can't motivate myself to do anything - please give me a nudge

[monkeyonthetable]

I wake up every morning and have zero motivation for anything. There are loads of things I'd like to do or could do but I seem to have an invisible block stopping me from actually doing any of them. I found it hard enough this morning to just have a bath and get dressed. Weirdly, the stuff I most want to do is even harder to get motivated about.

I am managing a walk most days, a bit of cooking, shared with DH and the bare minimum housework. But even the house seems so perpetually grubby from having everyone home all the time, and I don't have energy to clean, only to see it undone within 24 hours.

I feel like I need someone to tell me: do this now. I just can't find the ignition myself.

Anyone feel the same? Or have advice? or fancying telling me what to get started on? I know it seems silly but it is really dragging me down and making me feel deeply self-critical. Slippery slope.

hi everyonr good luck on your goals. I'm not feeling great physically (as well as mentally) so am still in bed. zoster I have acupuncture appt which is good. Need to start thinking about packing.

later not zoster!

Thanks all for the welcome. Happy I'm not alone.

Ugh. I had another bad day...it's that horrid part of procrastination when you just give up because you are behind on everything.

I'm going to try again:

Load of laundry
Clean sheets
Edit friend's draft

Hi Delphinium sometimes its just not possible.
I am feeling shit tonight, pain and depression so have sensibly made myself a strong vodka and OJ.

@colouringindoors that vodka sounds nice...sometimes a bit of gin can motivate me in the moment...but the next morning can hurt like hell if i have too much (which is too easy)

Cheers!!

@colouringindoors I'm sorry you feel like crap...you're not alone.

thanks delphinium really appreciate it, sorry though to hear you're feeling rubbish too. Times like this I wish there was someone to take care of me. I even bought myself a box of chocolates how sad is that. My situation is so fucked up having to rely on my ex who's at the centre of my ptsd and for whom everything is great and exciting. I feel totally broken and really don't want to keep doing this anymore.

So my mum, unusually for her messages me to ask how I'm going, an hour ago. I say I'm having a bad day pain wise. No Reply. She's fucking useless.

unravelling

I'm going for a walk, or shouldi say hobble

I cant even runaway any more

@colouringindoors how are you this morning? I'm sorry you're going through such a shitty time xx It sounds very overwhelming. Is there someone you can talk to today?

thanks idonthear youre right it is totally overwhelming. I'm due to be going on a beach holiday on Friday which I love and usually spend my time digging castles and body boarding.i don't know what I'm going to do all day except watch my dcs have a fab hol with my ex who's having to come too as my back is still v bad. Tempted not to go this morning.

@Colouringindoors can you write a pros and cons list? Do you have to go? Would the kids have a good time without you? Could you bear to miss just putting your toes in the sand even if you couldn't do much else? Would a week at home alone be unbearable? Any chance at all being with your ex won't be too much?

@colouringindoors checking in on you and hope you are ok. I like the pros/cons list idea

I had a soso day...I DID get 2 things done, but not the friend's edit.

My today list:
Friends edit
Sympathy card
Email vendor for side project

Thanks Delphinium I did get a couple if things done this pm one ex and kids left the house.
1 Pruned an unruly bush. (garden plant)
Watered b
my pots
Packaged up what I need to send back to him and m&s (had 2 get some new clothes for hol, lickdown plus slipped disc has been disastrous for my weight

Still feeling dreadful.

Checking in, I'm still floored by vertigo but GP has given me new meds to try, will start ear drops when the chemist gets them in tomorrow, not sure if vertigo is coming as a result of chronic migraine, ear infection which isn't causing any pain but hard swollen glands or from my neck.

Sciatica is slightly better, been trying to do all the exercises, left ovary pain is still twisting and mega painful but no-one knows really why or cares to investigate as it's going on many years, latest theory is back to my weight....

Apparently the GP is happy to push for intensive testing once I can "prove" it is not weight related, by getting my bmi down under half of it's current figure so looking to lose 14 stones, however I am a binge eater but was bulimic at different times and then do the restricting and often eat things which shouldn't be eaten. I have been referred for help with that but the waiting list is 5 years + as I am not deemed in any danger.

My wins for today, I have mostly set up my new video doorbell, the kittens water fountain, cleaned the loo, organised a water cooler to be delivered with weekly refills, made many lists.

Tomorrow I need to sort out my fridge, empty bins out to the kerb, sweep and try and wash the floor as the kitchen floor has kitty litter scattered around it.

Hugs to anyone who needs them

well done frogs. Sorry to hear about your health problems esp the eating thing. Sounds really hard. Hugs to you too.

Big fail for me today. Got nothing done. Was back in bed by 10.30 this morning. Slept til 2.30. Can't even think of a list. DH got me to decide on where we're hanging some pictures (moved here in January and I've done hardly anything. Prioritised kids rooms so I know they're comfy and sorted) and I know I'll look at what we've done and say wtf was I thinking. Meh.
Hope everyone else has had a more successful day.

oh (((hugs))) idonthear try not be beat yourself up. It is just one day.

@colouringindoors I say that's a LOT accomplished!!! Well done!!

@Idonthearawordtheyresaying

I hear you and I wonder if COVID gives many of us temporary depression because one symptom is oversleeping...and I've done that as well.

I am worried I'll lose my job as I keep pushing off projects and rescheduling meetings

Today:

Sympathy card
Contact city planner for permit
Edit friends stuff

So frustrating my 3 things are on repeat.

to the lot of you. Sorry I don't have the energy for more, but I'm reading, and here in spirit...

I have many more fails than wins, really. Talked to my GP again, and she's still not happy to increase the medication, it seems, although tbh I even forgot to ask about it. It was mostly a self-harm talk. No therapy this week, as I'd stupidly cancelled it. And I've been stupid with both food and alcohol.

BUT I did change the sheets today, and we had a cooked dinner (katsu burgers, it was nice), and despite not leaving the house all day I've somehow got 11K steps done anyway.

Tomorrow's plan:

• Get back onto my ED program/routine properly!
• Message two of my friends, which I've been putting off again.
• Go outside. A walk, gardening, the shops, whatever. Just something.

Hi all, I have been reading along but had a horrendous week, so didn’t feel in the mood to post. Just so fed up of feeling this way. But tomorrow is a sunny Friday. I am setting some big tasks for myself

1. Buy birthday cards (I did try today - why were there hardly any cards in the shop??)
2. Delivery cards
3. If I feel up to it - visit my Nanna in the garden if I can hide being so unwell for an hour

Hope you’re all ok x