Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Exe ripped me off,and abuses me

54 replies

tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:11

Mediation today,i walked out,i do all the driving for access so kids can see him,hes sitting there on a pot of gold telling me i have to get a mortgage and buy his kids a house,when hes got a massive chunk of capital,i got more,but not enough and cant afford a mortgage,i had an unencumbered house when we met,and 2 kids,now i have four and have to live at my mums in a mobile home

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:12

no maintenance,no support,just pure vitriol cos i left him,hes hateful,no job til after i left,he lived off me.and treats me like shit even though im doing everything i can so his kids can see him

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:13

feel desperate

OP posts:
Tortington · 04/10/2007 14:13

so dont anymore

Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:15

told him hes a parasite,and he can get himself a car and do it himself

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:15

I look like a drip i guess,its complex

OP posts:
Tortington · 04/10/2007 14:16

you dont at all
good for you.

dont even 'bother' any more.

Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:17

also told him his mother was rose west....she told him i was seeing other men when i wasnt........hes violent btw,to me,no punches as such,but force and aggression and mental cruelty

OP posts:
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 14:18

I think you've done all you possibly can and to be going through mediation is great because you have every reason to be saying "no stuff it - you go to court if you want to see the kids".

It sounds like you have a crap deal out of this. What would be his response if you were to say "I am not bringing the children to you and if you want to see them then you have to get off your backside and make the effort to come here".

Does he drive and have access to a car? Even if he doesn't he can get on a bus.

Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:19

thanks,feel like a drip,but its conditioning,like pavlovs dogs,must be a good girl or else....

OP posts:
zookeeper · 04/10/2007 14:19

I'm in a very sinmilar position and sitting here seething too. I am going to try and do something constructive this afternoon but all I really want to do is drive to his house and rip my ex's head off.

No advice here just wanted you to know you are not alone

Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:20

he forced me to have car back,thats another story,not for much longer

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:20

the sad thing zookeeper is that we are very far from alone,but thank you,xx

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 04/10/2007 14:22

hes getting a car this weekend or thats it..hes got 60k of my kids money in the bank

OP posts:
Mercy · 04/10/2007 17:19

Sorry to hear this is still going on

Stay strong. What does the mediator think? (or don't they offer any views)

Original poster
tyeanddye · 08/10/2007 12:30

I walked out of mediation,he shouted me and the mediator down,scoffed at everything i said or suggested,called me a liar,user,whore and an evil bitch.
I walked out in tears and he shouted at me in the car park that i "didnt like to be told" The poor mediator had told him to get therapy and keep his nose out of my personal life.not in those terms,but nearly.
He s noww weepy and depressed and wanting a hug.and help finding a new car

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 10:43

The kids are so sad and behaving so appallingly its really tough,im struggling to cope,dread every day.

OP posts:
clutteredup · 11/10/2007 10:46

poor you , no advice just loads of sympathy

Charlee · 11/10/2007 10:49

He sounds like an idiot.

You should definatley tell him he is not being part of the kids life until he sorts himself out. Its not fair on you or your children, go through the courts if need be.

Simply refuse to see him, change your phone number if need be so he can't get hold of you.

You are not a drip you just need to take a stand and stop pandering to his every whim.

Go to the CAB to discuss getting maintinence for the children he can obviously afford it.

I would speak to homestart as well to maybe get a volunteer to help you cope at the moment, we have one from a different organization, she is wonderfull and really helps me.

Do you have your own family of friends to help you sort things out, or just to give you a break?

The children are probably picking up on your depression so a break may do them and you good.

HUgs to you anyway hun, i hope things improve for you.

Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 11:17

Ive told him to get some help for his depression if he wants access to continue,he accused me of sleeping around in front of our very sensitive 7 year old recently.The other incidents in front of them,or in earshot were very ugly He thinks,like all abusive men,that his actions are "justified"he said to the mediator that he behaves like this because i "know how to push his buttons"i told him his buttons are always downthats the problem...he doesnt so much have a short fuse,as no fuse at all,or even a mercury switch,one jog and BOOOM!!
The mediator was at a loss,i think she was mightily relieved when it was over.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 11:21

His excuse for keeping so much capital was that he painted the front of my old house,and upped its value,and that i didnt do enough decorating of the home we bought together,therefore it wasnt worth enough.
My first exe bought me and my older kids my house outright,this exe wants me to use our creative mortgage broker to plump up some figures so i can get a mortgage and buy a house.How the hell am i supposed to get a job with 4 kids?im always driving,800 miles last week,and no effing maintenance from either of them,they both work

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 13:00

im drinking too much again

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 13:03

My mum is very supportive on the whole,but she also has alot on her plate,and 5 extra members of her previously single occupier household ha been a strain!

OP posts:
UniversallyChallenged · 11/10/2007 13:15

for you and your children

Are you on anti-ds?

Original poster
tyeanddye · 11/10/2007 13:18

no,dd2 is still bf

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 11/10/2007 13:23

if he is behaving so appaulingly then you should stop contact all together, he os being emotionally abusive to you in front of your children.you left this relationship to stop him making your life a living hell, and he is still doing it. what is more important to you, let him see the kids and you and them be miserable or stop him seeing the kids and the kids getting over it, and life becoming much calmer????? he is a poor excuse of a man