can't motivate myself to do anything - please give me a nudge

[monkeyonthetable]

I wake up every morning and have zero motivation for anything. There are loads of things I'd like to do or could do but I seem to have an invisible block stopping me from actually doing any of them. I found it hard enough this morning to just have a bath and get dressed. Weirdly, the stuff I most want to do is even harder to get motivated about.

I am managing a walk most days, a bit of cooking, shared with DH and the bare minimum housework. But even the house seems so perpetually grubby from having everyone home all the time, and I don't have energy to clean, only to see it undone within 24 hours.

I feel like I need someone to tell me: do this now. I just can't find the ignition myself.

Anyone feel the same? Or have advice? or fancying telling me what to get started on? I know it seems silly but it is really dragging me down and making me feel deeply self-critical. Slippery slope.

chaotic, monkey sympathies.

I've had my worst day in a while. Crashed ?cos kids not here/would have done anyway?. Annoyed I've totally lost/wasted a precious kid free day . Been feeling very agitated and spaced out all day. Done no studying. Kitchen disgusting. Just taken some propranolol to try and calm breathing.

Well done to all those getting things done. I just cannot concentrate on anything, really don’t know why. I am ok when doing my work but once that’s finished I am so restless and achieve absolutely nothing around the home apart from keeping people alive. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I feel like such a bad role model for dc’s. Just can’t seem to snap out of it. Feel quite down about it.

littlemiss sorry to hear that, sounds hard. Maybe work is taking all you have? Also looking after small people is ten times more demanding than most work. Honestly keeping people alive and fed is good. It is really is. Try not to heat yourself up x

or *beat

Sorry for the confusion- I was peoplepleaser, have name changed will post properly later

@Chaotic45 - I really think we have to be fair to ourselves during lockdown when other people's problems derail us. Hours on maths problems with your son is time very well spent on his education and your relationship with him, proving you will support him when he struggles. But that sort of stuff takes its toll. It's one of your achievements of that day, though, and imo it;s important to recognise this.

I have an autistic teen who has a lot of emotional rollercoaster days. Sometimes it feels like I spend all day being his psychotherapist! But he;s stabler than any other autistic teen I know, so I think it must be helping. I feel drained afterwards and he skips off happily. But it's worth doing, even if all my own plans get temporarily shelved.

I think some feminists call it women's invisible work. Helping with homework/life problems etc. It takes hours and energy but there's nothing to show for it, unlike a clean house, baked pie, stunning garden, work promotion, marathon medal, published book etc. We need on this thread to recognise it as one of the three things done in a day - even if it wasn't on our lists.

Hi I had a shower today at lunchtime, went for a long walk, need to start doing some home weights exercises as the muscles in my back ache when I walk a long way plus it will help burn fat.
I managed to prepare myself a salad for tea, I bought a chopping board & some veggies yesterday.

monkey yes re invisible work. My dd15 has ASD disorder and there is a Lot of counselling and emotional support required. Tomorrow I have to tell her she has to go back to school in 2 weeks...

It is most definitely work.

Well today I had an appointment with my therapist. Then met with friend and her kids and mine for a walk which was great - to see people and go somewhere different. Had call with GP too. Cooked dinner.

@monkeyonthetable thank you for your thoughtful post. It resonated with me so much and to an extent I think I explains why sometimes I feel frustrated that I've not much to show for having less paid work during lockdown than normal.

I do lots of the 'invisible' work -DS' school work, spending time with DS (only child so has no sibling company although at 13 I'm not his ideal company), daily phone calls to my isolated dad, mum and stepdad, uncle, a friend who is struggling, online food shopping, chatting with DH and spending time with him after his long stressful days at work etc. So little gets done in the way of the visible achievements and I do feel I should have a sparkling home, lush garden, home made cake, 5k run etc etc to show but I haven't and I just don't seem to have time so I feel lazy and inefficient.

It sounds like you have a close relationship with your son which to me sounds lovely. He is lucky to have you but I can understand that it takes up a lot of time and energy to support him.

@Terralee well done on the shower, walk and healthy tea. Really impressive. I wouldn't know where to start with home weights but have done pilates in ten last which helped my aches quite well.

@monkey it sounds like several of us have lots of invisible work to do in supporting our DC. Will your DD be disappointed about going back to school? I hope the conversation isn't too tricky.

