can't motivate myself to do anything - please give me a nudge

[monkeyonthetable]

I wake up every morning and have zero motivation for anything. There are loads of things I'd like to do or could do but I seem to have an invisible block stopping me from actually doing any of them. I found it hard enough this morning to just have a bath and get dressed. Weirdly, the stuff I most want to do is even harder to get motivated about.

I am managing a walk most days, a bit of cooking, shared with DH and the bare minimum housework. But even the house seems so perpetually grubby from having everyone home all the time, and I don't have energy to clean, only to see it undone within 24 hours.

I feel like I need someone to tell me: do this now. I just can't find the ignition myself.

Anyone feel the same? Or have advice? or fancying telling me what to get started on? I know it seems silly but it is really dragging me down and making me feel deeply self-critical. Slippery slope.

I hope the extra dose helps, too, colouring.

I get the zombie thing as well, running. It's not a lockdown thing for me sadly, but has been kind of a permanent feature ever since we stopped fertility treatments years ago. I just don't make plans or think about the future much anymore. I think I was getting to a better place last year, and had started some tentative stuff in that direction, but then got hit with this MH relapse around Christmas, and now I just exist from one day to the next - zombie-ing. I have no plans what-so-ever, apart from a few phone appointments coming up.

thanks insane sorry to hear about your fertility treatments. It took me 3 years to fall pregnant and it's so hard.

I had a shower yesterday morning then took the promethazine just before I went to the work meeting, I felt floaty but not too bad & didn't feel paranoid at all which was good.
So when I start work again next week I will be able to take it before work.

Today I've had a wash, I will have a shower later, I've got to phone my solicitor but keep putting it off...

Well done Terralee.

It's my birthday

Happy birthday @colouringindoors nice ring...

I didn't phone the solicitor but I've managed to clear the floor in my spare bedroom

insane so sorry to hear about your fertility treatments.

terralee well done on shower and bedroom, and that’s positive about work. Perhaps you can make the soliciter a job for tomorrow morning and try and get it out the way before you have a chance to think about it to much.

Happy Birthday @colouringindoors! I hope you have managed to have a nice day and your back pain has eased?

I have the counsellor tomorrow. Glad I have the appointment but worried I’m just going to cry and not be able to find the words to explain how I’m feeling and the things that are going round my head.

Happy birthday, colouring!
That's good about the work and meds, and well done on the shower, too, Terralee.

Thanks re. fertility. On the whole I'm happier now that the TTC phase and treatments are properly behind us. We spent well more than a decade on the trying, we're in our 40s now, adoption wasn't an option etc. and especially when I'm unwell like this it's easy to see positives to not having the worry about children. I just haven't quite figured out what I'd want instead, if that makes sense.

I'm still not doing great. I've been self-harming. Feel pretty embarrassed and stupid. Just been trying to zombie my way through the days. Today I can't think of any small achievements, to be honest. I got through a phone call and did 30 minutes on the step board? Ate all the meals I was supposed to eat? I guess that's something. I'll have some actual things that need doing tomorrow, though.

Happy birthday 🎂 @colouringindoors

Thanks so much everyone 😊 It's been a nice day despite pain.

gp prescribed me codeine today but I haven't taken it as it gives me terrible constipation and I can't face it!!!

tried to go out in car but only managed 2 mins before asking to go back pain was horrendous. Osteopath is 15 mins drive away so f**k knows how i will do that . Anyhow some lovely food and pressies today.

Insane so sorry to hear about the self harming. Despite that you've got some good things done though so don't give up.

running can you write anything down first. Even if its just individual words - may help prompt you? I'm sure your counsellor will have lots of experience with clients who feel like you do.

thanks terralee and a clear floor is a good start!

night all

Morning everyone. I've actually slept well. "Only" about six hours, but no waking up during the night, and I actually feel somewhat rested this morning. Phew.

Good luck with the osteopath, colouring. I hope you manage to get there (take some codeine if you have to - you can deal with the constipation later, surely) and they're able to help.

I have some paperwork (well, computer work) that needs doing today. It's something I've had for two weeks, but I've been merrily ignoring it, and it all needs sending off by the end of today, so that's my main task! Also going to force myself out for a walk. I didn't leave the house yesterday, and it's not good for me to stay cooped up. I need the fresh air and to see some trees and to have the head space of walking - the exercise is a bonus.

hi insane great to hear about the sleep and your plans for the day - good luck.

osteopath was so lovely. diagnosed compressed disc pinching sciatic nerve. so most pain is nerve pain which won't be helped by codeine or naproxen. Is writing to gp this pm to request gapapentin. dont know if they'll prescribe it dont know if i can even have it with my anti ds. No quick fix. I dont know if i can cope with this on top of everything else.

insane I’m glad to hear you had a good sleep.
Have you managed to get the paperwork done?
Please don’t feel embarrassed or stupid. Perhaps post here next time you want to self harm if that will help.

teralee did you manage to contact the solicitor?

colouringim glad you have a diagnosis but sorry to hear not a quick fix.

eje how are you doing?

