Parents of anxious kids/teen support thread(part 4)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
I cannot believe we are moving onto a fourth thread!
This is open to anyone looking for support or advice with a child or teen who suffers from anxiety
This is a long running thread and we have some popping in and out,some long term and some who just dip in for advice- all of these are just fine!
We understand the challenges of raising anxious children and how small wins matter(to others they're nothing special,and many are rude enough to say so!)and the sheer exhausting all consuming efforts that parenting very anxious children can entail
Only thing we ask is that others are respectful and kind.all situations are unique ,and there's no judgement allowed

Hope you have some downtime now jump
DS skims 2nd centile,always has despite eating like a horse...

My DD 13y has been through a hell of a lot this past six months, her auntie passed away in September (she was like another mum) she’s suffering from really bad anxiety/panic attacks plus at time she’s was going through some sexuality issues & too top at off she’s has now developed tics.

She is receiving bereavement counselling at the moment but the counsellor isn’t aware of tics, I’ll try to encourage DD to tell her.

Please give me some advice, I’m at my wits end, every time I try & speak about with her I make it worst.

little welcome.the tics are often a "side effect" of high levels of anxiety
My DD has them when she's highly stressed.once levels anxiety lower they pass again
Bereavement counseling will help and as you are aware these things take time
I would encourage mindfulness/relaxation rather than ask her to talk about the tics as she may be very self conscious of it all?(not a gold standard method,but a personal opinion)things like colouring,walking in nature and looking at birds,blossom etc together,perhaps baking.yoga or breathing exercises online to help her relax.i often find doing them together helpful or her seeing you doing them models the behaviour
I'd say most important is how you are,and how coping?as her rock you need steadfast options to ensure you are strong enough to be her support system.do you have RL friends/family to support you?were you close to the person that passed too?
If you have any specific questions,or things you'd like to share/talk about please feel free to post them,or if it's too outing PM me

Thank you so much @Stilllivinginazoo I’m feeling useless at the moment.
She was my twin & we all lived together including my Mum, it’s just been absolutely nightmare, I had to organise everything.
It’s just one thing after another, when my twin passed away within 5 days my DD she wanted be non binary & the school was willing to change her name WTH so we dealt it, what’s she really needed was grief counselling & counselling is going well.
We’re really lucky that she got a place in a youth club for vulnerable/grieving children, that’s been a godsend. She was anxious this week about returning to school but was fine, I think but she’s is very good little liar
Then out of no way, she’s now developed tics DM & me thought she was doing so well, it just like another thing tbh.
I’ll definitely take on board all your advice thank you again

Hi @Littlek0406 and welcome.
My DD also has developed tics as well as a stutter when she is highly anxious. She is very self conscious of then and was a big worry for her returning to school. We try and ignore them as they do subside when her anxiety reduces.

I read somewhere that Guys and St Thomas hospitals in London has seen a massive spike in teenager girls with tics since the pandemic.

Thank you! @FiveMoreMinutesPlease did your DD start with tics or was it the stammer? Sorry if that sounds a bit rude, I’m curious & really overwhelmed with it

@Littlek0406 not rude at all. The stammer came first.

Welcome Little, although sorry you have a need to join this thread and to hear of your sister's death. I echo Zoo, remember to look after yourself.

DS1 has a motor tic and he (and DS3) also stims. CAMHS were originally concerned the tic may be epilepsy, after that was ruled out we now ignore it. If people draw attention to it DS1's anxiety increases and the tic worsens.

Zoo your DS is like mine. Sadly I am the opposite, comfort eat all the junk meant for them and could do with losing a stone or two.

Just taking day by day she’s was & still is a huge of our world @1jumpforward2back

Thank you all so much for your advice & being so welcoming!

Hope your all have a lovely Mother’s Day x @FiveMoreMinutesPlease @Stilllivinginazoo @1jumpforward2back

Morning all.thought to everyone of you for yesterday
Mine was not the day of my dreams as D's and lil zoo opt not spend any time with me but had time to talk on phone with dad in the evening and D's played online games him all pm.
No gifts as he wouldn't cough up for that and our usual pop large supermarket and shop whilst I point out things I like(books,slippers/gloves etc,flowers/plants/choc) then giving them money to chose whilst I pay for the good can no longer happen

Sorry DC are taking you for granted Zoo. As adults they will be able to see it is you there for them day in, day out, not DP. I realise that doesn't help now though.

