This is a pointless life

[inuet]

No enjoyment, no socialising, FB groups full of Coronaqueens telling people to "stay safe" and "it's ok to.find it hard, it is hard".
British government and the Daily Mail brigade utterly useless and now celebrating end of freedom of movement. Months more of not being able to do anything just getting more and more pissed off. My local community has turned into a vipers nest of curtain twitchers and sanctimonious busybodies. The longer this goes on the more life lost and the more pointless it seems carrying on when life is just an endless load of crap.

I really don’t see how posting to say ‘we will never get back to normal’ is helpful or kind in this instance. No need for it either. I don’t even know what posters mean when they say this, and it’s almost always posted in a superior tone as though they are privy to something no one else is.

It’s really hard OP. When I had therapy my therapist told me that trying to compare how you feel (ie it could be worse because x,y,z is worse than what I’m dealing with) is actually very toxic long term and ends up damaging your mental health further. You’re allowed to feel how you feel and not have to justify or apologise for it - it is what it is.
And the way posters trot around the word resilience is annoying too, resilience isn’t putting on an endless brave face. It’s feeling whatever you feel, getting it out of your system and still going ahead and dealing with things as best you can. And people have different levels of being able to cope, just like people have different pain thresholds or different thresholds for spicy foods. We aren’t all the same.

This year has been like no other we’ve lived through. I think it’s totally normal to feel lost and afraid, sad at what has been taken from you, relieved if it hasn’t affected you and your loved ones personally yet. It’s not a competition.

It saddens me on here when I see how quick people are to turn on each other and try to one up each other. Fortunately I’m seeing the opposite in real life.

Yes it is shit. In fact my life was shit before lockdown too. We had a whole year of increased issues with dd which COVID didn't help as we were unable to access any support. Still getting bugger all support but not going to go there.
Christmas Day was especially miserable for me. I spent the morning preparing a Christmas Dinner which due to Mental Health one child ate away from us. The youngest is also struggling probably due to undiagnosed SEN wouldn'teven eat it.
Not one person expressed any gratitude for the meal or offered to do washing up I spent an hour in the kitchen bawling my eyes out.
My marriage is essentially over. I am struggling to be in the same room as (d)h right now let alone the same bed.
Incidentally most people even friends dont even know this.
So after bawling my eyes out I had a bath and a nap and than went for a walk. I felt better for a while anyway.
I think that is what people are suggesting . I love travel, concerts and spending time with other family members etc which I can't do. However I can do other stuff like put some music on a dance or go for a walk or shock horror make a hot chocolate. Scrub that. Not the same as a live concert but it helps.
I have had to step away from social media yesterday as it was full of people having or pretending to have a lovely day with their families.
I think we all should realise that on an anonymous forum no one knows what life is like for the poster so we should all try and be kind. After all some of my friends don't even know about my struggles
Inciddntally that means all posters including op.

This thread has been v difficult to read, I don't understand why people felt the need to tell OP to essentially pull her socks up, OP is reaching out, is this not a form of resilience?

Remember the 'it's okay not to be okay' movement? Someone not being okay can look v different to someone else's not okay, its not a competition.

OP, things are shit, regardless of anyone saying 'its not that bad' , I can only imagine those privileged enough to genuinely feel things are okay rn have buffers which placate the wider world, or perhaps their lives haven't changed much. And that's okay, as long as they are aware of the wider context.

I am in Scotland, we are T4 from today, schools not going back after Christmas until at least 18 January. I am almost disassociated from what is happening. I spoke to my Nanna about the comparison of covid and WW2. In many ways these events are of course incomparable, however, what she did say was then there was a feeling of community, people hugging and kissing, whereas rn, we are like islands, like people in the street view each other as just a possible source of disease.

I think do whatever you can to feel better, however that looks.

@Eckhart

And you don't think from reading the OPs posts that there is a good chance that she is depressed

Depressed people can still help themselves, and many, many do, by seeking help and support. It's not unhelpful to suggest that a person take responsibility for themselves, even if they do have depression.

If you can't be kind or supportive, fuck off somewhere else and leave her alone. Nasty spiteful little bullies

OP has been very unpleasant to PPs, fairly consistently. And you're being pretty abusive yourself. Why does everybody except yourself and OP have to be kind and supportive?

