Parents of anxious kids/teen support thread(part 4)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
I cannot believe we are moving onto a fourth thread!
This is open to anyone looking for support or advice with a child or teen who suffers from anxiety
This is a long running thread and we have some popping in and out,some long term and some who just dip in for advice- all of these are just fine!
We understand the challenges of raising anxious children and how small wins matter(to others they're nothing special,and many are rude enough to say so!)and the sheer exhausting all consuming efforts that parenting very anxious children can entail
Only thing we ask is that others are respectful and kind.all situations are unique ,and there's no judgement allowed

Anne that's so lovely!

Such uplifting news @Anne. Especially the compliment 🙂

Hi. Has anyone's teen tried NLP hypnotherapy for exam anxiety? My DD has her mocks coming up after half term and exams are the man source of her school anxiety - this is where it all began in June . Her anxiety has spilled over to school in general now and she also has no friends at school anymore as they think she is attention seeking (they have never been nice girls anyway!!) . I have an ex colleague who is a qualified NLP practitioner but it is very very expensive but if it will cure it I wouldn't mind paying.

My partner is qualified hypnotist and was told in training absolutely not on under 18s donut
We have 70+ posts left,so be aware if you pop off few days we might be moving onto a new thread

DS is stopping the antidepressant as it's really not doing anything. The doc. has told me to taper it down this week. The reason for his issues is ADHD, which can cause anxiety & depression if left untreated. So we're now trying another ADHD medication. The first one perked him up a bit but this second one is more potent apparently. I'm hoping this one will work miracles, as his return to school is imminent. Plus his school doesn't compromise on academic rigeur. And haven't discussed a staged return or really offered any help. However Ds doesn't want to repeat the year, so he has no choice but to return.

fferny are you in the UK?(my brains very foggy).it never ceases to shock me the lack of pastoral care.we have been so lucky with the girls

Lil zoo refused school again yesterday.school are offering "the pink room"(used for pe/dance/drama as she had panic attacks/meltdowns/shutdowns)as a potential permanent everyday option for the time being as her attendance has dropped to at least one at off a week.she has a meet head of year first day back

LA responded to appeal and said they reject it so will fight. They say they are still waiting for the OT report to reconsider. A report performed by the LA at start of Sep with no report delivered yet :/
Feels ridiculous. Having call with new solicitor tomorrow who will have reviewed all our notes and records so will see what she says.

I'm so sorry Anne
They certainly do not make the process easy

@Anne I'm sorry it's not the result you wanted. Hopefully your new solicitor will be able to help.

@Zoo yes it's an English selective school. I don't know why I'm surprised, as my kids say it's not a caring school at all.

Zoo have you thought about applying for an EHCNA for DD3?

Fferny some ADHD medications, especially stimulants, can increase anxiety themselves. If the school refuse to make reasonable adjustments they are contravening the Equality Act, and leaving themselves open to accusations of disability discrimination. If DS can not attend school he should be given medical needs tuition.

Anne ignore the LA's game playing, they were always highly unlikely to concede at this point.

leap at this point I'm not sure how far that would get us as ED team have known she's been offered camhs support since MAY and not chased it up so she needs reassessing etc.once camhs have done initial finding I may do

@Leap I'm aware that ADHD medications may increase anxiety. So after 2 days I've upped the antidepressant dose again. The Psychiatrist told me I could do this if the reduction was detrimental to his levels of anxiety & depression.

His school have access to online lessons at all times. The problem is he finds online learning tricky with ADHD. The winter lockdown with its remote learning triggered these issues to start with. Hence it's better to attend lessons in person for him. However we're still perfecting the meds. and it's very much trial & error at the moment.

Zoo as DD3 is not attending full time, and when she is in school she isn't managing all lessons she meets the threshold for an EHCNA now, I wouldn't wait. As part of the EHCNA you could request MH assessments that would have to be undertaken within the statutory timescales, which will be quicker than being on the general waiting lists.

Fferny medical needs tuition must meet a pupil's needs. If DS can not attend school and online lessons aren't suitable due to DS's needs, and I understand why they aren't always, DS1 needs F2F, then the LA must provide F2F tuition e.g. home tutoring, hospital school, small group tuition etc.

