I think im an alcoholic

[tyeanddye]

I only feel "normal"when im on the edge of being pissed.I cant seem to stop it.

i need some help for him,will see HV soon i guess.

DEMAND they start an assessment- most paeds take ages to assess (reports from everybody under the sun, so you end up on umpteen waiting lists...) so you may as well start the process ASAP.

Also, did the behaviours begin before the DV? if so, then I wonder whether www.bibic.org.uk could help? They're a charity for kids with SN but you dont need a diagnosis. It is worth contacting them as they begin by giving you a one hour chat for free, which helps them decide if they can offer you help. they also help with funding if necessary. they've been great with ds1 and ds3- esp. ds1 as he is the violent one, and they've worked with us on everything from restraint techniques to ewmtional development.

The abuse was always there,but hes always been different,very ocd,he would bite himself as a baby if i left the room.He cant keep still for more than 3 seconds,mum and i timed him as he was lying in bed,he cannot bear having his hair cut,itchy collars,sock seams,"strings" on bananas,loud noises/crying(unless its him)changes to his routine,bright sunlight....he has no threshold for frustration in any way shape or form,the phrase"wait a minute"may well as mean father christmas is dead for the devastation and distress it causes,he went apeshit last night cos he snapped the gun off his effing dalek,screamed for an hour and a half.i glued it and now hes lost interest anyway.
His father was only physically abusive after i learnt to resist the mental stuff and demand changes.it was mumsnet actually that pointed me toward womensaid 2 years or so ago,and i realised with a massive MASSIVE revelation that what was happening to me was DV,and that it wasnt my fault,and that it was very unlikey to improve.

dont read this if easily offended........

He once pinned me down,years ago,we had had a "row"he used to go to bed in a depression when we argued,when the DV first stared surfacing....horrible time,we had been so in love it was awful,he was living with me by then,i went to bed too,hed been shouting at me for hours and i was in bed trying not to cry,he shouted more when he made me cry.
He rolled on top of me and forced himself inside me,i could have stopped him if i had tried harder but was too intimidated,shocked etc...he used all of his 6ft1 weight on me,that was rape wasnt it?

I know it is really,im struggling now becuase i no longer live with him,its all seeping out,all the poison i swallowed and put away into boxes,just to continue to function.weve talked before lorayn?shall i cat you?

sure, or you can just email me, its fan-fkn-tastic @ hotmail . co .uk

Yes its rape, I was raped by an ex as well, although many years ago now- when I was 18. It takes a long time to accept that you can be raped by someone you simultaneously love. but you'd be amazed and scared how common it is too!

Rape crisis are good even years after, but they are geographical so you'd need to search by your locality.

Oh and you do get over it, eventually- but ime you need to accept it was rape, and to get angry first. It is a long journey.

he bullied me into sex too.coercion,i would submit for a quiet life,he would be all smiles and suggestive remarks,a fucked up version of flirting i guess.would be disgustingly attentive in bed too,then say "well it wasnt all that bad then was it"he made my skin crawl.

i only did it because if i was remotely negative or noncommittal he would get angry

You don't need to justify yourself tyeanddye- you seem to bear a lot of guilt for what this man did TO you.

Tyeanddye, that thread I linked you to previously is the drinker's thread. It's just on it's 3rd or fourth incarnation now, which goes to show you that you're not the only one suffering with this.

OK, you can't seem to stop. You said at the top of the thread that you thought you were an alcoholic. I think the most sensible next step for you would be contacting AA and seeing about going to a meeting. There's a poster on the thread who's doing really well now, and her whole story is on there. You may identify with some of how she feels.

Give them a call, because you need some support in all of this. AA members have ben where you've been (and worse) and will only want to help you when you're ready to that that step. helpline number

It's scary and daunting, but there's only one way to go for alcoholics, (we never get cured) and I know that you've fought so hard for your kids and to get away from EX-H. Don't let drink take it all away from you. We're over on the thread. Open up, it's a safe place, and we understand.

If you're unsure if you really are an alcoholic, try answering this

I wish you well and hope to see more of you on the thread.

Just caught up with this, Tyedye. I am so sorry you are still having such a rough time with your ex.

I am not sure I can advise on the alcohol side of things, but I know how easy it is to turn to drink to try & numb what you're going through. I drank too much towards the end of my marriage & in the stressful period where we were forced to live together after separation, but now don't drink anywhere near what I did.
kokeshi has offered some good advice & helpful contacts.

I am pleased you have found yourself a nice man now, but make sure you look after yourself.x

Thanks pc,x

just wanted to say hi tyedye and give you some {{{{{}}}}}

thanks phoenix,xxlovely name btw