Have you ever been depressed some depressed people don't have the energy !!!! I was depressed last year worse time of my life then covid hit!!! I am totally with OP as I feel the same and you know what ? I am allowed to ...

Wholeheartedly agree @inuet

I don’t see the point of stopping living just to not be dead.

Aberforthsgoat: resilience isn’t putting on an endless brave face. It’s feeling whatever you feel, getting it out of your system and still going ahead and dealing with things as best you can. And people have different levels of being able to cope, just like people have different pain thresholds or different thresholds for spicy foods. We aren’t all the same. This year has been like no other we’ve lived through. I think it’s totally normal to feel lost and afraid, sad at what has been taken from you, relieved if it hasn’t affected you and your loved ones personally yet. It’s not a competition.

This is an excellent post. Thank you.

I have had a really terrible few years. This year, on top of everything else I had to have open heart surgery (a month in hospital because of complications, with no visitors), was diagnosed with heart failure, had to take ill health retirement so I lost my new job that I loved and my business which I had built from scratch in the last three years. It has been dreadful. Not as dreadful as some, worse than others.

However, as Aberforths says, it isn’t a competition. What we need is compassion, understanding and acceptance. It is a huge demand though and unless you’re a saint we’ll all have times when we are frustrated, angry and want to lash out.

@waterlego

Frankly, a lot of people don't seem to have the inner reserves necessary to cope with a major downturn in the quality of life. And that's indicative of the shallow consumerism of the late 20th century. We don't all cope in the same way. Some people have more resilience than others and that's just a fact of life. Work on your resilience the best way you can, or collapse in a heap. Those are the choices. We have lived in the most incredibly fortunate and wonderful era and now it's less so

This, with bells on.

ODFOD.

@Spiratedaway

Have you ever been depressed some depressed people don't have the energy !!!! I was depressed last year worse time of my life then covid hit!!! I am totally with OP as I feel the same and you know what ? I am allowed to

Yes, you are. Just as the rest of us are allowed to feel and respond as we wish. The difference is, you are responding abusively and telling people what to do. However depressed you are, it's not ok to tell people to 'fuck off'. I hope OP finds a way to feel better, and I hope you find a way to deal with your abject rage - it can't be helping you, and feeling so angry about what strangers post on the internet must be horrible.

I never feel like it's pointless but I do feel bogged down and really miss certain aspects of life.

It's been hard for me as I havent been able to see my family abroad and video calls have become a bit tedious, especially as there isn't much to talk aboit/share. Everyone is leading a fairly monotonous life.

Hopefully this time next year this will be history.

Judging from your response you probably think people will are unhappy, dissatisfied or depressed actively choose to be that way.

No. I have depression and anxiety myself which have been with me for a very long time. Am on SSRIs currently and have been for the last 6 years. The medication is a huge help, but I also recognise that I have a role to play in helping to treat my MH condition through the things I do.

Would you consider medication OP?

@Wrongsideofhistorymyarse

No lovey, I won’t.

The sneering on this post is actually gobsmacking me and that’s from someone who’s been on MN for 6 years.

My god.

What the hell i'm I meant to do with a 14 year old and 3 year old in this bloody weather whilst I still have to work as a nurse and my dh is also a keyworker?

@mrsswayze your dc will get a school/nursery place from the 6th (or whatever day your LA was meant to return) so you just continue with your previous plans. School will still be open as normal for vulnerable/essential worker children

[quote Eckhart]@Spiratedaway

Have you ever been depressed some depressed people don't have the energy !!!! I was depressed last year worse time of my life then covid hit!!! I am totally with OP as I feel the same and you know what ? I am allowed to

Yes, you are. Just as the rest of us are allowed to feel and respond as we wish. The difference is, you are responding abusively and telling people what to do. However depressed you are, it's not ok to tell people to 'fuck off'. I hope OP finds a way to feel better, and I hope you find a way to deal with your abject rage - it can't be helping you, and feeling so angry about what strangers post on the internet must be horrible.[/quote]
Not sure how I am being abusive I have not sworn or been aggressive please don't throw that one at me

[quote Eckhart]@Spiratedaway

Have you ever been depressed some depressed people don't have the energy !!!! I was depressed last year worse time of my life then covid hit!!! I am totally with OP as I feel the same and you know what ? I am allowed to

Yes, you are. Just as the rest of us are allowed to feel and respond as we wish. The difference is, you are responding abusively and telling people what to do. However depressed you are, it's not ok to tell people to 'fuck off'. I hope OP finds a way to feel better, and I hope you find a way to deal with your abject rage - it can't be helping you, and feeling so angry about what strangers post on the internet must be horrible.[/quote]
Please read my responses I have not told anyone to fuck off or have been agresssive

@Spiratedaway

I'm sorry, I think I mixed you up with somebody else. Busy thread!

