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Original poster

What the hell is wrong with me?

61 replies

NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:02

I know some of you know I have had a hard week, and thank you again for all your support, but today I am like someone else. I can't bear the kids making noise. I keep having to ask/tell them things over and over and I feel like I am not quite there. Is this what happens in the early days after coming off tablets?

OP posts:
wildpatch · 07/10/2007 17:05

no idea nab. i'm completly the wrong person to advise. but if youve had a hard week anyways. and are off the tabs now. and it is a sunday, then sounds perfectly normal.

EllieG · 07/10/2007 17:08

When I was coming off mine I was like that. But then, I was sometimes like that anyway by the end of a weekend. Try and get some chill time if you can x

Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:16

Some hope. Every where I go the kids follow me. I said I was a bad mum at the tea table and they said I absolutely was not.
I think I am incompatible with this world. I just can't keep it together for more than 5 minutes.

I am definitely scared of being happy. When I am, it scares me as I am just not used to it.

It is hard being a Mum.

OP posts:
EllieG · 07/10/2007 17:28

Too bloody true. I am a step-mum and (hopefully if this one doesn't MC) a proper mum (and will be anyway as adopting my DSD) and is SO SO SO much harder than I thought it would be! And managing crap moods are even more difficult because children give you no time or space to come out of them. Perhaps take heart though if they think you are not rubbish, and maybe try believing them? I know it's hard to take notice of the good stuff cos the bad things seem more believable, but perhaps try?
My therapist tells me to practice making my internal dialogue a little kinder and more compassionate towards myself - maybe you could try doing the same?
Have you got anyone who can help you out with the children for a bit? How old are yours? If little is nearly end of day and in a few hours you will have some peace....

Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:33

No one to help. The kids are 2, 4 and 6. I love them so much but I am worn out.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 07/10/2007 17:45

hello nab3 - big Hugs take a deep breath, well deserved pat on the back, u deserve it. write down on a piece of paper 4 things you are good at/do well. sit down read it, remember this is a low period. sounds as if cognitively you recall the negatives rather than your many positives

Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:46

I am good at:
Shouting
Moaning
Worrying
Focusing on what may happen/bad things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:47

I want to cry but just don't have the energy.

OP posts:
Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:47

I want the old me back.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 07/10/2007 17:50

she is in there nab3
funny kind well observed sensitive

but hard as nails on herself, but probabl not others!!!

Original poster
NAB3 · 07/10/2007 17:59

Stop being so nice to me. I am awful. Nagged the poor kids most of the day.

Off to make up DS2's bed for the first time.

OP posts:
EllieG · 08/10/2007 10:01

How you feeling today nab?

Original poster
NAB3 · 08/10/2007 10:25

Thanks for asking.

Okay at the moment. Busy morning as loads of washing and tidying to do. Feel neglectful of the baby but he does tend to play on his own and ask me when he wants me to join in.

Still feel full of cold and tired but hoping for a good day.

OP posts:
Megglevampire · 08/10/2007 10:26

Why have you had a hard week NAB?

Original poster
NAB3 · 08/10/2007 10:32

Found out my Gran had died in March but no one told me.

Just come off AD's which is hard.

Never get a break from the kids and are full of cold and knackered. Sounds pathetic when I type it here.

OP posts:
Megglevampire · 08/10/2007 10:34

Oh gosh That is terrible. Who told you about it then? (if you don't mind me asking)

You need to get your dh to take the kids for you and a spa break is in order for you to recharge lady.

You sound like a lovely caring and sensitive mum BTW.

Original poster
NAB3 · 08/10/2007 10:41

Hardly.

I had a vicous letter from my mother and then nothing from March to the other week. I rang the hospital and then the registrar and the death certificate came last week.

OP posts:
Megglevampire · 08/10/2007 10:57

I'm really sorry that's awful.

You do care. If you were rubbish you would make such an effort and worry about what they eat, how they feel, if you're doing a good enough job or not.

I don't suffer from depression so I feel a bit useless saying anything but I couldn't not say anything when I read you posts.

pneumalifenewname · 08/10/2007 11:01

smile of recognition at the 'stop being nice to me' comment

I know positive stuff is hard to take when you know you've been wanky to the dc but if you don't try and ignore the wanky stuff and listen to the positives then what positives there are wind up being negated by your inability to accept they exist (iyswim) and then everythign just turns to, well, wamk really.

Hoping (but thinking you are) you're not one of the non-sweary people here. If so, sorry i said wanky.

Original poster
NAB3 · 08/10/2007 11:03

Not bothered about words like that. Seems to fit some how

OP posts:
pneumalifenewname · 08/10/2007 11:08

Come on Nab, back me up here - I'm trying to believe it too!

I'm sooooo blocking out the fact that I'm shouty, grumpy, stressy and don't play much with the dc at the moment. If I think about it too much I will NEVER be a good mummy again because the sense of my own failings will become my destiny I think. Is that how your mind is working right now?

What do you like doing with them that you can't now? Mine was baking so I reluctantly went and made flapjacks with them. I had to force myself to do it and only vaguely enjoyed it but I have used that one achievement to keep me propped up for the last 2 weeks. Might be time for some cornflake cakes this week but it'll be easier this time around.

Original poster
NAB3 · 08/10/2007 11:10

I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack. Being a mother is bloody hard work. You never get any time to yourself, or not enough. Permanemtly tired and thinking about the next thing to do. In my case go to school in 15 mins and get DD. The sad thing is I am happier about achieving quite a lot of domestic stuff than playing with the little one.

I was such a great nanny too....

OP posts:
EllieG · 08/10/2007 13:05

It's much easier when it's a job and someone else's children. I used to be fab when I was just working with them rather than having one with me all the time - cut yourself some slack nab, you sound like you are knackered and you're doing a good job x

ScottishMummy · 08/10/2007 13:56

righty nab3 thats one positive thing said three more to go babe!!! yes we do need to cut a big bitty slack, because usually you are hardest on self....so get scribling nab i want 3 more positives

it's ScottishMummy Bootcamp

xXxamyxXx · 08/10/2007 14:15

every mum gets cranky and naggy sometimes try and get a few hours to yourself to chill and try to stay positive you sound like a very caring person so stop putting yourself down