Had my counselling session earlier. It did help to talk and was reassuring in some ways but despite taking colourings advice and writing stuff down I didn’t manage to say everything I wanted to. So now I’m annoyed with myself and feeling really flat and sobbing my heart out.

running (((hugs)))

Thanks colouring

Late to the party. I'm struggling. Have been for a couple of weeks now but this week really bad. No motivation to do anything. Feels like a fog. Can't see much ahead.

Have felt like this before. I will keep going, but I know I'm not doing well mentally. All the. Signs are there.

I get home from work and I crawl into bed. Very unlike me.

Colleagues at work are really struggling today as well. Made me feel less alone.

hi gluteus sorry to hear you're having a tough time too. Lots of us have found it helps to aim to do 2 or 3 things a day - and post them in the morning. When you've felt like this before what helped?

Thanks colouring.

I think just a one day at a time approach is the only thing. But I'm a planner, and ideas and things I like to focus on/achieve/look forward to, isn't happening. I think lockdown has only just hit me now.

At the moment the only things I can think about getting through each day is work, and feeding family. Beyond that is a struggle.

I also do something before I go to bed, which is make myself go through all the things I'm lucky to have, things to be grateful for.

ah the gratitude thing does help. its so hard to look after other people when youre feeling so bad.

Hi all. Rubbish night and morning pain horrendous. But doing better at the moment. GP has agreed to prescribe amitriptyline for nerve pain so praying that does the job.. Managed to wash my hair today so feeling a little less gross. Also have some sun and chocolate.

Hi everyone,
Hope you don't mind me rejoining. Back from caring for my parents for a fortnight. Bit knackered and frazzled by them (felt like dealing with adult-sized toddlers).

Done almost nothing today except watch the rain and eat chocolate biscuits. But:

• went for a walk (about 4k steps)
• had a consultation with a personal fitness trainer. Really not had much energy for anything but have decided to spend a bit of my savings on getting fit since I clearly am not going to have the motivation to do it alone.
• washed a few windows
• did a bit of vacuuming (not enough! )
• ordered birthday presents for several family members
• sorted out birthday menus for same family members (lots of birthdays at once in our family)

Will do a wash load and have a bath later. Had a busy work day yesterday and though I wish I had the energy to keep up that pace all day everyday like normal people can, I don't. So am trying to be kind to myself about all the down time.

Sorry - not read all the pages of catch up, just dived back in. Hope everyone is doing OK and surviving this half-lockdown state. I've got so confused by what we can/should or can't/shouldn't do. I have some friends who invite us out for BBQs and others who are still suggesting drinks on Zoom because they are scared of getting near anyone.

hi monkey nice to have u back. Sounds to me like you've done loads!

My understanding is that we can meet up with small numbers of friends outdoors and ideally at 2m distance.

Argh, I have zero motivation. Again. Please will someone give me a nudge and suggest three small everyday things I could do this morning. I am dressed, have fed cat and tidied the kitchen (which DTeens are in the process of untidying by cooking up a big brunch and have put on a washload.

I'm on work skype calls all afternoon but have a couple of hours this morning. I don't want to waste them online but honestly have zero impetus of my own. If someone suggests something - I'll do it. I am just so sick of never ever having any outside input in my life and having to make my own deadlines and create my own drive for everything. I've run out of steam! Sorry to whinge. Hope someone understands.

Still here, but I don't even have the motivation to post, it seems! I typed up a long thing yesterday and it disappeared, and I just didn't have the energy to retype. I've been feeling really rough. Last time I went on fluoxetine, I failed the tablets to start with and went on the liquid instead for a more gradual start. Now I'm straight on the 20mg as is usual, and it's a headache, dizziness and nausea nightmare. Anxiety is quite unreal. I can't quite remember what the point of starting the meds was again, but let's hope it eases off soon. At least it's definitely not increased my appetite!

Anyway. I hope today goes well for you all. How's the pain colouring? I hope amitriptylene will end up helping a bit. Tired nudges in your direction, monkey, although not sure what to suggest. Do you think something exercise-like would be helpful?

I got the paperwork done on Wednesday. Yesterday was therapy day, and really a bit of a write off. Today I've managed to tidy and organise stuff, as we're getting a new washing machine (old one died yesterday) delivered at some point. Also been for a walk. Now exhausted. Still have laundry to do once the thing actually gets here. I just want to go back to bed...

Hi, I finally phoned the solicitor yesterday pm & I'm glad I did they were very helpful.