Meeting to discuss my 'care plan' was cr@p

[PhoenixSoaring]

The meeting I have been dreading finally happened this morning. All the different people involved in my care in one room, with me and dh, to discuss what to do with me next.

I expected to be humiliated. But I wasnt. But the meeting was so ineffectual that I left wondering what the hell it was all about. Basically everyon talked a bit about how they see me and my illness. And my consultant asked 'how I was'. I told the truth (which was pretty frank and honest, ie no different from before my breakdown a few months ago).

Then before I knew it, the meeting ended and nothing has changed.

I have spent the day drifting about. I spent 2 hours walking in the park. My suicidal ideations are stronger than ever. I feel such a hopeless, helpless case and that they cant even organise a care plan to suit me.

I dont know why I writing all this. I will probably be cross questioned. But I suppose I wanted to get it off my chest and no one was online on msn.

no - but apparently there is a benefit that my dh can claim, sonething about having a dependent partner with mental health problems???

but talking of disability, it is dh who really shoudl be registered, but he is too proud to fill out the forms

God ps, what a fecking nightmare they have been (the so called care people that is).

I've been suffering with anxiety and depression on and off for 4 years now and its only been this weekend where my Midwife has stepped in and has contacted a Physciatrist for me.
Before this, I have had nothing.

So I can kind of relate a bit to you.

How have you been today, apart from the nanny bombshell?

hi - sorry to hear that. I have been pretty low today - and am now drinking to blot out feelings

Oh nooooo.
I dont do telling offs though. I'll leave that for someone else

I know you have an eating disorder but you know when you have like a non eating day, can you just snack instead? Or do you not want to eat at all?

when I am not eating, I am not eating

tonighyt I ate something with my dh, as I had coooked for him. But I havent eaten anything else today

hi (finally got on)

you have done so well ps. i fully understand the daunting feeling of going one day at a time, bloody hell its hard enough to see yourself through the next hour let alone a day.

cant say much more here but we will talk ok?

here all evening if you need me x

how are u today phoenix

I know I'm crap at being supportive which is why I don't do it but I do think about you

MN crashed on me last night so I switched the pc off. This morning I am okay. ish. DS1 has a hospital appt with his surgeon re his bowel problems. I am going to try to force myself to go swimming after I have taken him into school. I know the exercise does me good when I make the effort.

I'llbe back later, no doubt

PSx

Sorry I had to disappear last night PS. I hope you enjoyed your swim!

could you consider having an au pair rather than a nanny?

hello

I pushed myself too hard swimming and have hurt my neck

dont know difference between nanny and au pair

I am feeling sooooooooo horrible this evening. Well since my swim actually. Horrible as in suicidal. I hate it. I have done so many things to push the thoughts from my mind but they are rife. I am trying to busy myself on the internet atm in the hope they will go away

I am not alone in the house. dh is home. But I cant bring myself to talk to him. He knows something is wrong because I am 'hiding'

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh

shall we discuss the differeces to take your mind away from it.

Au pairs live in and you may them pocket money about £60 per week I believe but they only work about 4-5 hours per day (I think) and shouldn't have sole charge of pre-school children for hours at a time. They are more of a mothers help IYSWIM

Will be lots of other people that could tell you about them on the nannies/CM/au pair thread

thanks cargirl - we have no room for live in...

can't you shovel all your children intogether? I have no idea how cramped you are but we usually have 3 dds sharing so it's kind of normal to us.

Hi Phoenix. Personal question, you don't have to answer.

What kind of thoughts? Can you give a running commentry (edited if you wanted to do it...)

thank you but I am going to hide under my duvet

I was just wondering...sorry if it was too personal...

ally please dont think I hid because of what you said. Not at all. I just needed some time away.

({{{{}}}}

Good to see you again PS!

{{{{{{{{{PS}}}}}}}}}

It's a big, never ending, downward spiral.

family history here of manic depression/schizophrenia, but no help from gp, just ad's

I understand about the not eating bit, I just don't want to. I don't drink, as I can't, due to liver problems.

It is so hard to explain to anyone how you feel. If you could describe it, you would understand it yourself.

sorry, real mad waffle here. Sometimes this is the only place you can let it all go.

Oh good! Glad your back.

How are things for you today? (whichever today that is)

hi again
today is saturday. I spent all yesterday evening and night in A&E flolloiwin am overdose. Now I a,m just pissed off to be alive today

haven't been following your thread but just wanted to say hope you are okay and maybe now you'll get the care you need?

Or more to the point (seeing as I know PS a bit better than some of you) maybe dh will now realise the seriousness of your situation?

I am sorry PS. Again. Have said sorry already on email.

hi

sorry to hear you've had a horrible time

not a great deal I can say...presumably they have sent you home? It really doesn't feel great whatever you do does it...

hugs xx