Thanks zoo, 1leap and fferny.
Spoke to solicitor tonight and we have agreed to engage her. She is going to get us to have dd assessed privately for SALT, OT and clinical Psychologist as our reports are pretty old or by current OT. She said that the LA should concede the need for ehcp especially as the LA Ed psych report had so many recommendations, but we may end up appealing on the content. Let's see...

Heard from the LA this week. After seeking legal advice regarding our complaint that they refused to contact professionals we requested them to seek advice from, they note that their current EHCNA process might need reviewing in cases of children and young people where the proper approach of SEN support has not been followed. They say that usually schools and families have already sought support from relevant outside agencies well before an EHCNA is requested.

So they are basically saying that children should ideally experience SEN difficulties at a nice even pace and parents and schools should put all the right measures in to support (no schools being rubbish in this scenario or lengthy waiting lists for services or pandemics!) So the EHCNA should just be a fact gathering exercise for the LA and the insinuation is that it's our fault we don't already know all about what DD2 needs! They also state that they don't want to hold up DD2's EHCNA so will just carry on as normal and they hope at the end we will feel they have used all the information provided to gain a full and accurate picture of DD2 (seems unlikely as they won't have SaLT, OT or clinical psychologist as requested.)

Also got copy of LA EP report yesterday which seems quite similar to Independent report from a couple of months ago (just much shorter). LA EP report recommends Sensory OT assessment too (CAMHS have done a referral now). Also had SaLT assessment today (self-referred).

Muddling, that sounds very frustrating, the burden always seems to be on parents, it's relentless. LAs seem to push everything back to parents.
It's good EP recommended OT, I would have thought LA would then have to do it, but clearly not, at least CAMHS have requested one. Hope you don't wait ages.
Please can I ask how you self refered for SALT? Was the report helpful?
We have put in our EHCP appeal for DD. As she didn't manage to attend taster days at only specialist school we found with a place we asked for EOTAS provider on appeal form but this seems more fraught than going for a named school, ( LA are still saying mainstream but have named no school) my head is constantly spinning.
We went on holiday last week was lovely to get away and relax. DD was noticeable less withdrawn and happier, I think the pressure of trying and failing to get her into school drags everyone down.

Runner - glad you had a good break. Know what you mean about DC being more relaxed without pressure of trying and not managing school.

OT will be too late for EHCNA as will SaLT as deadline for evidence submission was the week before last. I just Googled SaLT NHS and our area and found a link for requesting help which appeared to be for anyone to use so rang to check as seemed to good to be true! I was able to give details and upload reports with my request. Therapist phoned 3 weeks later to arrange assessment. It was home visit yesterday so I don't have the report yet but therapist didn't actually find any major issues which slightly contradicts EP reports but best to have a full picture. She has both EP report and CAMHS reports and said report will include recommendations for difficulties that have been identified by EP. I would think self-referral opportunities vary by area - where we are you can self-refer for things such as physio, podiatry etc. Kicking myself for not having checked SaLT earlier.

Your EHCP appeal sounds stressful and I wish you the best of luck.

Anne I'm glad the solicitor was helpful. Independent reports are a good idea, they are what wins tribunals.

Runner make sure the EOTAS package has tuition, and includes therapies and other provision. Too many parents are fobbed off with only a few hours tuition. You will need evidence for a comprehensive EOTAS package. Not all areas accept self referrals for therapies, but regardless they are unlikely to be detailed, specific and quantified enough for tribunal.

Muddling your LA are spouting nonsense. Again! EHCNAs are about assessing needs and gathering evidence. The SEN regs are clear. Some DC may have existing reports, but by no means all DC or all necessary assessments. Even with existing reports they can only be used instead of new reports where the LA, report writer and parents agree they are sufficient and up to date. There's actually also case law suggesting it is possible to get an EHCP when they school could do more, but won't. I would be preparing for tribunal.

Leap - I agree and sadly have resigned myself to most likely needing to appeal. I hope that the copies of all our emails, the LA's slippery replies
and finally this letter admitting to the vague possibility they could be wrong (occasionally) will work in our favour at that point. I haven't replied to the letter from on high because I really can't see the point other than getting into a tit for tat argument. I hope the tribunal will see past their nonsense.

When I asked for a social care assessment for DD2 I was told I could request one myself if I thought it necessary. When I asked who they would be seeking advice on transition to adulthood I was ignored. Do all LA's have lists of "graduated approaches" which are supposed to be followed? That's what I keep being told.