I miss my therapist. I dip in and out these days and have assumed she won't be able to run a session during lockdown- and quite honestly I don't know where to start!!

Hello @Littlemiss74 yes! Similar - Not diagnosed yet but I am pretty sure it’s that. Pretty mild, I reckon, but over time a big impact. After a lifetime of bafflement I read about it by chance a few months ago, followed by several people’s accounts of their own experiences, all of which could have been my own to the letter, and also my mum’s! I am keeping a beagle eye on DS (5) don’t want to label him but don’t want to miss it if it’s there either because there does seem so much you can do to help. I was kind of half way through referral (filled out GP’s questionnaire, wrote giant essay on back, misplaced form) and then came lockdown and I kind of chickened out because I thought NHS MH services would have a lot else to do, but I will get back on it! How are you doing with it?

I don’t know if you have seen this magazine? It’s got some quite helpful things in it www.additudemag.com/

Arrgh. I really need a boot up the bum today. I'm still in PJs and feeling badly lethargic.

Working this afternoon (from home, conference calls) and can't summon the energy for anything else.
I will try to:
have a bath and wash my hair
get dressed
strip the bed (still not done from two days ago! )
hoover downstairs

Getting worse. Still sat in bed on phone. House is now pretty gross.

Please don’t be downhearted about getting things done - you must be doing loads! It takes so much work just keeping things on the level, especially with kids, lots of decisions, lots of energy, all invisible and unwitnessed! but you have still been doing it! My friend was explaining to me about the Mental Load of the Household, and also the Motherload, which are acknowledged things apparently, and it was a bit cheering to realise that.

Sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days - have been very stressed about an online talk I had to do but I've done it now and it went well! So I feel I can move on now and think about something else.

@Figrolls14 - you are absolutely right about the mental load. It is exhausting and I haven't found a way to deal with it. It takes a lot of mental energy.

I now have piles of stuff around from all the sorting out I have been doing which need more sorting out. I hope I don't just end up sticking them back in different cupboards! I did sort out most of the cupboards I wanted to and even went through all our felttip pens and threw away the ones that weren't working.

@colouringindoors - I hope you're not still in bed!

@Terralee - I'm impressed. You seem to be doing more each day.

I managed a bath and the work session went well. But I've just eaten my bodyweight in carbs. Not hoovered or changed the bed yet. Ah well.

likewise monkey 🙄

hi eje well done!

well I’ve got out for a little walk, done the disgusting washing up and done an hour's studying. Fortunately Friday night is takeaway night here...

Haven't achieved much today as increased epilepsy meds (hopefully for the last time in a while), and feel like a zombie really!

I need to wash the dishes as I've used up everything but I feel like I'm drunk.
I know this feeling will wear off by the end of next week but it makes doing anything harder. I don't feel safe to go in the shower on my own like this. I might ask my sister to come over & sit in the sofa while I have my shower.

Oooooh, this thread is brilliant!
I have been feeling really rubbish lately too.
Definitely get the lethargy, fatigue and restlessness, and my teenagers are more than happy to slob around in pyjamas on screens all day, every day, their lack of personal hygiene getting worse as time goes by. It's driving me NUTS!

My house is grubbier than ever since lockdown started. Mostly because there are four of us here 24/7 and no one but me seems to give a sh*t. It is an impossible task keeping on top of it, so I've just let things slip which makes tackling it even more overwhelming. Catch 22 really.

I love your idea of aiming to get just three things done. It is utter genius!
I actually read this yesterday, and today I have:

-Changed and washed my bedsheets.
-Cleaned the loo and sink in the bathroom
-Put away the clothes that were on the back of my chair-wardrobe.
-Phoned an elderly relative, not a chore but something I need to be in the right frame of mind to do so keep putting it off.
My fun thing was getting take away for tea.

I also worked this morning so all in all a good (enough) day. I have done lots more than I would normally do anyway.

Tomorrow's list:

-Yoga ( even if it's just ten minutes)
-Wash shower
-Hoover bathroom
-Get my minging teenagers to change their sheets, tidy, dust and hoover their rooms. ( This will take ten times longer than doing it myself, but I refuse to be their skivvy).
-Clean downstairs loo
-Hoover dining/living-room.
-Fun thing: I've been invited round to my friend's for a cuppa at 4 o'clock. I aim to get eveything on my list done before then.

