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Original poster

I can't do this anymore

147 replies

TurtleTortoise · 07/05/2020 07:28

I was only scraping by as it is.
Every day I'm expected to carry on living with the pain of not having my own family. The pain of the things I've been through in life. I've fought to go on so many times, desperately hoping for and trying to build a better future, but this lockdown is too much. My plans for the summer all gone. Not even allowed a hug. My stupid consolation plans for being unable to live the life I'd want.
If I posted on here in normal times I'd be told to do some interesting classes, get our there and meet more people, still time to meet someone and have a family blah blah. But it's all been taken away by the lockdown.
People who have families matter when they die, I don't. I'd rather die of Corona than go through this. I'm all out of energy to carry on

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:15

I just want the pain to stop
I need to die to make it stip

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:16

I've tried so hard but nothing left to give
I can't takethe pain

OP posts:
Lianarose · 13/05/2020 06:17

Ok, this is a crisis and you need support. Please consider ringing the Samaritans, right now. You do matter and you’re important. I understand the feeling of going backwards, but you can get through this. Take it one minute at a time. Sending some virtual hugs to you. Can you get outside? Cup of tea, bare feet on floor, breathe.

Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:17

Please help me
Please make the pain stop

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:18

I did all the thing like tea to feel better
I just need s hug from my best friend
It was the only thing keeping me going

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:20

I've tried speaking to Dr, crisis team too.
They can't take away the pain. The only thing that ever did was being treated like I mattered and the lovely mutually supportive relationship, but his selfish ex has banned him from seeing me

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:22

I don't know what to do
Was stupid of me to keep trying this long. Living in such pain and grief every day, I should have known I didn't matter and life would only get worse
I can't come back from this. Too broken.
I tried to hold on not to hurt him but I can't do it anymore

OP posts:
SpillTheTeaa · 13/05/2020 06:25

OP, you can do it and you need to take it minute by minute.
You're wanted and loved more than you know.
This very dark cloud will move.
We will get through this together.
Talk to your friend about how you're struggling and ask if they could come see you (keeping 2m of course).
Coronavirus will go, we will get through this.Thanks

Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:25

I don't matter enough to not be alone now. I don't matter enough for a hug from the person who cared most. Other people have control over who I see and took away anything worthwhile in my life, all coping mechanisms gone overnight. There's literally nothing left worth living for
I tr

OP posts:
Lianarose · 13/05/2020 06:27

I’m sorry, it sound like you’re in a very dark place. Please call Samaritans or the crisis team. You can get through this. I need to go back to sleep for a little while, but will check this thread later. I am sending you love and hugs.

Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:27

keeping two metres? I need a hug.
Anyway he said (and I agree) it's more upsetting to see each other and not be allowed a hug than not to at all. How awful to have him right in front of me and not be worth a hug!!

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:29

I'm not wanted
I would never leave a friend hurting like this. But people are allowed to hurt me. Proves you can't trust anyone.

OP posts:
SpillTheTeaa · 13/05/2020 06:30

Do you have feelings for your friend?
I don't think they're intentionally hurting you and I bet he wants a hug from you too

SpillTheTeaa · 13/05/2020 06:32

But please call Samaritans Thanks

Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:36

Feel sick, can't stop the pain, can't trust anyone

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:41

We did get together for a while. Care about each other deeply but not in an in love way. Been there for each other, until now.
It's more that he's the first person I trusted like that. Felt safe with. I can't really put it into words.
I know he'd like a hug too but less need for him as he's got children and not dealing with massive trauma.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 06:44

Just so powerless and vulnerable to evil government dictating my life
I was left without MH treatment and had to find my own way. I started to build a life and they just took it away.
I have nothing left worth living for

OP posts:
SpillTheTeaa · 13/05/2020 06:44

Did you ring Samaritans?
You've come very far through out this lockdown and we're now at the stage where we can hopefully start lifting more restrictions. You've done up to this far. You'll be able to hug your friend again. Not right now but you will. Keep thinking and holding onto that Thanks

Gardenparty123 · 13/05/2020 06:52

We’re here listening and you do matter Turtle.
I have struggled with MH again in this lockdown - I know exactly how you feel with coping mechanisms being taken away.
I Fought out of being so down and suicidal last year, and now this bullshit virus fucks it all up.
Please give the Samaritans a ring now for us, even if you just cry and rage at them.
You are worthy of life and are a valuable person Flowers

Hadjab · 13/05/2020 06:58

Stupid selfish woman who's lucky enough to be pregnant is allowed to control my life by stopping my best friend seeing me. If she's gonna be so fucking precious maybe she should isolate, not inflict it on others

It’s not fair that stupid selfish ex gets to ruin this

You haven’t explained exactly why her being pregnant is ruining your life, but this isn’t her fault.

PippaPegg · 13/05/2020 07:01

You do matter. Don't believe the horrible thoughts, that's depression talking. You do matter and you are enough.

Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 07:04

But they're not lifting social restrictions. Going on about social distancing for months. And with people going back to work the cases will rise so they'll never let us see friends again. They think 2m thing is enough.
Friend said he can't bear to think about meeting because it's going to be so long. this means he won't see me even if they let single people join a household

I can't explain the sickening pain of trusting someone for the first time and them leaving
Nothing feels safe, I was right all along, it's not ok to live

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 07:08

Hadjab it is her fault. If she hadn't chosen to be pregnant she wouldn't be being so controlling over him seeing me (,she's not pregnant by him btw new partner)

As usual, people who get to have nice lives are allowed to make things intolerable for those of us who aren't so lucky. Just like the evil smug government and their families

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTortoise · 13/05/2020 07:09

I've tried for so long, I've fought this all the way but fate makes me suffer always
I'm not worth as much as other humans so I'll always miss out

OP posts:
attackedbycritters · 13/05/2020 07:11

No one thinks 2 meters distance meeting is enough. Everyone knows touch is a key part of being human
It's the best we can manage now safely for everyone but it won't be for ever

It's about managing as best we can for the most number of people for now and the future that we can during this pandemic, which is why work comes before hugs

Did you hear that WHO say there were some hopeful treatments yesterday?