Would any one like to join in an anxiety support thread?

[Heatherandmoss]

I’ve seen lots of posts recently about people having a bad time with their anxiety and I thought an on going thread might be good do people can bob on and offer and receive support, share tips and just generally empathise with some one going through the same thing.

I’ve had anxiety since I was about ten ( I realised after my psychiatrist was able to help me pin point my earliest memory of it)

I think there is a bit of misconception of anxiety as some people think it’s just general worry - but it’s not.

When my anxiety rears her head it’s so physical. I sweat, my face can go numb, pains in my chest. I have a feeling like some one is kicking my front door in and I’m scared for my life and I could just be hoovering. Anxiety jolts me awake when I’m asleep and it rolls down my body like thunder. It makes me catastrophize at 3am and my feet start rubbing against each other ( weird) My anxiety makes me walk in to the kitchen with my kids empty dinner plates and suddenly feel so so over whelmed I struggle for breath and tears leak out in a gasp of raw emotion - all done silently so my kids can’t hear me.

I’ve had to give up drinking alcohol because Jesus the anxiety the next day was shocking and lasted days until I suddenly stepped out the anxiety room.

My anxiety has been bad since November as I’ve got some things going and I’m worried my heart is going to pack in because of the extra ‘thud thud thud’ overtime it’s being doing!

Exercise does help me take the edge of sometimes. I nearly went to the GP the other day as it was rotten but at this moment of time I need to be switched on.

Today has not been to bad. I’m considering it a win.

So I’ve you’d like to join in or have some where to say ‘holy fuck it’s bad today’ hopefully more people will be here and you will know some one knows how bad your feeling.

Hi SingToTheSky, good luck sorting things out with your doctor.
I've just been for a walk. It's completely wiped me out, so not much chance of a productive day!
Meeting someone for a walk tomorrow, so hoping to have a better day and get some chores done over the weekend.

I went for a walk too. DH was taking the 3yo out for a bit but I knew I wouldn’t relax at home as the older ones were watching anime together and wouldn’t want to go out, so we left them home (not done that before) and I thought I’d be better off going outside with company. I too am totally wiped now despite not walking far or fast.

Anxiety is exhausting in itself isn’t it.

Yeah, definitely. How many children do you have? It's just me and my 18 year old DD.

I have girls 13 and 3, and a boy 11. The older two are both autistic, diagnosed after me, currently trying to get adhd assessments for both as well. Life is exhausting. 😳

Aww, that must be hard. Do you have autism and adhd? Have your children had a school place because of their autism?
I only realised that I was autistic a few months ago when doing CBT. My life finally made sense. It was such a relief. Just frustrating waiting for diagnosis.

Yeah I was diagnosed autistic about 5 years ago and adhd in 2019. The waiting lists are awful aren’t they! I’m glad the realisation has helped you though.

The kids were both home educated for a few years, their needs were just not met in school at all. Poor DD1 finally decided she was ready to try again, she joined year 8 in December 2019 and had precisely one term of normal school before covid struck :( she was allowed full time school after about a month of lockdown, but that was because at the time we were on an early help plan, thus “vulnerable”. She shouldn’t really have a place now but she goes to the support centre for mornings only, she can only cope with 3 though as it’s so different. There is a much bigger workload this time too which has put a strain on all of us - she needs a huge amount of support due to her processing difficulties. DS is still happily home ed, lockdown 1 was actually really good for his education as we got into a great routine, but the last couple of months have felt really hard again, we are all unmotivated and just want to relax on screens all the time, so I have a lot of guilt about that too.

I’ve been feeling so pensive today, just sad and hopeless tbh and trying to think of how to change things when it all feels totally impossible. It’s like there are a load of things that might make life a bit easier long term but we are far too overwhelmed already to actually put any of them in place. I keep thinking about starting a thread about that but there’s so much in my head I can’t put it into words.

Does anyone ever just want to run away?

A life time of it, got worse in the last 15 years. I’m just so beyond sick of this.

Please may I join? Been lurking on this board for a while. I have GAD, low mood/ moderate depression (depends who you ask), and I'm dyspraxic. No kids. The anxiety has only been really bad for about a year or so, but it's bloody draining. CBT was worse than useless but I'm on meds now and trying integrative therapy, which has been good so far. Anyone else find it tricky to work out where the neurodiverse stuff stops and the anxiety starts?

Absolutely arse :( I would do anything to escape right now. The responsibility is just absolutely swamping me and I feel like even being spoken to is painful most days, I must be horrible to be around. I try not to be grumpy but then it just builds up all day anyway.

Hi rosa welcome! I’ve not heard of integrative therapy. I get what you mean about the neurodiverse stuff, it’s so tangled up in everything else. TBH at the moment I think lockdown is getting mixed up in it too. It’s just added a whole layer of stress to everything!

Hi Rosa, I know what you mean about CBT. I found the constant analysing painful and it just didn't make sense. The only thing that I got out of it was being referred for autism. What's integrative therapy?

I think for autistic people, anxiety is just a part of them. I remember being quite a anxious child. Stuff like the pandemic, work stress and financial stress add to the anxiety that is already there in the background.

CBT can be really unhelpful for autistic/ADHD folk. I have heard so many people say it made them feel worse because they couldn’t change their thought patterns - which stemmed from being wired differently.