This is ambitious but having it written here is hopefully going to help me get it done.

Well done to everyone here! We can so totally do this!

welcome @discodancingdiva. Great achievements today. Good list for tomorrow but just doing 3 of those is an achievement.

@Terralee - hope your medication settles down soon. That zonked feeling is draining. But you've been getting more and more done each day.

Didn't do much today apart from 1/2 day at work, bath and hairwash but I gave the bathroom a very quick clean, did a washload, nagged DS1 to sort out his room tornado and cooked dinner for DH and me as DC were out for a socially distanced pizza in a friend's garden.

Tomorrow I will:
hoover downstairs
go for a walk
catch up by phone with a friend I've not spoken to since lockdown began

Totally lacking in any motivation as well. I am working from home, but that is all I can cope with. I have depression, anxiety and personality disorder. I have isolated myself from most people, just the odd friend. I’m very good and faking it but then I jut hit a real low: don’t shower, stay in pjs all day, eat sporadically, don’t leave the house, ignore the phone, get angry inside, so many negative voices in my head.
I pick my legs and scalp to the point they get infected. I’m under adult mental health team but not actually seen psych yet due to Covid. I’m not a danger to myself but it is becoming unbearable and I can’t seem to drag myself out of it. I’m on meds so may ask for imcease.
Thanks for reading. Love to all of you fighting your own battles,

@monkeyonthetable sounds like you ended up having a productive day yesterday. I too have a teen with a tornado bedroom, I keep intending to suggest we tackle it together. Good luck with your list today.

@ejecoms glad your talk went well and that you felt better afterwards. Good luck with your piles of 'stuff', are they things that need to get out of the house as rubbish or donations, or do they 'belong' somewhere. You've given me the idea to make attacking the 'plies' that have built up everywhere in my house.

@colouringindoors three great things done yesterday- sounds like your day started off with struggling to get started so it's all credit to you that you pulled it around. It does feel that for me if I get a good start it gives me a bit of momentum, but often I don't get that good start.

@Terralee adjusting to your new meds sounds really draining. That in itself is enough and a huge task. I hope you feel well enough to tackle the shower, but you shouldn't worry if not.

@discodancingdiva welcome, great list for today. Hope it goes well. Sounds like that's three of us with teenage bedrooms that are chaotic!

@Valenciaoranges welcome. Sorry to hear of your struggles, it sounds really difficult especially so given that Covoid has made it doubly hard to get help. Hopefully this thread might help you a little. It sounds like contacting your doctor to discuss an increase in your meds would be a really good thing to do. Is there anything that you could do today for yourself?

I found yesterday tough. DS was hoping to connect with friends online and struggled initially to find anyone to 'play' with. This sent me into an overreaction and tailspin of worrying about him being isolated. At 13 and an only child this has been tough on him. Most of his friends don't seem ready to actually meet up yet. In reality he is ok, but I worry too much and struggle not to get overwhelmed by it all.

My list for today
Walk with a friend, persuade DS to come.

Attack the piles of stuff downstairs.

Call pet shop and arrange to collect dog food and treats. Pick up click and collect from supermarket and put it all away.

For myself I am going to watch something I want, in bed from 4-5pm without feeling guilty!

Good luck for today everyone.

Hi @Valenciaoranges and welcome. I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now. It's very likely that your mood and your situation will improve in time, so try to hang on to that thought.

I have been as low as you. In fact this morning I decided to start hjournalling again and found a notebook to write in. When I opened it I found a journal from a few years ago when I was feeling as low as you are now. It made me realise that life does improve. I know you haven;t asked for advice, so ignore this if you like, but I found my way back from that low by doing microscopic things to feel better. Seriouslyt, the first thing I did was stay in my chair but just stretch my arms over my head to waken my body gently,. Next thing i did - because I couldn;t face outside and hadn't been out in months, was to open a window and just stand there for a minute, feeling the air on my face, experiencing the different smells and temperatures of outside in comparison with inside.

Could you add some sea salt to your bath when you have one, to try and heal your skin wounds? Or buy some Savlon online and apply it.

Do you want to find three really tiny self-care things to do today (like having a cup of tea by an open window, or eating some fruit and drinking some water. Or playng a song you love on you tube or spotify? Log them on here and we'll all support you and see if you can take it from there in tiny steps.