Thanks jump .the joys of teens eh?
Dd2 has a "review" with camhs today.
As we've had no contact in 3 months from keyworker I'm not sure what there is to review,but am aware Sen support poked them with stick asking whats going on(lady on that team runs taf but off on maternity leave very soon and trying time up ends before she goes)
I've received news I'm now referred into parent carers,and yesterday I agreed they could inform g.p of this.im told I will now move into group 6 for vaccine.dd1(asthmatic) has been given text to get hers and terrified of needles so go wait for me to get my "call up" and we will go together
Has anyone here had it yet?

DH, DD2 and I have already had it Zoo. Do you not get carer's allowance? You can book online now if you do. If not, you need to be coded by GP as a carer, you can do that it doesn't have to be parent carers service.

If you don't get carer's allowance you should apply.

Good luck with the review.

jump I get dla for my own MH so assume I can't have it as a carer?
Review was okish.keyworker was nicer than ususl- think she's been told D's struggled with engaging as didn't feel heard
They've asked a week detailing all issues,feelings and coping strategies in any area she's having probs,so that's go need huge spreadsheet!meet again 1st April to go thru it then they will make decision what type support would be relevant.asked for a height weight check of DD too.shes very upset after,as she's gained a lot lately "eating her feelings"...doesn't want it tracked

I'm pleased the review was better than expected. I wonder whether you will be able to spot any patterns or triggers with your diary. When we did similar for DS1 we learnt a lot.

You can get carer's allowance and DLA together. You would need to make sure you didn't contradict yourself, especially when called to transition to PIP. For example, they would question it if you stated you couldn't physically make breakfast for yourself but also stated you made DS breakfast. But, if you said you prompted DS to eat breakfast and encouraged and reassured him during it that would be fine.

If, however, you also claim ESA or the limited capacity for work element of UC you can't claim carer's allowance.

Today has been a difficult day for DS1. He's been a ball of anxiety.

Hi all... Saw a reference to this thread elsewhere and tracked you down! Got called into DDs (11) school yesterday to be told that they think her anxiety is beyond their ability to deal with and asked to refer her on for more help So starting on the treadmill really.

Welcome Mona
Would you like to tell us about her/how you are feeling?

Welcome Mona, glad you found this thread.
Sorry things are so tough

Thanks both for the welcome. Bedtime took forever last night, so I didn't have the energy to come back to the thread!

DD is lovely... Her teachers always tell me they wish they could have a classroom of kids just like her. She's intelligent, super compassionate, diligent, polite.

She's also over-conscientious to the point of insanity, worried by the possibility of accidentally doing wrong and being told off, and totally unable to cope with anyone else in her vicinity doing something wrong and being told off, to the point that she has panic attacks about it. School have been really supportive and given her a 'safe space' she can go to whenever she's overwhelmed, but she school refused for the first time last week and had to be picked up early this week because she couldn't self settle, and they have told me that they have reached the limit of what they can do to accommodate her in the classroom and she needs to be referred on

I'm a single Mum, my ex is part of the reason she struggles, and my family live so far away... This pandemic has been really shit for both of us. I've got a GP appointment next week but I'm really worried that she won't be eligible for extra help... I know there's so much demand for it at the moment.

Mona if school feel she's not coping then there's no reason for her not to be referred on
Do you have friends,or a bubble with anyone?
I am effectively a single parent,dad has never lived with us and his MH means he is unreliable(wasn't as bad in the early years) .3 of my 4 are still at home so I understand how hard it can be
Has she always fretted about everyone else's behaviour or was it initially just her own?how does she self soothe?
It's "funny" how many parents have discovered between 11-13 that mild anxiety has given way to something else(just based on observations in this thread).i do wonder if hormones are impacting things

As I say to many who join us- post as little or as often as you wish.we don't always have answers but there's never any shortage of support/understanding

Has everyone else's DC settled back into school?are they better or worse for it?

