Exe ripped me off,and abuses me

[tyeanddye]

Mediation today,i walked out,i do all the driving for access so kids can see him,hes sitting there on a pot of gold telling me i have to get a mortgage and buy his kids a house,when hes got a massive chunk of capital,i got more,but not enough and cant afford a mortgage,i had an unencumbered house when we met,and 2 kids,now i have four and have to live at my mums in a mobile home

sorry if that seemed personal, just worried me when you said about drinking too much. Have you spoken to your doc though - sounds like you have way too much to cope with on your own.

gp knows the whole story,my 16 yr old is pals with his son...my son is also prone to depression because of it all,my doc said get us all out.then go for counselling,my little kids pine for their daddy,we coparented them from home

I feel like i removed them from a parent as important to them as i am,so guilty,because im still so beaten down and bloody guilt-wracked

I am carrying a very heavy load.......have a new relationship with a lovely man though,thank god

Hes gone mad,knows about my boyfriend,and has decided its been going on two years instead of the three months that it really has,hes interrogating the kids and freaking them out good and proper,will phone solicitor monday,he threw dd2s dolls pram back in the car cos he didnt want it in his house,she had picked out all the accessories etc so as to play with it at daddys house,he relented when she had a dicky fit

((((hug)))))
he is a wanker and does not desrve access to dc.you need to put your foot down now hun, and if he carries on ring the police....sorry but is your story the one were he broke your ds camera????

Oh tye, sweetheart, you can not let this carry on, I was in a very similar situation two years ago, I didnt try mediation, but I was always bending over backwards to get the kids to see their dad.

There comes a point when you have to say NO
Your children need a happy mummy and a calm, quiet life more than they need an abusive arsehole in their life.

Cancel all contact, go to the CSA or whoever re:child support. Tell your ex you are not willing to be abused by him anymore and that if he wants t see the children he must prove he is a worthy father, bumping uglies with you to make them does not equate the right to fuck up yours and their lives.

He may be as big a twunt as my ex, who now never bothers with his children, his mum has them around once a month, although I havent heard from her in 6 weeks(luckily she was on my side unlike your ex mil) or he may pull himself together and start being a responsible father, either way it is not your responsiblity to make sure he tries.

About te house, did you agree that he could have so much equity from it?? If not then I suggest getting advice froma solicitor, I know nothing about selling houses etc, so I cant help you there but surely he cant just take what he wants??

yes he broke my sons camera,and snatched my laptop off my son and smashed it because it beeped when he had just gone to bed........
he could have got half the house as we owned it jointly,i agreed what i did for the sake of selling up and getting out intact,i got so poorly i was self-harming and have permanent impairment in my hand as a result.i did my best,but i know we got shafted.

tye just stop all contact.you are never going to be rid of him if you dont put a stop to this now you will be forever in misery because he will not let you move forward

Liek I said, I dont know anything about houses, I didnt think that because both names were on paperwork it meant it could immediately be split half and half. AFAIK if one party could prove paying more (and not becasue of SAHM's etc) then the outcome could be different. Pity really.

I still think its time to tell him to clear off now though. You obviously love your children very much and I assume are trying to make the relationship with their father work for their sake, well for their sake you need to stop it. It isn't fair on them and it isn't fair on you.

I know hes bad for them when hes in one of his moods,but when he isnt,hes a devoted and loving daddy,yes,i can hear what you are thinking,but they miss him terribly

Hes gone crackers since he found out about my new fella,im struggling to cope now,very depressed,hes foul to me,then turns around to other people and is sweetness and light.Hes rewritten history so badly now,so he can blame,and hate,me.

you cannot sacrifice your happiness and let him constantly abuse you just because the kids miss him.....the day will come when he starts doing it to them,how will you feel when he does that????

will he though?everyone thinks what you do,but he adores them,and they him,i dont feel i can hurt them like that,our 7 yr old pines for his daddy severely as it is!

ive slashed contact with him,wont speak to,or see him,am applying for a restaining order of some form on the basis of mental cruelty.

(((((hug)))))) i understand that you feel horrible becausr yur children love him, but they are not old enough to see him for who he is, even if he did start to emotionally abuse them, they would probably never even tell you because they love him that much that they will put up with it.

My choices are limited,hes never physically injured anybody,so the court system would grant him reasonable access anyway,a local lady lost custody recently to her abusive exe husband,depite the injunction she had against him,that was overturned and her daughter had to be pulled out of her arms.He said she was a liar and unstable and the judge believed him.

My domestic violence support officer told me about that,advised me to get a residence order.

Hello tyeandye.

I think faweoff could be right. Also a father who adores his children does not break their toys or belongings. That's not normal behaviour.

DO you have to go to court for a residence order?

He doesnt break their stuff,its mine

Yes,courts the next step for that

I know it's easier for me to tell you what to do, i am not in your situation and it must be really hard for you , but you are doing the right thing.make this man realise that he is not going to emotionally bully you any longer.he cannot use the children as a weapon towards you.you also cannot be 100% certain that he will not treat the children the same way.i think you should at least be asking for supervised visitation and that you do not have to have contact with him.

Hes vile to me in front of them,then says he wouldnt have to be if i answered his calls/texts(which are abusive and controlling)

I know you are right,i have a domestic violence support officer who helps me withstand his tactics,its very hard though,having been worn down,bullied and belittled for years,not just by him either,his predecessor.and my stepfather,abusive men are attracted by vulnerability,for obvious reasons,ie,they are bullies,...and the knight ni shining armour doesnt remove the mask for many many months after you deepen your relationship.i have a friend who lived very happily with her partner for two years til they married,2 days later he raped her.Its a sickness,being with them.

IM SO FECKING FURIOUS I DONT KNOW WHERE TO PUT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!exe,rolled up to collect kids in a one year old Subaru Impreza WRX,15ks worth of car...after ive been doing all the access driving,continuing to pay bills after i left so i would get my fair share out of my house on completion.His maintenance offer?20 quid a week,which he hasnt paid,not a penny in 5 months.Im so angry i feel sicki can feel depression creeping up behind too.