Therapy stressful

[thesootherfairy]

Hi everyone.
Just wondering if anyone else had experienced this.

I'm currently receiving individual therapy. It's a long term treatment (12 months plus).

I'm finding it so so stressful. I literally feel sick the day before and during the day leading up to the appointment.

Afterwards I feel really stressed for days on end and I only sort almost feel normal the day before the appointment and then I start to feel sick and stressed again.

Even thinking about it makes me feel so stressed. My jaw clenches, my heart races and I feel sick.

That isn't a normal reaction is it? I thought therapy was about helping with stress (amongst other things). This is causing huge amounts of stress.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Can you pin point what it is that is stressing you about it? Are you happy with the therapist?

Hi @Orgasmagorical

I like the therapist. She's really nice.

It's just the whole thing. The idea of talking to some one, it has to be done on zoom (I hate zoom, face time etc), I don't know what to say and she keeps asking how I feel which I don't feel I want to answer because she interrupts what I want to say with that.

Just so stressful.
Is it supposed to feel stressful?

i dont think id like it over zoom either. I wonder if youd find it easier when they go back f2f

It sounds like she might not be the therapist for you, even if she's nice. The first time I tried therapy I felt like this, but with my current therapist I look forward to the sessions as somewhere to bring everything I'm worried about and work through it. Well maybe "look forward" is the wrong word bc it's still emotionally taxing, but I certainly don't dread it. Both have been on zoom. It also might not be the right kind of therapy for you - you might need psychotherapy rather than CBT, or vice versa.

What I meant to say was that no it's not meant to be inherently stressful. It can be difficult a few weeks in as you start to uncover all your issues, but the sessions in themselves aren't supposed to cause you undue stress I don't think

Have you discussed it with her? I hate therapy (because it's hard and I'm not good at it) but I discuss it often with my psychiatrist and he is mindful of how I feel about it. It's different for everyone but for me, the point at which I no longer hate it is the point at which I think I won't need it anymore.

I’m a therapist.

What modality is she - you can ask or look her up on UKCP/BACP site. Different therapy modalities will have different ways of working so it could be that this isn’t the right way for you.

Have you talked about the stress it’s causing? I will always talk with a client about how they feel before and after the session to work out what’s working between us and where there is tension.

Also - ask when you can go to in person work? I’ve worked in person with most of my clients since March. Our guidance was to use discretion and my own therapy has been in person the whole time. It’s dependent on the clinic or space they use usually.

Hmm. If she is interrupting you that isnt good. Maybe thats the zoom issue so maybe face to face would be better? That said, I had therapy for several years and found every single session stressful. My issues were pretty heavy so airing them was difficult. I used to walk out of the room and go straight to the offy to get a bottle of wine! However, it has paid off and I do feel that difficult as the process was, it was worth it. I think you need to work out if its her, zoom, or talking about stuff that is stressing you?

@jendifer this is NHS therapy. She's a senior clinical psychologist. And it's specialist emotion focused therapy for anorexia.

So she's legit and so is the therapy.

The local Ed services isn't doing face to face and might never do face to face again.

I've asked her if we could do it by phone instead but no it has to be zoom. I've told her zoom isn't good. You can't hear properly, there's feedback, there is a delay between the speech and the video which I can't stand looking at so I look away the whole time as I can't concentrate otherwise.

The zoom is definitely a massive issue @HJL400.
I don't get on with it. Prior to starting therapy with her, we spoke on the phone 4 times and that was really brilliant.

@RosaDiazRocks it's not cbt. I can't change therapy because there's nothing else on offer for me.

@jendifer I've only told her I find the zoom impossible and stressful. She doesn't know if face to face will be offered. She wouldn't do phone which I asked about.

@jendifer I don't tell her how I feel. She keeps asking but I don't feel like it because it's pointless. The zoom will cut out and she won't hear half of what I said and I'd have to repeat it and I'd be too embarrassed. So no I avoid telling her how I feel. She does ask. I just don't feel like I can tell or or even how to.

I found focusing on the problem made miserable, in therapy.
I did CBT and found it really empowering and uplifting.

CBT gives you tools abs processes to use to improve your moods and move you into a good feeling place.

Could you try typing out how you are feeling and then posting it into the chat function? This way you won’t be interrupted or cut off? You could even type it out beforehand and then copy and paste it into the chat function if you wanted to. (Haven’t tried copy and paste on zoom but it should be possible.)

I think if zoom is not working for you, which it clearly isn't, they should have a backup plan. F2f therapy should be possible where needed now.