[quote Eckhart]@Spiratedaway

I'm sorry, I think I mixed you up with somebody else. Busy thread![/quote]
That's ok I would not be abusive like that

The issue wasn’t that the OP wasn’t allowed
To feel her feelings and be sad etc etc. The OP simply did NOT want to hear anything in contrast. I get that the OP doesn’t want to feel invalidated but by responding to other
messages calling them “drivel”, it’s quite clear she does not want to take responsibility for her feelings at all, or take on any helpful suggestions.

I have family members who have severe mental illness. I am not lacking in compassion. My uncle is bipolar so he has a regime that although won’t cure his manic depression, will certainly help keep psychotic episodes at bay. For example, making sure he gets enough sleep, (big one for him) going for walks daily etc etc.
He is not completely powerless to change the way that he feels, and he accepts that. The advice he has taken from MH professionals to increase his own resilience has kept him out of hospital for many years now. We are not allowed to say that word on mumsnet though. Resilience is a dirty word on here.

The OP thinks life is pointless and we are giving up our civil liberties. I think that’s over catastrophising things personally.
I could

understand it if we were further down the road, but we are one year into a pandemic.

O n e Y e a r!!!

And that is shit. Very shit indeed.
But not pointless.

@Northernsoulgirl45

You have summed it up perfectly. I hope you have a better 2021.

[quote Eckhart]@Spiratedaway

Have you ever been depressed some depressed people don't have the energy !!!! I was depressed last year worse time of my life then covid hit!!! I am totally with OP as I feel the same and you know what ? I am allowed to

Yes, you are. Just as the rest of us are allowed to feel and respond as we wish. The difference is, you are responding abusively and telling people what to do. However depressed you are, it's not ok to tell people to 'fuck off'. I hope OP finds a way to feel better, and I hope you find a way to deal with your abject rage - it can't be helping you, and feeling so angry about what strangers post on the internet must be horrible.[/quote]
I wonder if anyone is going to help you with your sneering judgement and lack of empathy, Eckhart?

I’ve seen no “sneering” judgement from Eckhart?
@southeastdweller? You’ve also missed the point.
The OP does not want to be helped. She dismissed help as drivel. The OP wants to wallow.

@southeastdweller

I wonder if anyone is going to help you with your sneering judgement and lack of empathy, Eckhart

Did you have a point to make or did you just come to goad? You demonstrate exactly what you insult.

Resilience is a dirty word on here

Yes, I was surprised by the thread on that, which equated it with chillyness, harshness and emotional repression.

To be it is none of those things. It is about developing the coping mechanisms and attitude to meet setbacks and disasters and set about dealing with them. Venting about how crap an event makes you feel can be part of those coping mechanisms. Dwelling on it is, however, considerably less likely to help in the slightest.

I have every sympathy for when people find things tough, including those who get a bit stuck and cannot work out their way ahead. But less for those who will not even try to find a way through.

@mrsswayze

So you’ve had the covid vaccine? but there you are saying “what’s the point” I can only go food shopping, and that’s hardly fun.

Wow, a first world problem right there. Have you no insight in to how incredibly entitled this sounds? We are one of the first countries in the world to vaccinate, but what’s the point? Can only go and get food....... just wow. Do you not feel grateful that you have been able to have the vaccine before millions and millions of others?

I feel incredibly grateful of our scientists in this country.

Perhaps I shouldn’t talk about gratitude. Gets peoples backs up, like the word resilience does.

@AuntieStella

I have every sympathy for when people find things tough, including those who get a bit stuck and cannot work out their way ahead. But less for those who will not even try to find a way through

Quite. Especially when they insult others who try to help them find a way through.