Do you think that could work so you could continue with the trial? Or do you feel this whole experience has irretrievably damaged your relationship with this therapist?

You're going through so much, Soother, I feel for you . It's great that your GP is so good though, hopefully she'll be able to take it further for you.

So therapist emailed and said that I'm not suitable for their therapy and that's it.

I've been left without any support after being dropped from a clinical trial.
Not to mention 8 months of being pushed and pushed to open up about things and when I do open up, I'm left without support.

I feel like I've been ripped apart. I've cried solidly for 7 hours today. I was out with DH and DC and started crying in public and I've not stopped. I'm still crying.

Dh has gone to sleep. I wish I had courage to wake him and tell him to take me to a and e and hopefully they would have some drugs of some sort to make me feel better.

There isn't any help or support. Not unless fit a certain mould.
I'm suitable for nothing. Not even therapy for anorexia (ie very broken people).

Can you ask them what therapy they do think might be suitable for you?

Having the 'wrong' therapy or not being responsive to it can be quite damaging in itself.

I was eager to get started on seeing a psychologist, but I was advised that I needed to wait until my weight was more restored, otherwise I might have found it too hard and feel that I had 'failed' which would have been counter productive.

Soother, I hope you got some sleep and are feeling even a bit better now

@Thesootherfairy this sounds very tough. Nhs 111 do have mental health nurses available - why not call them now?

@TheOrigRights thank you. It isn't a weight issue. I think most taking part in the trial are lower BMI than me as it was suitable for above 15BMI. So no I'm not there in that sense.

@PermanentTemporary It would take me months to work up the courage to speak to someone I know. I couldn't phone random strangers. I wouldn't even able to say hi to them.

@Orgasmagorical don't feel any better. Have cried most of today as well. Can't function. Everything is a mess.

Dh have been giving pep talks on how he DC, everyone who works for me relies on me so I need to buck my ideas up and get on with it.

To top it all, I've additional stressed via emails with other family issues. There's no end to it.
I've given up.

Sorry, I didn't really mean that it was a weight issue for you, I used that as an example of when therapy wouldn't be suitable.

I am wondering if they are able to help you find what support would be beneficial for you.

Completely. I just meant if you are thinking about A&E, NHS 111 is a less stressful place to start.

@TheOrigRights I understand. I only wanted to point out that this isn't the reason and couldn't be.

@PermanentTemporary. I don't know what to do.
DH has to drive to other end of the country to deal with family emergency shortly and will be away for a week.
He's given me a pep talk about needing to sort myself out.

He wants to pay for some £700 an hour consultant at Priory.

I don't need a £700 consultation. I need the Ed therapy I was allocated and thought I was going to get.

I feel like literally no one is listening to me.
No idea how to make it through the next hour never mind another day. I do not feel good at all. It feels like my mind broke.

When I first started non face to face therapy it was by phone. This was my choice as I associated Zoom with work (this was back in May 2020 so Zoom for EVERYTHING wasn't yet a thing!).

She was fine with that, but after a few sessions did encourage me to use Zoom as she said it was beneficial for her to be able to see me. Which is true. For the odd session where the connection was bad we went back to phone. I'm really surprised that they are completely dismissing the tech issues. If they are at their end then you can't be the only one with problems.

As for your family interrupting you. I really think that's something you need to address, How old are your children? Many of us have had to juggle kids being at home with work and other important things and children have had to learn the boundaries.

@TheOrigRights you're lovely. Thank you.
Sadly the therapist and service didn't just dismiss the face to face.
The therapist is no longer, she emailed me and told me this and that I wasn't suitable for any therapy. So I will be discharged.

I think it's very unfair. I have had the therapy ripped away very suddenly. I've been left ripped open after being pushed and pushed to open up.

I can't see how they can do this.

So no therapy for me.

AXA don’t only use the priory, that’s just one route in place usually when you don’t have a GP referral. If your GP will do a referral you can see an individual psychologist or psychotherapist as long as they are recognised by them. I’d get your GP to do the referral and then call them again and ask for the names of people they cover near you. I’m sure you could find someone local who will do face to face or over the phone rather than via zoom.

@Roominmyhouse I know. I ended up asking AXA as of the three ED specialists in my area two are not taking any new patients and the third now only specialises in training new therapist.

That's why i asked axa. My GP recommended priory for private for the above reason as there's nothing else locally.

I'm reluctant to phone axa again and spend two weeks getting my hopes up only to have been stuck in the loop again.

Anyway the therapist from the nhs Ed service emailed me and said I'm not suitable for any therapy. Not really any point is there.

Anyway the therapist from the nhs Ed service emailed me and said I'm not suitable for any therapy

Only because she's not able to offer you what you need - the failing is hers not yours but she's turning it round to say you're not suitable. That's not true.

Is there a private specialist in a neighbouring area you could travel to?