I think using the chat function as hollytreenew suggests is a great idea.

@Hollytreenew I had no idea zoom had a chat function. I'm useless with tech.

@Robin233. The reason for this type of therapy is that CBT didn't work and made things worse. I found it completely useless.

@PermanentTemporary
I think you're right about the zoom being such a problem.

I think I'm reluctant to say anything at all and stressing about the tech interrupting me. I find it very hard to talk about myself at all and I find it almost impossible to disclose information about my emotions.

I'd do phone calls but prefer face to face where you're properly with a person and you can speak to them sensibly.

I've actually had both vaccines so should be reasonable covid safe by now.

The other thing about the zoom is that it takes place at my home. My DC walk in on me. The cat gets in the way. DH has overheard me crying which was hugely embarrassing.
During Easter hols the holiday cover nanny (DH and I both work) walked in on me and so did the cleaner.

It feels so bloody stressful and I can't talk properly so I end up not saying anything and just feeling stressed.

Oh that doesn't sound helpful. One of the good things about therapy is having a chunk of time to focus on yourself, such a luxury. I can't imagine doing it over zoom, in fact I just wouldn't. Could you do it with the camera switched off? Or even a blob of blue tac over the lens?

I say to patients of mine that therapy should feel difficult and if it's not it means we're not tackling the right 'stuff'. However I'd be really concerned if one of my patients was having this reaction and would really want them to tell me so we could try and figure it out together. Therapists love an honest patient, so I'd really encourage you to try and talk it through with her. Therapy is really destabilising and the timing of it has to be right so it may not be the right time for you xxx

I don't mind zoom therapy but I can find space to myself, and it doesn't do as much for me as f2f. I think your therapist has the right to say no to phone therapy, but they shouldn't just block any other options. Frankly, requiring you to continue with video therapy sounds discriminatory given your living circumstances. Email your therapist requesting f2f.

@newtolineofduty there isn't a timing choice. It was a long wait to get eating disorders therapy and there won't be another go at it. This is it.

@PermanentTemporary I have tried to talk to her about zoom, DC interrupting etc. All she says is. "Oh that sounds hard".

@schroeder she insist she needs to be able to see me hence no phone so camera has to be on and she has to be visible.

I feel like there is no hope. I was finally finally finally offered therapy for anorexia. My GP had to fight for this. The CBT that was first offered was absolutely awful and the woman delivering it was horrendous. My GP complained and there was lots of rushing around to institute this as an alternative.

So it's this, it's now or it's no help at all.

This is the problem. I think this isn't going to work via zoom. So I guess it won't won't at all making it utterly pointless

Therapy can be stressful, especially for something like eating disorder. You are having to deal with suppressed emotions, deciding to make difficult changes and then implement hard changes. It isn’t easy and it will be hard work. You aren’t going to get better after a series of nice chats, you have to really work at it. Are you sure you are not sabotaging the therapy because you aren’t sure you want to recover? Can you not ensure you aren’t disturbed? You will be emotional give yourself time afterwards to calm yourself. Better WiFi Ethernet connection different device? Maybe speak to the therapist on the phone about your difficulties. It will be hard, but please stick at it. Your children will know you are ill as they get older so think of them if you are finding it hard, they need a healthy happy mum.

@wobbleinprogress
Interesting what you say about the suppressed emotions and sabotage. Perhaps that's part of it too.

My internet connection is fine and super fast. It's the other end which is the issue. And zoom where audio abs video are not in sync.

My children didn't know anything was wrong until I started talking to the therapist over zoom. Unfortunately they now hear me crying every week and keep asking. So that is causing it's own issues.

I don't understand why she's not able to offer face to face. Presumably because she's working from home and seeing all patients remotely. But to be honest that isn't your problem.

I only made any progress with therapy when I started to say what I meant despite the fear. When she says 'oh that sounds hard' you need to tell her the truth. It isn't hard, it's making it impossible to do the therapy properly. She is refusing phone therapy because of the need to make a proper connection, but the zoom is preventing that connection taking place.

OK, possible brainwave. What if you were on the zoom call but simultaneously on the phone to her?

Are you keeping yourself healthly at the moment for your children? Life events menopause, children leaving home can be huge triggers for full relapse. Better they see you cry now while you strive to recover than see you in hospital later on. In fact seeing you learn to deal with accept and manage emotion and your problems is a brilliant life skill you are modelling for them. Prioritise this and don’t make excuses. Good luck