Welcome Mona. Difficult bedtimes are a common theme on here.

If school can't manage DD's needs and DD can't cope you should apply for an EHCP. Follow up telephone conversations with emails so you have written evidence. The school shouldn't be calling you to collect early because they can't cope. That is an illegal exclusion.

Does DD struggle with anything else? A cope of points could indicate ASD which can present differently in girls to the stereotypical view.

Zoo as well as hormones, I think part of it is social interactions and expectations become more complex in preteen years. Many can't keep up with the demands, couple with society being less forgiving than with younger DC.

DS2 is loving being back. DS3 is finding reacclimatising difficult. He's pleaded to stay at home a few mornings and isn't back in the classroom full time due to finding it overwhelmingly noisy.

How are yours coping?

DS is Not Coping.withdrawn.snappy then tearful as he hates being cross.isnt able to follow simple one sentence instructions reliably.the only available teacher for online currently is shielding(and D's hates him as constantly asks questions during new work about what DS thinks might be a factor/answer and ds gets very frustrated he's not able to answer as hasn't learnt about it yet(hazarding a guess isn't something he grasps well).we have had a couple of leaving lessons early and he's very miserable.his tutor rang me yesterday and has secured 30 minutes Monday and Tuesday to read to him As he did in lockdown which D's liked as his tutor is very nice/calming etc
Dd2 is not re engaging well online.ger motivation is variable.her anxiety is so bad there's no chance being in school even on reduced timetable.be glad once we had next camhs app(1st April) and they have the details of her daily struggles (we doing a week diary currently with issues,strategies used,if they work,thoughts and feelings.itsexstensive as so many elements are upsetting her).I'm not happy it's taken near 4 months from last support but this is camhs we are talking about...
Lil zoo has had 2 days off this week from doing 2 lessons.dizzy we'd,IBS yesterday.shes eating very erratically.i Rang ED team for advice over dizzy spell and her app for assessment came forward from end June to next thursday
I'm very tired.its full on with all 3 at mo.grateful for daylight earlier and birdsong and that when sun does pop out for a bit there's some heat in it.clinging to these "good things" helps hold me up a bit.im having panic attacks in the evenings so clearly I need to be doing more to support me but it's finding the time!

I hope you don't mind if I join.

I have three kids, DD1(8), DS1(7) and DD2(4).

They've really been through the mill this year. Covid, then we moved school in September, house in October and then country, school and house in Feb.

Here we are on blended learning, and I think we'll stay that way until September. It's rubbish, not the teachers fault, but any fun has been sucked out of school.

DS has anxiety and the country move has pushed him to his limits. He's aggressive, angry, violent, tearful, and just lost.

He has a tic of clearing his throat, which has reappeared with a vengeance. We've had school refusals all over the place.

We've had a lot of ADHD type hyper symptoms develop which are pretty new.

Child Psychologist we saw in 2019 thinks he has ASD traits but not sufficient for a diagnosis.

I suspect a bit of oppositional defiance type symptoms so I'm trying to use those parenting techniques.

We move into our house tomorrow (been stuck in a hotel for 6 weeks) and I'm hoping that calms things down. He'll have his bedroom back and some order can be restored.

Even DD1 is struggling this time, she usually loves school but the social distancing rules just make it all so dull.

I'm at the end of my tether, and not dealing with it well at all.

We've had to ban all tech as it was creating major problems with DS.

sunshine welcome
I'm not surprised stress levels are high all round with so much going on.which country are you in now lovely?(as we have a fab poster with excellent knowledge of u.k support available etc)
Have you any family or friends in country you in now?
Living in a hotel must've been very hard and agree a home if your own will add some sense of grounding,familiarity and security for everyone
Will be thinking of you moving in today
Please feel free to come back anytime

Welcome Sunshine. With all the upheaval it's not surprising you are all struggling. Hopefully once settled in your new home things will become easier. It's important to look after yourself - you can't help DC if you don't look after yourself.