I can't do this anymore

[TurtleTortoise]

I was only scraping by as it is.
Every day I'm expected to carry on living with the pain of not having my own family. The pain of the things I've been through in life. I've fought to go on so many times, desperately hoping for and trying to build a better future, but this lockdown is too much. My plans for the summer all gone. Not even allowed a hug. My stupid consolation plans for being unable to live the life I'd want.
If I posted on here in normal times I'd be told to do some interesting classes, get our there and meet more people, still time to meet someone and have a family blah blah. But it's all been taken away by the lockdown.
People who have families matter when they die, I don't. I'd rather die of Corona than go through this. I'm all out of energy to carry on

Hi OP,

We hope you don't mind but we thought we'd add a link to this webpage from Mind.org - coronavirus and your wellbeing. They've put together lots of useful information for anyone who's feeling anxious or struggling to cope right now, with lots of practical tips on taking care of your mental health and wellbeing, and ideas on how to stay connected with people. Please do take a look.

Here too, for anyone who may need it, is a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected] or call, free, anytime, on 116 123. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll all be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but it's a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

Take care, everyone.

I'm off to get my essential shopping now. Hope you feel better op

I study from home. Do online workouts. Write. Garden. Look after pets. Started learning ventriloquism of all things...

I just seem to have totally run out of hope. And the loneliness is bringing back memories and mental states of the past and consuming me. I feel like I can't act like myself, and so hopeless. I can't go through the long recovery again, it's too late for things to be ok

I could have written your post word for word OP

I'm impressed.. my regime has become lackadaisical though I was doing loads of fitness before so I'm annoyed with myself for letting it lapse.

It might make you feel a bit better to know I share a lot of your feelings and this has triggered loads of stuff. But I am lucky enough to be in counselling and my therapist reassured me that my current hopeless and dark feelings are a normal response to what's happened. So, you see, we're normal! First time anyone has called me that.

Snuggle up with your pets, try a workout.. practise ventriloquism, (do you have a proper dummy?) and then ring one of the people above for a chat. I'm really off now as I need groceries, fridge bare

Turtle, for what it's worth i think you can recover. You've made it so far in the past so you can do it again.
I think I might understand the feeling of slipping into past mental states. The feelings I get some days are very like how I've felt years ago - what I worked so hard to change.
It makes you doubt yourself, doubt you'll ever get 'better', doubt you'll ever be able to be who you want to be, have the life you want. Doubt you'll ever cope. I don't have a remedy for this if im honest.

Things will be ok even though they are not right now.
Best wishes x

Hey Turtle. Sending you a virtual hug.
I know it's hard, for people suffering MH problems before this, most of our coping mechanisms have been taken away.

But that feeling that you can't go on, it's not really you, that's your depression deceiving you.

Where do you live? How old are you? There might be someone nearby on Mumsnet who can help.

If you are local to me, I will meet you in the park for a walk. I understand that feeling of being so in need of human contact that you are not scared of coronavirus and in truth, if you are young and healthy then arguably the risk is minimal. I know from on here that I'm not the only one that feels this way, that in itself is reassuring. What I trying to say is, there are other people out there like you xx

Thank you. It helps to know I'm not the only one but I'm sorry you're all going through it too.
Mascotte Does your counsellor think the second recovery is quicker? I can't do another 15-20 years recovery.

Yes, actually she specifically said that, as the way I'm feeling now is normal and that it will therefore be easier to come through this time. I hope that makes sense? She put it well and it made me feel better. She also said she really believed I'd come through this because of all the other stuff and having dealt/been dealing with it.

I was feeling pretty much where you are hopeless wise but I've been better since then!

I really feel for you OP

In terms of your friend and the message, I don’t even know where my phone is in the tiny flat. Is it possible she’s too down to look at it?

Or has gone out without it?