I have found elements useful at times, however Acceptance Commitment Therapy (sounds really hippy but totally isn’t) is proving much better for me. It’s a shame that the NHS is aaaaall about the CBT. My therapist mostly does ACT and she often finds people get worried about the approach. As when you first hear that you aren’t actually aiming to get rid of your unwanted thoughts, it sounds so wrong. She was surprised I was ok with it but I’d already had some experience with mindfulness etc.

Sometimes trying to challenge and change your thoughts isn’t so helpful, I find it better to just observe and accept them.

For example on the bus (pre covid) I would get really anxious if I needed to sit on the priority seating due to having a bad day with my fibro. I don’t look sick at all so was always paranoid people would berate me or judge me. Then I’d get in this spiral of being angry at myself for being paranoid and trying to argue with myself over why it was bound to be fine etc. Once I stopped that and just accepted that it was something I worried about I actually coped much better.

My therapist often says about holding my anxiety. I channeled that this evening when I had been sitting around feeling stuck but I finally remembered I wasn’t going to feel less anxious, but I could do my form filling WITH the anxiety instead of trying to get rid of it.

None of that is meant to sound smug or patronising btw, clearly it’s a work in progress and I am mega struggling ATM, but any little win is a win!

I’ve had 3 rounds of CBT. It changed nothing. It helped me understand my condition but changed nothing.

I’m on the waiting list for pyschotherapy now. Don’t know what that involves.

IME it should be much more client led and encompasses your whole life rather than just thought patterns. I have always preferred a more holistic approach TBH as if I’m talking about my negative thoughts I really want to understand and explain WHY I have them, not just try to change them. CBT is generally much more about the here and now but for me it’s important to trace the now back to its roots, whether that’s an autism/ADHD related root or an abuse/parenting/previous experience related root.

Being able to do that in ACT (I’m not actually sure if that’s part of the model, but my therapist is very client centred anyway even if she would say her focus is ACT) has been extremely validating for me and I’m now finding I don’t need to do it as much, as I already understand where a lot of my thoughts come from and I’m more ready to work on accepting them and moving forward.

Interesting to hear other people's experiences of CBT, I'm sorry it's been crap for a lot of you too. Maybe it is an ND thing, maybe we're just not wired right for it to work. Integrative therapy is just a type of psychotherapy where the therapist is trained in a few different methods/ theories and uses them as appropriate. It's mostly talking about what might have caused problems at the root of various anxiety-related things in the past/ childhood. Somehow they dig out things you didn't even know were there. Arse I expect yours will be similar, it's draining and hard work at first but in a good way ime.

That sounds great rosa - I wonder if my therapist would actually describe her method like that. It really appeals to me the way she isn’t tied to one method and just goes where I need to.

I’m quite interested in the ideas behind client centred therapy a la Rogers as a way the therapist should be, I learned a bit more about it doing my counselling course and it just felt instinctively right IYSWIM.

I found EDMR quite helpful

It's interesting all the different types of therapy. Especially the more unusual ones like art therapy and cold therapy.
I hope that the counselling I start on Friday helps me 🤞
I've felt so flat this weekend. Done a very short walk today and made some cookies.
Work is my life. I really don't know what to do with myself.

I’ve wondered about things like art therapy as a potential career one day. But I want to do the basic psychology/counselling but first.

DH might be having EMDR, he’s seeing a psychologist on Thursday (same day that we also have CAMHS for DS... aaaargh)

Sorry you feel crap loki :( it must be really hard to adjust without work.

I’m having a slightly better day today - I suddenly realised after I’d been tidying/doing general housework for an hour that... I’d actually been doing stuff. I haven’t felt so anxious and overwhelmed and was able to just get on with what needed doing. Still a drop in the ocean but the fact I was able to decide what to do and actually do it is definitely a good sign, so I hope that means I’ve adjusted to the meds a bit

Glad you're having a better day. It's great when you can get on with things. I visited a friend and had a door step chat for a few minutes. Felt almost human again! I just feel like such a useless lump. My daughter is doing the cleaning and preparing meals today. What's my purpose? I'm so lost.

Joining very late to this thread. Sorry to hear you are all struggling as I am.
Anxiety since teens. Now 50 and suspect perimenopausal (or actual menopause?) on top.
Had CBT 3 times and it didn't help me.

I came back to bed at lunch time just paralysed by it all. Stuck, as someone else said.
I had EMDR for a specific PTSD event and it did help. But this is everyday life for me now. I also have Long Covid and rarely go out.
Today is a bad day for me. Luckily my DH and DS are great.
I'm just so fed up of being scared of everything and dreading everything!

Good to hear you're having a better day SingToTheSky

Wildthingsinthenight - sorry to hear that you are struggling. You sound like you have a lot going on. Glad to hear that you have some support.
Could you get out for a short walk with your family? I walk every day. That's kind of the easy bit. I struggle being indoors for long periods, especially if my DD is with her dad. I need routine but struggle to organize an empty day. Feels like there are too many hours.

‘Scared of everything’ yep yep, absolutely. I’m 57 and yet l was so determined and brave when l was younger. I don’t know where this scared old lady has come from😮. I agree the menopause made it worse. And yet the only physical symptoms l ever get is a clenched stomach and teeth and breathlessness. I never shake or tremble, or even get palpitations. I just get the fear. Big time.