Meeting to discuss my 'care plan' was cr@p

[PhoenixSoaring]

The meeting I have been dreading finally happened this morning. All the different people involved in my care in one room, with me and dh, to discuss what to do with me next.

I expected to be humiliated. But I wasnt. But the meeting was so ineffectual that I left wondering what the hell it was all about. Basically everyon talked a bit about how they see me and my illness. And my consultant asked 'how I was'. I told the truth (which was pretty frank and honest, ie no different from before my breakdown a few months ago).

Then before I knew it, the meeting ended and nothing has changed.

I have spent the day drifting about. I spent 2 hours walking in the park. My suicidal ideations are stronger than ever. I feel such a hopeless, helpless case and that they cant even organise a care plan to suit me.

I dont know why I writing all this. I will probably be cross questioned. But I suppose I wanted to get it off my chest and no one was online on msn.

Oh Phoenix How did DH view the meeting? Can he chase people up for you to get a definitive plan?

In the meantime, keep coming in here to us xx

hi lilred (scared of your Halloween name!)

dh was the first to say what a waste of time it had been. Unfortunately though he really doesnt hav time to be chasing people up - he has had to take so much time off work already this summer.

I just feel so flat. And desperate for a drink (okay, I know I will get shouted at for even mentioning that) but I really dont know how else to deal with it

You won't get shouted at unless you follow through with it . Keep chatting on here and then tomorrow phone the most effective/approachable person from the meeting and explain that you are unsure how you will going forwards and what the plan actually is.

I dont know what more there is to say really. I feel like there no hope of me ever feeling even slightly better - and if that is the case, what's the point in living?

Plase don't say that Phoenix. Is your DH at home with you now?

sorry if I offended you lilred. But I am just telling it like it is. No, dh is at work. I am not alone in the house. Our nanny is downstairs with the children.

hi im here if you wann achat

You haven't offended me at all. I just worry about you. I need to go out in a minute but am here now if you want to keep chatting.

i know what you mean when i was signed off from my cpn i got worse and worse and i felt no one was taking me seriously it was such a hard place to be in

hi dressedup (less scary Halloween name!)

I am okay just now. I am not about to slit my wrists. But I am bl&&dy pi&&ed off with trying to live with this damn mental health problem that no one wants to take seriously

Hi PS, I'm sorry the meeting was so crap for you, can you not just tell someone that when you ring them. You know sort of, Well that really didn't achieve anything and I need help or I'l breakdown again??

I think the brutal honesty is the way to go because noone can help you if you hide how you are feeling.

Right - have got to go (I promise I will change my name back soon ) as DH needs to collect his car from the garage and wants a lift! I will see you both in the teashop tomorrow, bright and early!

xxx

Have they actually diagnosed you with a mental health disorder then??

I've never had a CPN - I dont qualify apparently

Sorry - didn't see you there BoM - hi & bye!

Hi PhoenixSoaring, I love youe name, it sounds so positive.

I don't know if you have always been using this name, but I've never really seen it about before so I don't know your 'history'.

I'm sorry you feel worthless Are you on any medication? It sounds as if you have a lovely supportive husband & you also have kids, surely this alone is good enough reason to try & struggle through?

I had slight depression for years & then again after childbirth, just a little, not enough to know how you feel, but just wanted to add a msg of support for you xo

What is a CPN??

Hi red, bye..........

i so understand how you feel there is nothing worse than no one listening or not wanting to listen

its so very hard but im here if you want to talk

have you got a cpn ?

are they easier to use as a go between than the consultant did you make notes or get to disuss what the ongoing plan was ?

are you feeling unheard or confused as to where this is leading

PS used to be naswm/losty

BOM I have been brutally honest - that's the frightening thing!!!

and yes, I have been diagnosed with various personality disorders (or affects, as they seem to be refered to nowadays) plus I have and eating disorder and am an alcoholic. Oh and I suffer with depression from time to time.

What mental health disorder have they diagnosed you with Phoenix? What's CPN?

The worst thing about your state of mental health (IME) is that you are completely unable to imagine feeling any better or to be able to compare how you are feeling now to last week/month.

I feel a huge amount better than I did 6-7 years ago but still have periods of time that are absolutely awful. I have now accepted I will never be the person I was before it all kicked off.

TBH I could never tell when things had improved it's always been a long time later looking retrospectively that I could see that I was in fact improved IFYSWIM. Several months is actually a short time in which to expect any significant improvement - absolutely horrendous experience for the person concerned.

Sorry I don't know your circumstances, hope I haven't offended you. Please have courage to give yourself time, and that of your team - the NHS wheels grind very slowly.......

a cpn is a community pyschiatric nurse

omg i had one when my lo was born due to my family history i saw her most weeks til she was 6mo and before all my troubles started

oh dear now I cant keep up with the posts, grrrrrrrrr sorry - hi to new posters (I am not new on MN, but PhoenixSoaring was the name 'chosen' by mnetters for me when I came back on mn after my breakdown. I used to be losty and before that naswm.