can't motivate myself to do anything - please give me a nudge

[monkeyonthetable]

I wake up every morning and have zero motivation for anything. There are loads of things I'd like to do or could do but I seem to have an invisible block stopping me from actually doing any of them. I found it hard enough this morning to just have a bath and get dressed. Weirdly, the stuff I most want to do is even harder to get motivated about.

I am managing a walk most days, a bit of cooking, shared with DH and the bare minimum housework. But even the house seems so perpetually grubby from having everyone home all the time, and I don't have energy to clean, only to see it undone within 24 hours.

I feel like I need someone to tell me: do this now. I just can't find the ignition myself.

Anyone feel the same? Or have advice? or fancying telling me what to get started on? I know it seems silly but it is really dragging me down and making me feel deeply self-critical. Slippery slope.

Good morning all! It is a miserable rainy day today. Hoping that writing a list will motivate me:

• go through the fridge, Chuck out any stuff that needs to go and work out what we will have for lunch.
• finish sorting through the pile of stuff on the sitting room floor
• clear the kitchen table(again, it just seems to accumulate junk)

My treat for getting these done is to go and get a flat white from my favourite cafe.

Welcome @Valenciaoranges I hope you do as monkey suggests and write 3 small self care things you can do today and then let us know when you have done them.

@Terralee hope you get through that groggy feeling and get back to normal soon.

Have a good day all!

@Chaotic45 About the piles, they are a variety of stuff. For example, I cleared out a cupboard and found stuff that I want to eBay or freecycle. I also want to send some stuff to my sister so that’s piled up. There’s some books to give to a friend. There are toys that need sorting. But it is getting there and I can see the improvements I’ve made. I keep looking at the cupboards I’ve cleared out and how organised they look! Also a couple of times my DC have asked for something and previously I would have had no idea where it was but now I’m able to find it straight away.

Hi all, Valencia sorry to hear you're having such a rubbish time. Hope being on this thread helps a little.

Well it's grey and cold here. Kids on screens again... Saturday afternoons are my supermarket shop days. Oh joy!

Hi colouring! Sounds similar to us. I’m going to try to get the DC off screens for a bit at least...

Hi, can I join please?
I have so many things I want to do but no motivation at all.

So far today I have walked the dog, hand washed a jumper that's been waiting months and put a load of washing in.

Need to muster up some energy to go and hang the washing up to dry now.
Bed sheets also need changing but DH tends to do that as I get all hot and bothered 😂

@monkeyonthetable thank you so much for your kind words
Had a shower - first in a week
Got dressed - first in a week
Shopping for parents - always do this
Arranging Skype call with psych

@Valenciaoranges - that's great. Real progress. Having a shower is such a big step towards basic self care routine. It's one of the key ones to get back on track I think.
Hope the Skype with psych goes well.

@ejecoms, I'm envious of those cupboards. I love opening a beautifully ordered cupboard and seeing everything in its place. So mentally soothing. (Doesn't happen often around here! )

Welcome @SpockPaperScissorsLizardRock. I find doing a small job I've put off for months (like that hand washed jumper) very energising.

Hi @colouringindoors. Are the supermarkets near you easing off at all? I walked straight into ours for the first time in weeks, no queue.

Monkey - I’m not sure how long the cupboards will look organised for but I will enjoy it for now! I’ve been going to our small local Tesco which has actually been much better stocked than the massive Sainsbury’s around the corner

hi eje monkey I think my ds is aiming for Fortnite competition standard now!

thunderstorms here so late trip to supermarket... Still a queue... maybe 25 mins. Spent shop trying not to have panic attack. Dcs with their dad now which usually means i chill and do whatever I feel like but recently its meant I've crashed more. Don't have to appear to be functioning I guess.

well done valencia thats major.

Thank you for welcoming me to the club.

It's lovely to hear how everyone's days have gone. I think this thread is going to help me get away from 'all or nothing' thought patterns. Even if our acheivements may be modest, they are victories all the same. If we only do one thing, it's better than nothing. And if we did nothing on our list, that's ok too. Tomorrow is another day.

I also like the idea of setting goals according to our energy levels. To those really struggling with self-care, I think a lot of us have been there. Even if you only manage to brush your teeth and splash some water on your face, it's something. I find just being outside in the garden helps. Just sat with a cup of tea. It feels so good to close my eyes and feel the sun on my skin.

I managed to do everything on my list except the yoga. Writing it all here was a massive help.

Tomorrow's list:

-sweep the stairs
-clean either the sink or the dishwasher
-wash one winter coat.

My fun thing: drag my teenagers away from their screens to go out for a walk in the woods.

The last two are dependent on the weather. If it's wet I will do one admin job ( I hate it more than anything) and bake a cake for my fun thing.

I am also giving myself permission to go off list, as long as I do three things that need to be done, and one thing for me.

Oh, I've also taken my vitamin supplement which I always seem to forget. I aim to take it every day from now on.

Look forward to reading you all tomorrrow.

@colouringindoors - thank you. It’s tricky when everyone around you is doing so much and why they ask what you’ve done, you can’t answer and feel like an utter failure... again.

We live in a world where it looks like if we aren’t doing cartwheels all day , then we feel like failures.
It’s so hard to share poor mental issues with people that just don’t get it.
I hope everyone on here is ok today

yeah valencia I know what you mean. I try not to compare as no-one has any idea whats it's like being me and living through what I have.... but it's not easy...

I see a video someone had shared on facebook about this very topic - it was about how there is this pressure that people would use lockdown to acquire new skills/do amazing thing whereas the reality for most people is that they have been struggling with anxiety/loss of support/loss of income etc. I certainly had this idea that I would clear out the entire house but that hasn't happened at all!

Absolutely true that what we do is dependent on energy levels and how we will.