Hello, @TurtleTortoise just checking in. I meant to say as well I always feel worse when I'm really tired so try to get a sleep when you can. I'm also intrigued as to whether you have a dummy to practise with? I used to work for someone who looked just like the classic ventriloquist dummy 😃

No I don't have a dummy, depends if I get good enough.

Really disappointed no changes to lockdown today. This is horrible. I think they're not going to bother changing anything socially for people on their own. It's so cruel, I don't think I can do this. If I could just see one friend and have a hug, I could do loads more lockdown. And help with friends children who I miss loads too.

Me too. Feeling bit gutted. Virtual hug. Keep on keeping on. Remember, it's normal to feel like this..we are the normal people just now!

Morning @TurtleTortoise

Hi @TurtleTortoise. Just wanted to echo Mascotte's sentiments, in as much as, I've been there too and I'm really, REALLY sorry to hear about how you're feeling and I'm thinking of you.

Really struggling today.

I seem to be dead inside. No empathy or feelings left except a black hole of pain and despair. People posting sad things on facebook and I realised I'm totally unmoved. No shits left to give. Bit scary.

I hate the government for forcing me to be alone, for taking away the person who had the warmest hugs. I'm powerless to do anything about it. They can do this to me and I cant stop them. I can't live like this

Oh, hi @Turtle I was wondering how you were doing. Sometimes I think I'm becoming heartless as all I really want is to be free! Obviously I'd do my best not to spread it but this is too heavy handed now, in my view.

I I've made a list of things I've told myself I must do today. All very dull but I'm going to try and at least do a couple. Could you do the same? Though it sounds like you've been better than me fir doing stuff anyway. Yesterday I did literally nothing 😳 Oh, but got a takeaway delivered, which was strangely cheering. Maybe plan that?

sorry for how you feel turtle.
can you facetime or whatsup your friend?
what i learned in my life is not to be depending to someone else, their hugs, etc.
you can be your best friend and enjoy what you have, what you are capable of doing.
life is short, enjoy it. dont give in to negative thoughts.

are you taking ads? the right ones can help.

you have to change how you see things. think more positive, this will be over.

Hi OP, I am so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m in a similar situation - locked down alone, not bored but incredibly lonely. Having dealt with depression for years, having all my support systems taken away has been unbelievably brutal. The posters on here who bleat about how we just need to sit and watch Netflix are so lacking in empathy it’s shocking. I truly hope some concessions are made soon for people on their own (or in other difficult situations, ie single parents working from home with young children) to have some social interaction and respite.
Sorry this isn’t very helpful, I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Try to get through it one day at a time and know that there are people out there, even if we’re strangers, thinking of you and wishing you well.

Thanks Baconandwaffles it is brutal isn't it? I just despair at how cruel the government are in doing this, just stopping human contact without a thought as to how devastating that is for some people. I mean, they considered children going between households right at the start, how the fuck can we be 7 weeks in and they still haven't considered people living alone?

And the thought of the future without social hugging. I feel like I've lost so much, it won't go back to normal. I have no idea when I'll be able to see family members again (too far away), and without being able to use public transport there are various friends I can't see. The handful that are closer I feel more distant from now, and other stuff where I'd see lots of aquaintances/wider friendship networks are all gone too. Meeting someone in time to have children seems fucking unlikely, to say the least.

I feel like I'm thrown back a few years, to a really dark time in my life where I almost gave up. Only this time all the routes out are blocked.

Hi Turtle Tortoise I understand how you are feeling. Sending you a hug 🤗. This is a horrible time for people on their own with mental health problems.
I desperately needed support a few weeks ago. The things that helped me was :
phoning Samaritans as many times as I needed.
Getting to know my neighbours by offering to do their shopping.
Helping out at my local church by pulling out weeds in the church gardens.
Keeping in touch with people at work.
And sitting outside whenever the sun is out.
I don't know if any of this is helpful but I hope you start to feel better soon.

fucking fuckers
I cant do this.
everythings been taken away and people going to work is more importnt than worthless people like me without families