How's everyone doing?are we all approaching the end of half term?
DS start fret about school return next week
Dd2 had full blown IBS over it last night,also because hasn't got on top of coursework in favour vegging out binge watching stuff on Netflix and then being angry I'm not sympathetic..(don't come saying you can't concentrate on school work if can watch TV 6hours continuously on your laptop!!)
Lil zoo birthday yesterday(14 now) we had planned a trip to town but one shop in started get overwhelmed after 2 pretty much totally shutdown and had bought nothing so came home and ordered on line..dominoes delivery for dinner went down well too
We are in progress better room division for the girls.dd2 halved(under protest) her clothes which tbh mostly was stuff don't fit,now reducing her stuff to one wardrobe,we have space for lil zoo to have a desk,and kallax will complete final wall adding storage and decorative vibes at some point in next week or so!
Last TAF saw children first saying they can withdraw soon,leaving schools to support as that's only real sticking point for us she's seeing the girls in school on Tuesday.
DS has teacher training Monday,so he's off when girls go back so will try and spend day with him as sorting room this hol has sucked up most of the week!
How's everyone with Halloween/trick or treaters/fireworks?
DS HATES it all.we don't decorate outside,nor answer door.fireworks are his biggest problem as so suddenly loud...
Lastly how are YOU all getting on?

Wow zoo! - productive week re room sorting😊
Happy birthday to lilzoo.
DD currently pumpkin carving with her older sister, she's been soo much more relaxed without pressure of school and going away for a week meant more interaction with us, less time withdrawn alone in her room.
I just hope we can keep it up, Monday she has CAMHS appointment, but she should be back to school Tuesday, therapist recommended a break from school and therapy before half term but couldnt really recommended a time frame, now she's happier more relaxed I'm thinking should we try school again or give her more time??? School applied for health needs tuition which is at home but haven't heard anything.
I hope school return goes smoothly, I can't help thinking most people's lives on here would be a lot easier without pressure of school attendance!

runner100% true!!that pressure on already highly stressed DC,sometimes not even able to explain the why they feel this way is awful

@Runnerduck34 I know what you mean. We are also waiting for medical needs tuition, but who knows when it will start? Not sure if we'll get home tuition, but it's what ds needs at the moment. I'm paying for a part time local teacher to just chat with him and do a bit of maths once a week and that seems to have gone down well. He was so proud of himself for just sitting and doing some work!

I'll report back when I've heard something about schools and tuition ....

DS also meant to be returning back for the first time since summer. He's gone all alternative - dyed his hair a bright colour, pierced his ears & was wearing black & white nail varnish today. I'm not sure how the school are going to take the new him.

We've asked school for a gentle return & I have propranolol for any anxiety attacks. The SAD lamp seems to be helping with his sleeping pattern and I will set up the sunrise/sunset alarm clock tomorrow.

🤞I'm hoping optimistically for a successful return...

Good luck for all of your dc that are returning to school this week. And the ones fighting for help from the various agencies.

I'm not sure there is an easy answer, being out of school has it's own problems.

Runner Mackencheese if medical needs tuition is not forthcoming threaten Judicial Review. mackencheese provision has to be suitable for the pupil's needs, if home tuition is necessary it must be provided.

Zoo DS1 is the same, especially fireworks - a few locally last night had him on edge. DS2 is at a Halloween party and has another one tomorrow.

Muddling the LA's games won't go down well with SENDIST. The letter is typical vague and woolly LA correspondence rather than admitting fault. I would be compelled to call out their bullshit unlawful practice making it clear they hadn't pulled the wool over my eyes, including DD's needs can not be accurately known or met if they haven't been assessed.

The graduated approach is the assess, plan, do, review cycle of SEN support. It will be slightly different for each pupil. Schools and LAs should not have blanket policies as they are unlawful, but the overarching theme is the same. Many LAs try to unlawfully insist on 2 cycles before applying for an EHCNA. Within the graduated approach many break it down into 3 tiers, similar to the old school action, school action plus, statement of SEN. Wave 1 is universal focusing on Quality Teaching First, Wave 2 is targeted SEN support, and Wave 3 is more specialised support which normally includes outside agencies.