My 3 for today are:

• go for a run (going to do this now)
• work through the massive pile of 'stuff' on my kitchen worktop and see what needs doing for each one e.g. put an address on it if it's to be posted, look into selling on eBay etc. I'm going to count this as at least 2 jobs because there is lots of stuff there!
• for fun, I'm going to make pavlova! I made a sauce yesterday with 4 egg yolks so I've got lots of egg whites to use up.

Here is a nudge for anyone who needs it!

@monkeyonthetable thank you so much for your understanding and kind words about teen DC and not contacting friends much. Your words helped me immensely yesterday. I love the chrysalis analogy. I don't have many close friends with teen DC so I'm sort of feeling my way and finding it tough.

I hope you managed to get through yesterday's list ok. Journaling sounds like a really positive idea.

@ejecoms wow an early morning run, that is a really dynamic start to your day fantastic! Hope you make some progress with your paperwork today. WRT your piles, could you box each one up and pop it out if the way so they are then ready for their next destination rather than filling up your living space? I have to admit to giving away huge amounts of stuff that I originally intended to ebay recently. I just had to admit I was never going to get round to it, I didn't feel guilty as I'm earning far less than usual atm but it also felt good to get rid of it!

@colouringindoors the rainy weather doe out a different spin on queuing for shops doesn't it. This thread is showing me lots of us are really struggling with motivation and that we need to try to be kind to ourselves about it if we can. Hope you have a good day today.

@SpockPaperScissorsLizardRock welcome. Well done for washing that jumper, especially as it has been waiting for so long.

@Valenciaoranges wow you made major achievements yesterday. On this thread we know how much effort that would have taken, and we are cheering you on with every step you take.

@discodancingdiva thank you for your post- I agree that 'all or nothing' ways of thinking can be really troublesome. I'm trying to move away from thinking like that. Good luck with your list today, hope the rain holds off for you.

@Valenciaoranges and @ejecoms - a lovely woman I know slightly posted on FB yesterday a link to an article about a doctor in the New York Times. She wrote: I was at college with this woman. She's spent lockdown pioneering the best Covid testing formats. I've spent it making skirts out of paper cupcake cases for next-door's gerbils.'

I laughed so much at that. It's so true. We can always compare ourselves to others and find ourselves shockingly wanting. They change the world during lockdown. We don't even get round to changing our beds! But it really doesn't matter, I used to think it did and it was so painful thinking that way. I have a much more relaxed attitude now. It's OK to just be. It's OK to just breathe in and out and watch the birds and hug and feed DC.

@discodancingdiva - you are on a roll! I love it when people post their small acts of self-care on this thread. Showers and vitamins and walks in the fresh air. These are so important when we struggle. Just reading other people's lists is uplifting.

Today - got up early as usual and tidied and cleaned the kitchen which DTeens always leave in a midnight feast storm. [Hmm] I journalled again - I'm trying to get back into it.

Going to call my sis as my fun thing today - not spoken to her for ages.
Walk in the woods
Laundry
clean three windows: kitchen, living room and landing.

Is anyone finding that when they get started with an item off their list they find it doesn't take as long as they expected? I am seeing a patten of this. Not that it leads me to doing anything more, as I seem to be in a time vacuum atm, but I've found it interesting nonetheless.

Yesterday I managed everything on my list except the pet shop as it closed earlier than I expected. The TV watching for an hour was maybe a bad idea as it made me just want to sleep the rest of the afternoon which I couldn't do.

Today I have the in laws followed by my dad for a garden visit. They have been fully isolating but are desperate to get out and although I worry about them, I couldn't hold them back any longer. Unfortunately I wasn't prepared for his so I'll try to tidy the garden and work out how to keep them warm and dry.

Also on my list:
Tidy my bedroom
Cook Sunday dinner
Prepare schedules for next weeks work and check these work for my customers.

Good luck for today everyone.

morning @Chaotic45 - glad the chrysalis thing helped. It helped me when I realised it was a phase so many boys go through. It's normal - even good for them. They are changing into teenagers.

Thanks for the nudge eje. I need it.

@monkeyonthetable the Facebook post you mentioned is so funny, and so true. I think social media can make these comparisons worse, but it can be very hard to step away from.

It's fantastic that you've found yourself able to 'just be'. I imagine that it's a lovely feeling.

Good thread. The lack of motivation ( and increase in drinking) is really beginning to cause me problems. At the start of lockdown I was walking briskly a couple of miles a day. Havent been for weeks so forced myself out yesterday and plodded grimly round the route. Have to admit I didnt enjoy it, but mentally felt better for it. It must have kickstarted something as I also baked a cake and sorted out the ironing pile. Yet here I am this morning dreading the thought of going out again, and fancying a day in bed! It is so hard to keep going...

Hope you manage to get your walk done @dementedma. It is tough to get going but once you’ve done it you should feel more motivated. If you can’t do it, can you just tell yourself that all you need to do is put your walking clothes on? And then just 1 step out of doors? And you may be able to trick yourself into going for the walk!

@dementedma - welcome. My rule for the very basics of self care is that I don't have to want to do something. Not even a tiny bit. I just have to do it if I know it's good for me. So showers, clean teeth, walks, getting dressed, getting fresh air etc are just things I make myself do until most days they are automatic. If anyone in our house during lockdown says 'Fancy a walk' I hear myself having already said 'Yes' even if I am dying to spend the day under the duvet. Like you say, you feel so much better afterwards, and that's what matters.

I've been feeling awful like I'm drunk thanks to the increase in epilepsy meds, so all I did yesterday was clean my teeth & wash some dishes while my sister was here.

I feel a little bit better this morning so I'm now going to have a shower. My mums visiting and she wants to go for a walk but I can't go out like this.